Today- I can title it at the open of a new template…
Today- I feel like I did good…
- First I have to say- that I can smile…
- I officially give myself permissions to smile… it’s hard for me to quantify but I’ll do my best….
- When I see people from before I got kicked to officially twenty four hours ago they would see guilt, remorse, that they weren’t enough, aren’t enough… I’m glad that I didn’t waste anytime reconnecting or that they didn’t either but it was torturous.
- When I would smile at them I smiled- like, straighttup cheesin’!
- You understand if you’ve even been away from people and a home and a city that you don’t just love but that you feel like loves you… like, cheesin’! With a effin’ grill that’s got the years in between reminding them with each smile of pain. That’s not fair- learning to ride a bike is life at its most difficult…
- So here I am showing my love and being met with a grimace almost… I promise I cant wait to effing see you… I might cry.
- Okokok so now I can smile and not only feel like myself, but be met with them as a time and place not from then but just present… like, I could almost cry now. I did last night.
- I cannot say or do anything more than just say thank you. Oh and duh write a thank you note… which is on my thoughts now as a I feel good but I got one more thing to do before bed haha
- girl, Ciara and Missy are in my ears singing about work, work, work, work…. Im trying to not jiggle that thing all the way down to the ground… haha. I had giggle not jiggle… now im giggling- I swear at our best we are also our own entertainment when the pain of a person’s life has them hollering and carrying on because the government isn’t there for them- I’m trying boo, I promise.
- I wish a hater would get crunk off this crime mob crew- okokok enough singing- I’m going to check my po box- if someone asks I be like im on federal business but then I am not trying to containment my stellar rep with that of the feds as in the federal bureau of incompetence. yes, that’s me, sitting where I am with my Mac typing away and trying to blend in- ha! I just realized how big this effing mask looks on my face…
- Okokok to the good good… does it get better then me feeling that after the crews efforts of getting em back to my soul and then where I am now with aesthetically feeling that way now when I smile…. yes, it does… in the care and concern of another/others.
Shit- I don’t have a title for this…
I have to say that I am so proud of the efforts in this pandemic- today I hear the numbers in southern states have some of the hard decisions coming into lives of those that remain and I have nothing but best wishes in the times ahead- it’s going to suck.
- I have a self stated time in which I will feel that I have been successful in my efforts as small as they are… it’s good to… it’s so good…
- There are kiddos at the shelter im staying at…and last night I was like in a state of just phenomenal- okokok yes I said it. But this is about my hope for the future- which is another blog post coming tomorrow… working on a Saturday I know but there is no time to waste
- I digressed…
- So in being around kiddos im like these young cute leaders of the world are amazing- not only do they coming into the world after only forty weeks but they are like…. So I was like you know, you’ll know the best is here and it’s time to really kick back when there is a president, vice president, national security advisor, secretary of state, cabinet, joint chiefs, joint chiefs of advisors- there may be some redundancy there but when I see all the leaders of our country but maybe one all just diversity. minority, non-white, whatever label you want to put there- im like omg…
- So the over 130 million dollars (that’s what google tells me there 130 million pounds is in American dollars- but I have government mistrust that like whoa- outside of the ones you already know of…) that are going into the 6000 homes being built for those without homes…. That may be double… I'm not usr that the dollars and the homes are one in the same and I'm not sure if any of it has to be repaid…
- Like can I be a bitch for a second and say that those efforts in state that are now closing or have people and this pandemic on fire… like- we’ve been going through this for over 140 days… so if they are running around wigging out and shit they are truly not with best intentions at heart because like that stellar example and level of ‘thank you’ I’ve been living in and huffing and puffing about the entire time yes- but… if they don’t have some decisive actions in the form of scribblings on a napkin or some shit at least then hey, once its over storm that Bastille of those incumbents (no disrespect as thats like a real thing that happened in another countries history…)
- Within what is done for those with out homes over seas- I wonder what ‘there’ free will is like within that supportive network versus outside of it…. Is there a mando wake up (like, no o’ (does the high comma go before or after the o…?!) fucking fense but this is 5:45am wake up as per the federal government in relation to being federally funded or accepting individuals that are federally funded… that being said is it because of…… and then is it consistent- or can a republican administration et al (homeland security and their investigations of them being a terrorists organization- well, its like the tech giants, wink wink- I kind of felt that one out of the bag… so don’t worry- no need to show-boat ya know…but like the republican party is acting as a terrorist organization… do you know that in the Federal Supreme Court Rulings and Decisions that have come out- like June is a big month for them… and they have been banging shit out… like upholding human rights left and right. They be like LaBron or Kobe <3 slapping that shit right out the basket… all of the justices almost…
- So our butt hurt president has now turned his nose to the shit of our past and is attacking the ACA AGAIN! Like stadtfuwts! I added an s… you like?
- He’s straight up going after the parts that affect WOMEN (where are you writing to you incumbents… even the republican women should be writing against this… in my penis holding and having opinion…. But never-mind alcove that… AND women that are LGBTQ…. Remember those with naturally occurring parts or that fit one demographic now that under this administration who knows where you’ll be fitting tomorrow. Comprende?
- Please, Please, Please I live in a state that has guarded itself with an executive Branch, Governor Newsome has been a stud and law at its most true. He has protected us and I have nothing but faith and confidence and love for his efforts- he has saved so many lives between the pandemic that we are still in, owning his office like a boss,
- (this negativity gets its own space) and then guarding us against hate and what I like have combined racism in with that- like radical racism…so something I cant quantify….
- no, I had coffee after breakfast with a grip of- actually container almost of nutella, cinnamon pancakes, a packet o sugar and then some syrup as its pancakes, like didn’t have a choice in that condiment, syrup is mando…and then it turned into a sticky sugar, probably would be a risk for certain individuals with diabetes to even look at* as it pertains to the pre-chew digestive efforts….- eckhmmmm phd’s here go your third or fourth haha- nothing but love and admiration, you’re apart of my courage, daily.
- Ugh I have to be more mindful in actions- I finally brought up the confidential informants at the shelter I’m at- it’s like a comfortable shelter for real but there of course are the outliers- you know the kind that brag about having sex around the corner in the bushes and shit- like that’s entrapment you asshole.
- So I was dealing with my AirPods all of a sudden disappearing and then reappearing and like- it’s too much. Then I’ve gone through two locks and my busted co-parents are behaving as I fell trap to… I know better. I want them out of my life- they wont allow for it… they create situations in which they become the hero out of my tragedy. Buggar off. Get a grip and stop disrespecting families that don’t have their children around because of your generation, people just like you, just like your parents, and just like some of your friends kids… stop it. Its unfathomable that the co-parents I shared a home with with the minor now thank god portion of my existence would thought, word, and deed theirs souls this way. It's the ultimate heartbreak….
- I don’t like it when I have to be a bitch- I don enjoy it. It is painful- but this one dude was acting as if he was trying to get me to- you know the kind that knew I was coming- asking about my funding source and I’m just looking this person in the eyes with the energy behind them that thankfully got the message across… just that you know your entire life and career has revolved around doing the most harm that has been done since no no can remember because you’ve kept it going through the Jim Crow laws, the new Jim Crow laws, the new new Jim Crow laws that is that crap going out onto the streets recently that had people dropping like flies, and even now you still and your backing entity of the police or sheriffs cant see the end thats coming to your shit show thats lead to genocide in America.
- Yeah he got it and stopped but then I brought it up to someone else and now the retaliation has started but like a the end of never I will still be here in principle, purpose, and a fucking phenomenal personality… bahaha! It rank sometimes but someone kind said when that happens love, its that your reflecting people’s energy to preserve your soul while showing them theirs- it’s exhaustive but you're one of another, I know their is someone you're apart of and he apart of you- you know, you two are rubber, they are glue, whatever is evil or rank bounces back to them but instinctively you are aware of your surroundings… please never change.
- Where Rachel Zoe at cause I die…
and today was national HIV testing so I hope if any of you tested positive for HIV or tested positive and have aids numbers in the labs that come back- my soul is with you and I swear that the struggle is so real but the world is always better with you in it- please, stick around, for me?1 promise?
- Metro get your sit together and stop discombobulating these stops please. I will sue the shit out of you soon-
- Hey you, in person, cheesin’ with nothing of the past, present that I’ll remember because I’ve come to realize that for me when someone eckhmm wanted a hug with two hands it was the first time thats ever happened- and within that is just living- I may not remember day to day from the past, I may not remember day to day or time ahead… but thats because I’m just present and safe and with my friend…now when you look at me you won’t feel anything other then enough, because you are… you got me up out of a ditch, with a pneumothorax, oxygen saturations in the 60’s, and I already was physically limping before the maybe 50-75 whacks with golf clubs to then walk a block or so through an intersections, flick a security guard off at an urgent care clinic while reaching for a pay phone to dial 9 1 1 and call for help all because I could die without saying so face to face- and now I can without a busted grill… I hope you like those koala hugs cause I’m hugging with all fours. Hmmmm… to warn or not to warn… you’re sturdy… and I’m not rambling but right now I feel safe as safest safe. ytbmik, good night
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