Oh Yes, that’s right-
son got a tent. Then son left/lost/ said
tent. Then I was, oh wait before that I
was… Have you ever tried to cross the street to go to a restaurant and there is
a sign that directs you across 6 lanes of traffic to the other side, not only
to have you cross the street you originally needed to, then to have to cross
those other 6 lanes of traffic again? So
this bullshit judge for my original case actually asked someone (for another
case) to ‘pull up’ Google maps on their phone in order to put on the record how
far this man had to stay away from an over pass/possibly his home… here in San
Ho (the land of the billionaires)… seems it was close to his work, too close
for the usual distance they order for people here. Hey, Asshole, how about you spend a night
under an over passes or in jail then come at me (granted this is post/in the
middle of my struggle) or him with that.
Can they do that if he owned a home?
I do absolutely belie3ve here for some, not the ‘actual’ robots I’m
speaking of, or speak of… yes, some of those have actually applied for the same
assistance you and I can and do and get denied for at times- hopefully for all
the correct reasons- not someone at an office looking at or reading a paper
incorrectly when everything is computer based anyways. Conveniently of coarse/course I don’t
know. Bet the, a different judge, whom
has black, balled me, an actual person from housing… after spending 30 actual,
45 combined?... I wonder if he’s spent a night in jail? I understand, no I don’t… but I’m not a
judge- can you imagine the safety involved in being a judge? I can’t.
I would hope that they are as protected as the rights they ‘judge’- but
to say that you’re allowing people, actual, fake, sons, daughters, robots… Ms. ...
from the PD's office.... is someone I’ve routinely, 4 times, seen in
action. I don’t know what her credentials
are, is, were, should be, are in process of- so here’s what happens. Her job
from what I’ve seen in to read what people’s charges are, and what the DA is
offering. I have an issue with reality- it’s
true, I cried in jail when someone told me what they were going to have to stay
in for; in addition to what time they had already spent inside fighting their
case. Literally, lost it… like I might
in the library chair I shouldn’t be in- I’m still technically banned, though my
barcode number still works- I don’t know.
For me, it’s a life line. Back to
those that matter- seriously, I could give two shits if I die in a tent in a
storm drain here, hopefully- I’ve been able to tell some of these stories of
which have made me be…. Actual scenario-
I get pulled over for a DUI- she reads I’m charged with DUI, DUI above 0.08,
DUI with an accident, hit and run, fleeing the scene, evading an officer,
resisting arrest…. There might have been more but I think I got it…. He was
drunk, drove, had an accident, was close enough to home to leave his car and
walk there- girl have another drink at happy hour and maybe your …. Can find
your phone for you when you can’t- those in between the seats are a real
bitch. So he walks home, is in the
bathroom throwing up, trying to tell his mother what happened when the police
bust through the door and arrest him. He
fought his case for 4 months, they dropped everything but the DUI, DUI above
0.08, and DUI with an accident… he’s in jail for an additional year. He has two girls. Priors were considered, just like my failure
to appears have been considered in my ‘delinquency’- He’s going to have to go
to prison. And is 24? Has spent time in
before, where and when he was forced to join a gang- can you imagine getting a
‘kite’ that says ‘be ready?’ Then after
disassociating from the gang, was made to stay in a cage, like a dog, think it’s
not literally like a dog cage? Have you
been in jail? Prison? After that he was
then put in ‘solitary,’ which isn’t like the movies I hope- I mean, instead of
the lights being off, they are on for the entire time. Though the CO’s can turn them off and
on. The premise is to make sure that you
really want to disassociate- and aren’t trying to infiltrate…. Mind you this
all started in the system for him- juvie, then prison after he became of
age. He spent both his coming of age
birthdays in jail/prison- I don’t remember my 18th- I always like to
talk about how my father didn’t remember (I'm sorry- I did naturally tell all
my friends and now the world wide web.), and then at 12:01 on my 21st
called my home girl on the way to get wine while I was taking a study break- am
I for real? This is about them and not
me- but fuck. Anyways, let’s get
America working right? Well, by grace,
he had gotten a job-did well, then moved to a different company that was closer
to his home instead of an hour away- he has kids, it’s a priority. So then the aforementioned happened and now
he’s got me in his ear, who didn’t take anything to jury trial like I should,
telling him that that’s like getting three DUI’s- I mean they added up the time- intervals
accounted for in whatever manner, and that’s the deal. The DA and Public Defender did this. I don’t know how much time someone did or
didn’t do- but ‘your mama so dumb she got hit by a parked car’- now but I hit
one and now am behind bars for a very long time when you think of having
toddlers. Geez! No injuries.
I mean- initially he was facing like 6 years, and had the option to take
that deal…. For real? His car wasn’t
drivable – what the fuck was he supposed to do?
Note- the 12 added lanes I had to walk… someone times I’m an
asshole and jaywalk- not when I was arrested for doing so- at 7:30 on very busy
streets. Did you know that is someone
taps their brake lights on the freeway/9interstate- I didn't learn the
difference until I moved here… it can be seen/felt in the traffic behind said
tap for 8-10 miles?
My nervous breakdown when I found out that someone was going
to jail for 12 months, after spending 8 months also- for drugs. Drugs.
Like pills. I’m so sorry that
psychiatrists and the system at hand have made it so shitty for people to get
the drugs they need- as is my situation, and the disparities so great that its
necessary to have a side hustle on top of your hustle that may or may not be
legitimate either- but the isolation is real.
Apparently, to me, not the ones imposing, and defending, and prosecuting
these ‘kids’- ask his mama if she feels like her 26 year old son whose story I
just told feels like he’s a kid or not and isn’t feeling guilty (forgive me for
assuming) the two days a week she goes to visit him- for the situation, not
going more, and not being able to control what happens to him. Ever had someone just walk up to you and…
sometimes all it can take is nothing at all.
I just tried to Google- to accurately say, which I do all
the time that clearly these people aren’t qualified, as is this is the teenage
suicide capitol of the world. I hope
Palo Alto has the numbers/areas… it’s easy to not consider that number when
your city of 1 million/466km doesn’t have a level 1 children’s hospital to
tattoo those numbers across your forehead- I say it as a Santa Clara County issue.
It took me 8 months and going with a social worker to get my
EBT card- of which I qualify. No free
rides or bus passes to the follow up that’s a week out- or 3 days, and bus
passes that take equal or greater amount to obtain, if even accessible, or not
stolen- or even if there is a route within distance to and from that won’t get
you killed or- I know pedestrians get hit day and night drunk or not so yes
it’s a concern- on top of that you already have my son on your radar as a law
enforcement officer or peace keeper? Tha fuck is that? And accidents happen, I don’t believe in
coincidence as a, no no serendipity is different than coincidence, I drop a
cup- that’s an accident. Someone gets
run over by a car and Thank God we, in health care changed the terms to, MVA-
motor vehicle accident… can you imagine being told your love one just died in
an accident… no, it was a collision.
I have parents who trust the system, as do I- as something
to not be trusted. That doesn’t include
those that are called to as an American Right to defend my friend, my child, a
stranger for Christ’s sake regardless of ability to pay. I don’t feel that I have been defended appropriately
in its entirety as it pertains to Santa Clara county, more specific san Jose, Levi
court, Hall of justice, and the family court building- some of those are the same. So they have Levi Stadium and Levi Court-
turns out they be hella far away… as I was blogging before, wandering what kind
of world I'm in that couldn’t be of this world- the drug court, Levi court,
family justice center are right across from St. James parl- which is
downtown.
They have white noise in the court room. ‘Your honor may we approach?’ Then
‘shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh’ I mean the paranoid
mother fuckers don’t have to do so because I couldn’t here and I was in the
jury seats- as an inmate every time I’ve been to court- failure to appears not
even decreased as it pertains to my hospital admission that attributed. Literally, didn’t give a fuck.
There are so many ways a sane person can go cray. I’m not saying I was, am or am not- but mine
has been by the different bus routes taken by these fancy sheriffs’ buses. Related to traffic, keeping said (I’m trying
to write this about people I’m trying to be dramatic all teary eyed at this
library- but wait I had to hear my jam/ change the song that’s playing from you
tube in the background) I thought that the stadium and the court house may be
in the same area- sorry, I’m not from here… and to say that people keep their
heads down isn’t a lie. Empathy- I was
told is dying in the bay area.
Wordiness- I mean, I mean… and I have the nerve to make fun or ridicule
the ‘nigga,’ ‘my nigga,’ that’s thrown around here as an educated person who
knows that its either ignorance or something else.
I’ve digressed- or feel like I have- but these people are
behind bars. Missing Christmas,
birthdays, music, etc. I realize there
are hard criminals- so alternate routes to the court house may or may not be
needed- I also know that that’s secondary to a bunch of primary problems. Of which- have you ever gone and applied for
aide? Ever been denied because of a
bitter bitch behind the counter? Is it possible? Or is it why someone may or may not lay in a
tent for days on end after the world has already beaten them up (it doesn’t
matter why? If you think it does then
your empathy is lacking- mine is, was, and hopefully wont again) hopefully as
just life happening naturally and not induced life lesions… that’s reason
enough. Then to pick yourself up and go
to that office and deal with whatever you have to aided by the attitude of
those who work there.
I’m sorry I didn’t take my case to jury trial- I got and was
scared… as I am for my friends I made while there. I have someone who can attest to that- I have
thought a lot about going back in. One
to visually check on them, two because sometimes no matter what you do you can’t
do right or enough. How important are
those emergency food stamps to someone who just got out of jail, that you can
get that day- here you’re told to come back in three days. And the letdown/what the fuck? Is written all
over these people’s faces when they leave empty handed- possibly going to a THU
where they are told that their stuff will be stolen- is it the ones running the
THU, the other resident’s, part of the ‘struggle’ or the ‘teach them a lesion
struggle?’ I don’t know… a judge wouldn’t refer me to one after I already
served my time. He wanted me to do a program
in order to be referred- which would be a double sentence.
In jail I learned that in San Jose ‘they’ are adding, for
example, heroin to meth. (Well, both
those are wrong so what does it matter?
Obviously your readiness to learn isn’t there- so I’ll say it anyways because
education and ignorance can come in anyway it wants- meanwhile that mama’s son won’t
be home for Thanksgiving or Christmas and is in the same city…) I know, I know
that it is the same government that put these people behind bars that would do
so. Fact. Possibly blame it on a drug dealer that’s
hard up- and I’ll say doubtful- cause that’s not right…. Just because I’m a
drug dealer doesn’t mean I want people going crazy and killing themselves on Facebook. (I’ve literally said out loud I’m going to
start a Facebook live campaign of giving guy’s head as a way to make up for
that? Is that possible? I don’t think
so- but its better then ‘officials’ or the powers at be flooding the market
with undercovers selling shit to purposely make people trip and get caught up
in a system and then rehabilitated? By the same system that made them
trip? Fuck you dude- to say that’s someone’s
deal is not that farfetched.
I’m sorry if my comedic demeanor has taken away from these
stories of others loved ones or the point (I had a dignity on wheels worker
tell me not to ‘get stuck in the shower.’
Yes, hot water helps or can aid- did he mean it as in needles, or just
how some homeless are when they finally get to close the door and shower? I don’t know.) - Because to them it’s not
funny and it hurts. But, my education
and self-awareness- not of this county, tells me that it’s my ‘way of dealing
with it also.’ I’ll try to do better. I also have been tripping- as a PTSD thing
from being mugged- in LA... Any photos of me walking down Santa Monica Blvd in
LA one morning during rush hour with a hoodie/hood up… please don’t compare me
to anyone (Lindsay Lohan, Micha Barton, or …) who may be going through their
own hell… but if so, that was the morning after. Point I’m making is that after I picked
myself up off the sidewalk I walked to a gas station, asked to use the phone
and was denied, walked to an open restaurant (who thankfully let me sit there
for oh 4 hours, not use the phone, but again I may not have been able to ask)
and was denied- honestly, I was covered in dirt and may not have even said
anything just strode there shaking. That’s
not as bad as here- here I was tripping related to that and being scared of the
dark and without prescription eye wear… and was told by two officers whom I didn’t
call but took it upon themselves to tell me that I was crazy, making people
nervous, and to leave/keep it moving. I
asked them to call EPS- which is where I was taken after my suicide attempt (in
this county) and was told no. Literally,
they told me no, and waited for me to keep moving. Did I challenge them? Did I want to know what
would happen if I did?
Have I been told by a CO to not ask for his badge number
unless I wanted to be on his radar which had been there for 16 years? Yes.
Did I file a grievance over a rotten banana in my lunch?
Yes. Did I then rescind said grievance
when a Captain asked me what I wanted or was trying to accomplish and did I
want him to get me a new banana- in front of the entire dorm? Yes.
Does stuff and everything matter just that much….
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