Joshua Worthless

Joshua Worthless

I’ve officially decided that until I get married that should the opportunity come to then change my name- this is what it will be changed to…

• So I attended a meeting for the Civilian Oversight Commission- I am so thankful that we have this in Los Angeles County/ it is a city as well… and I hope it exists everywhere.  Measure R passed and I'm not sure if there is overlap as I think one is for the LAPD and the other is for the Sheriff’s Department.  I hope it sounds ok- feel free to let me know what you think… Covid-19
• So I have to first say- I feel this is a systems issue.  I have never worn a badge, I have idea what it is to do so, and I told a family member as a child there is no way I could ever be a policeman because I knew I was going to speed when I started driving… yes, I still have that type of view of the world, so please read this entirely.  Form my perspective with violence as an adult- many of us as a grown person have never been straight tup socked in the mouth…. But many have.  I have been in physical altercations as an adult and the aftermath as well as what led up to and then during… it was all very very unphathomable- is this really happening, is this really what I'm going through as an adult, ouch, omg this person intends to kill me, etc.  I just got assaulted the other night and I’m still not as I was before it happened- I’m the one at the bus stop spinning in circles as a continual looking over the shoulder situation.  (ha, it’s so true!)
• I’m not picking sides but I did during the meeting have to ground myself- and in that I found the systems issues, possibly some of ego and pride of individual badges… but to the mama’s and family members that had the courage to comment, thank you and I support you with a biased heart and mind- if I needed to state a conflict, it is that I as a civilian support civilians without regard for the consequences a badge may face in regards to their mistreatment of civilians. 
• My feelings and sentiments are there has to be something more then just a person with a badge behaving in the manner of killing a civilian… it has to be a lack of training, appropriate training, Supervisorial leadership and standards, as well as again a culture of its own, and then I love that someone used the term best practices- in nursing, or nursing science I was taught that once you’ve found best- there is always better… so I am not being contradictory or disrespectful as that commissioner gave way to this addition is that best practices once identified can always be cultivated or bettered… and that’s done from evidence.  In nursing science we practice at the bedside from what we call evidence based best practices… I don’t know how to incorporate that here, but I know some community nurses and professors that would love the opportunity.  
• Also- let me honest that gang units or gang members- even though as much as they are or aren’t something that’s subjective and slanderous or libel in nature like the term “gang member’ is to me…. They aren’t being treated as I would be in the court rooms.  I was in court recently to have a felony warrant recalled and there were two cases before mine…. The case where the defendant was a suspected gang member was totally different then the defendant not labeled a gang member.  It was disgusting to be honest- they moved my case up because I was popping off at the district attorney who in one case was bringing up this mans juvenile record of which he had already served time on… it was to the point of the DA not stopping- digging digging digging.  
• Let me be clear- the confidential informant or undercover side of policing is very real and very active and very illegal- but so are the criminals so there’s a much pull…. but, I need to know that the ones released weren’t just the confidential informants…
• I hope thats met with love and not doubt- trust I’ve been in jail a lot. And in two counties so the variance is real but the confident informants are not… I have no idea how to ensure that those types of illegalities within the police or authority stop- but I know that they are recidivism, they are the ones who with someone who isn’t a confidential informant will be arrest  as to build the friendship or the legitness within a suspected crime ring or something like that and within the data sets what does that do to the numbers… furthermore, is it that I don’t know if this body can do anything about it…but know that in what I know its about 30% of the total number of officers within an entire entity…like- lausd having 10,000, the confidential informants would be about 3,000.
• They are essentially the ones that could be looting during the demonstrations, being housed within the transitional housing thats available in order to then possibly cause fights and increase or maintain recidivism rates (and lets be honest- they have been doing a good job with the current rates at almost 100%),  they are part of the homeless population (sucking up and wasting resources 5-6 days per week and then going home to their families for a few days and then back at it again.), work at non-profits to have an influence over who gets housing and who doesn’t (they have a defined influence over project room key and why?), and will hit you, or yell at you as a person impersonating a civilian having a mental health crisis just to see what will happen or if you're a noise maker like some of us then its a convenience factor to then smash your head with a glass bottle or something like that…
• I think a lot fo that like of terminal violence if you will has been stopped, however, I can’t say that with absolution.
• I come from a small town in Alabama where within that small town the officers I grew up with were like part of the community.  They knew every teenager or driving age person’s name and were literally welcomed- this is within the part of the community I know so there may be variance within the peers I had at that time- but that’s what I would like to see.  And I think within the jail as having been in MCJ I must say an officer got jumped while I was in there.  Routinely they were kind and between them and the house mouses or dorm reps we all survived for the time I was there- but there are so many that don't.. 

Use of Force Recommendations…

• Officers in jails do not break up fights…. So to me if they aren’t breaking them up then they are causing them. I thinks its important that as these recommendations are implemented that the policy numbers or policies snd procedures be itemized within that recommendation to note the updated or replacement protocol that they are taking out of practice and putting into practice.
• The budgetary aspects I believe are executive branch things… but I’m not sure- and at the same time I think defunding is a very not tackling the problem, superficial, almost irrational suggestion- I don’t feel its well thought out, at the same time our country is very real and so are threats to national security- we are shielding in our daily lives by our government in the threats that are very real and imminent on a daily bases… to think that we can have a state of well being without someone there to protect us should our national security or our national state be compromised is not realistic. Im not saying that I have an answer or that they wouldn’t run for the hills if something did go down (but that’s the purpose right- to define or redefine the needs of the civilian population in which they are called to support and protect… ) but what I do know is that having a sense of safety and security is part of our country’s premise- and to many non-white identifying people that is a foreign concept… I’m am by no means contradicting their opinions, recommendations, or voices as they are speaking up and out about their lived experiences and what they feel is best for their communities, friends, family member's, and with people like myself as apart of that.  I have never once as a white male felt as though any of the suggestions for reform or culture change left me out or didn’t have my best interest at heart- the latinx, African american, black and other non-white communities during my life have never had the audacity or lack of perspective or respect to leave someone like me or anyone out of their consciousness or perspective and I will not have my words be interpreted as doing so or discrediting them in any way or manner.  Those mamas and sisters or family members of incarcerated individuals or people that have lost their lives in this I support without question- think of it as I have grown to do- if a person is shot and killed or executed by police or sheriff’s at the age of sixteen or seventeen (what does that look like?  It looks likes that young person on their knees in front of a bunch of badges and possibly other peers like them as a show of power and ‘as to be an example or who is really in control’ and a rookie or a captain raising a gun to that young person forehead and pulling the trigger.)… that’s around eighty years missing from the hearts of the world.  Eighty Birthdays, eighty times three hundred and sixty five days of ‘I love you mom or dad, I hope you have a good day’ is twenty nine thousand two hundred… if that affection was shown daily and for those eighty years… not to mention how many of you have grandchildren- how many times does a grandchild say that to their family members…. It's unquantifiable almost, but remember that I love everyone when I say how dare you.  How dare you not count that babies ‘I love you’s’ when there are those without that reality because of badges.  Because it’s not jus that one individual who is then executed in the streets who is not here anymore- but its the entire future of that individual from the first four minutes of life when an NRP certified nurse takes care of them and gives them their first bath after a cesarian section in the operating room to a nurse then giving them their last bath as part of postmortem care after having dyed a dignified natural death with their family and children and grandchildren there to say goodbye.   So many people don't have that, and so many people do have that- and it's not fair and the demographics to which those actualities do exist are so one sided I’ll probably cry again if those numbers are ever released as I am now.  But, I have a nursing degree from a top ten university and I aint trippin when I say I’ll get those number sand I do truly hope that in the meantime of that coming to life and the public’s knowledge that significant strides have been made.  I’m not being disrespectful or unreasonable- but these are severe situations that require precise interventions.
• Who will or would block off the streets during the gay pride parade, who would be there to usher sports teams safely to and from high school sporting events, who would make sure that if my red neck parents came to town packing over my being gay, having hiv, and having a blog and a voice would ensure my safety?  Or those that would be considered innocent civilian bystanders… like, I have an open matter with the police myself, they jumped me in pan pacific park… and I’m still dealing with that and it was three years ago.
• Another time, I was put in a wrap and my feet synched to my forehead with no regard for my lack of flexibility and being side walk homeless- so I come from a place of having literal hands put on me, on more then one occasion, in more then just this county/city by badges…
• For example I was in West Hollywood yesterday and the amount of people with no masks was appalling- where are they issuing citations?
• I’m not sure if it came up before I left the virtual meeting- but there is something we’re all not formally taking about and that’s the execution style by which a rookie is no longer a rookie after executing a civilian or an officer ‘deals with’ gang members or anyone else… It’s a national known issue within some communities… its very prevalent among the Latinx communities also and I didn't read anything about that on the recommendations list.

Meeting Specific…

• Hi, I'm Joshua Ray, I’ve been in MCJ not sure if that needs to be disclosed but there it is… I was curious that if they aren’t operating on crisis mode or aren’t in crisis then why is it that they aren’t getting rolls and fish kits/hygiene kits.  Just want make it known thats like toothbrush/toothpaste and for those without outside support like a large population of the k-6g’s its concerning- 
• And then within that- are they getting store during this time? 
• Are they being honored their right to a speedy trial which is within 30 days?  I wasn’t the last time I was in jail within the courts so I hope that is something that might could be looked into..
• My concern for not being able to go into the court room- like that was the only time I saw outside of my dorm for four months- so I know the risks but also- I know what a mental grounding going court can be…
• Are people still being able to go and visit?
• I wish I could tell the people I know that are dorm reps or house mouses how much they are regarded for keeping things peaceful and maintaining order- again the officers inside the jails and prisons do not break up fights.  

• There may be another one coming- I have much to say… omg, like Jane Fonda said that year regarding the Vietnam War- ‘there is much to say, but tonight isn’t the night/place’ in her acceptance speech at the academy awards… well, there is much to say and I’ve been feeling that way for sometime and it just my situation and speaks to my self confidence, self esteem, and sense of self regarding the recent series of events.. I will not let the world define me, I am human- definition is mine to define.  It’s like where do we begin, the rebel or our sins?  
• Im trying not to make them to lengthy, that’s the truth though
• And and with the mask I have two pointers… one is after you tie the bottom and loop the two top ones- perfect time for an adjust like the back and forth situate on the nose move with a bit of a mouse crinkle and then tie it with room to pull off and on from the top…
• I don’t know if I posted the blog where I wrote about my friend from jail… I downloaded google voice the other day, Noah like for ever ago now.  When I did there was like a grip of missed calls from the phone service on the inside.  Like, twenty five.  It’s hard when you create little family units everywhere you go- it’s hard.  hard.  You leave places like jail and have someone saying heartfelt things that are typical of family units- I don’t know what im going to do without you here, ugh im going to miss you, promise you’ll do good and if you come back im going to beat your ass.  A friend went through it, and called the number I gave him but (yes, that was me- smoking a Newport menthol 100 on a crisp Saturday night- does it get any better-no, it doesn’t) so my friend from jail called and called… and isn’t on this earth anymore- I’m sorry I didn’t answer.  Not so so sorry as I can receptively and contagiously be found saying… but I am sorry, and I promise to do everything I can in this life and the next to make sure that no one feels how I feel right now.  I love you friend.
• Okokok here I go testing for the drop… cap that is… 

¡in person- and I hope you have a good weekend… it’s not February, but in the meantime- there may be a surprise waiting for you in your email!