I am sad that I won't have any way of posting tomorrow- yes, I still am banned, I think I am or was waiting on a phone to tackle that scenario. It is a sad fact that while I am still homeless and the Obama Phones having such terrible batteries I would then have the courage and motivation to seek the 'free' health that's available for legal services. Yes, my phone wasn't there, the man wasn't there where he was the week before, and while I am waiting for it though I don't have a tracking number on the website though I do have an approval message. Well, why haven't I gone to go get it see about it... because once again it seems so crazy that after waiting an effing week it would be there- or at least the guy would... yes it ain't and he wasn't and I'll have to add that to Monday's list though I am not trippin like it will be different. What sucks is that after the new eules and all I am unable to even apply for a new one through a different company. I mean could people literally get as many phones as they wanted? or needed without these rules before? Sometimes people are shocked they can't get one and seem very educated in the process and that fact- when they need a new one, they go and get a new one and are often shocked and angry. I mean, I have been exposed to a world where that phone could very well be factored into a families monthly budget. If that's the case, I'll spin it and now worry that as someone knew that they could turn that phone in to the 'Cash for phones now' Hold on- let me not even assume she or he can or can't read- that's how shitty some parts of America people just don't even know how to read. Hey, if you don't use it you lose it. I am not tripping like that they tell you when you get the phone- that it was possibly even meant to be a primary phone. The odds are in a world where, we don't prepare for the ones that take advantage of the system, caws why would you do that, the system will eventually figure it out, and people have been getting by so far withou8t them so lets add it for all the ones we found out in the fields and under over passes that were being ignored shamed, shunned, bullies, and even if they over came all that still would be denied for whatever reason because that's what I know happened here.... it;s happening to me even with the phone so why wouldn't I assume that it's only situational Because that's just how bad it is. I love . That even though someone qualifies, etc they could then be turned away or not approved because of access and also
an insert from a different peice of my written literature:
yeah- you're a corrupt mother fucker because i cant and am trying. its not possible.. I'm not stealing from someone to try and make my life better. I'm not doing anything. its just crazy.
if you were someone who even cared as a person hearing my story. also- if you think that i have money somewhere or know something that i don't then please clue me in. but I never said anything like that to you when we first met. i never did anything other then give you a different perspective on you stating that was constructive... you are just saying that i am not doing my best or that i am lazy or that I am to blame for all this- i'm taking blame while also saying- stop it. there is bullshit that goes on here that you may or may not know about and if your a major anything its a major fake and asshole. not when i first met you, but now i kinda feel that way. if its something im onto and you don't want to be associated i get it.. i wish i could shower- if you have a hotel room.... i did that for you- with no strings other then now when im telling you that im only mentioning it so you will check yourself and remember that im a good person. but as a rule- I will win. If you ahvent figured that out yetm then you were again misinformed and dont know me.... creating fake social media profiles is illegal when it comes to being an undercover officer. we can still be friends if you are or aren't but the guy who controls the artificial side of the ecosystem here as it pertains to the Hubble telescope underneath the 'rotunda' likes to heat it up where ever i go as it pertains to me hanging with his bf after he was the one who showed up at my place first and cheated first.
A friend gave me courage that thankfully *ugh its getting on my nerves that i can;t firgure out how to change my margins back... so im going to chill... I have mush more to discuss. I literalyl argue that having the courage to do so, but using restarint not in my blog as much, but in my communication with the people i know here- well some of them, has kept me safe until now I am done. Only- they proved that things are the shady way I say they are here as was my thought and why I know that it's all about information and education and disparities that are further why even people that live here and are happy didn't know where actual disparities cause oh wait- I have never left San Jose, neither have my kids now that I think about it, only to go to The City, etc. So there- do i think you were so happy you never ever traveled? No- I think it was something you may or may not have ever done as it wasnt an opption- as happy as you can be in your life and your community- it's not until you think about college and education and gaining knowlege of how things are else where and again, you don't know that because as one time things were so bad the only way to literally survive here was to have a kid and get on welfare. It may or may not be ok with you, until your son doesnt benefit from that the way the mother does if you guys arent married right? Then the girl had the nerve to not even hesitate to get a restrianing order and then it only got worse, and wait is there birth control for men? There should be but then the girl would lose control and they can't be having that! Additionally- life can be better when you consider all the bullshit that comes with all the suppression and literally making it so you don't have options as a rule of not even making them available as it is something you can't afford or do- see you made that choice for yourself... but as a product of doing what you had to do to survive only that now came further corruption and..... Like, i said. I'm done for a awhile.. I should arguably spend more time editing, etc. but here's a clip from another conversation.
You need help. No one can read your bullshit because it's such a run on sentence and makes no fucking sense. Please check in to psych hospital. Please get on medications to help stabilize you.
haha I'm sorry that you can't get past the sentence structure in order to even be able to understand the words that are being used and the meaning behind them. Also, you've discussed this with other people? or are you simply speaking for yourself. in a way if you cant get past the sentence structure then you wont be able to even comprehend what im going through. I'm banned from the sqan jose library system. i shouldn't come and i would fight it, but i cant./.. also, they will sometimes shut my compouter off randomly as either i finally get flagged in the system or a library does it randoly- sometimes sadly it so happend to be righ twhen im edting the word document i have created. therefore, i only use the google blog app now and I try to spell check as I go, but when I stop typing I have to post or they will turn my computer off and i will loose my work so a lot fo good that did.
i even asked 2 officers to call 911 for me thinking that i did in fact need o tgo at that time- and they said no and made me keep walking
thank yoou for the comment thouguh- I honesylu wonder because no onw ever leaves any
I hope you are ok. I know you feel alone and that's so awful! Are you clean?
i havent showered in ages- like at least a week or so
How did it get this far Josh?
i honestly have forgotten/dont keep count
haha that's my whole mother fucking point- honestly because it is just that bad here. I had never been mugged until san jose was in my life. i had never gotten a misdemeanor besides my DUI before here and now i have like 10
Get back to Alabama
thank you so much for careing. i honestly feel like an ass now beyond what i want becaseu I was immediately defensive, but i can totally see how a black mama can be just pure angry and bitter at the world in alabama as i cant relate, but this same thing could happen to me there
but i hope and pray it isnt this bad there- in my heart I know it to be true- but i dont know.. some im doing the most i can as if i was there
I'm sorry for being so cruel but it's hard to watch such a thing happen to a capable individual
Has your mom disowned you?
no no- its a product of this situation if you know what i mean... again thank you for the kind words. I know they are true and that i am that person- so if i say I'm stuck in san jose believe me i am, add it even goes to credit card fraud and shit beyond what i can even talk about. I think that she wont- as i wouldn't her.... but parents shake babies to death- as a was of caring so much they don't know what to do and want it to be better.... well this is the adult, 2000 miles away version
That is all- thank goodness for friends, cause I sure haven't gotten any of those kind words from the fam. Though in my mind I am firm in the fact that they know I am those kind words also- just don't say them...
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