its my Christmas... removed by VOTE!

¡Where an effing mask!  

I swear white people are so embarrassing- ya’ll stay the off home and sdastfuwts talking about how you can’t wear a mask- then stay the eff home!  It’s not hard- the only issue is that you’re white and a total asshole… 

• I am the asshole though, for not keeping up with the media and did you know that on the 25th was Justice Sonia Soto Mayor’s Birthday!  
• My nerves are so short after this fool was on the news- this old lady be like I ain't gonna wear a mask, I cant do it, and they can’t make me—- I was so embarrassed.  Sitting in a room full of nonwhite people… I was like, damn white people gonna do me like that this early in the morning… 
• Like why do they have to step out into the news like that knowing I am going to call they asses out- im falling for the entrapment or like boobie trap and you know heffa had one tit hanging out on the right side as the camera and in new orleans fo all -places- gotta step out making the south look dreadful while the nonwhite person being interviewed was showing universal CARE, CONCERN, AND COMPASSION for everyone by wearing her mask- thank you.
• See that’s what re-affirms my statement from yesterday!  The non-white populations have everyone in thought, word, and deed.  idaf, sdastfuwts before I slap your governor with a discrimination lawsuit or not mandating and enforcing masks- to not do so is an intent to cause its negligence and you better get your state together cuz.  I will show up at every court room I can speaking against the “how could you…’ you should have known bnetter’ and the worst ‘you could have done better, you have a stellar example from your peer the governor of California, adn you didnt, you were a straight tup pussy and it costs non-white lives to be lost and shame on you!’… I may have to ask Ms. Sarandon to stay at home- imagine her with a sign outside the courtroom that said “electrocute him!”  Let me not- I pray universally and equally for that to never happen to another soul with every breath I take- 
• Then in that courtroom or matter previously mentioned ima have to get them for wasting the democratic judiciary process time… and then im slappem with wasting a person time, and delaying my efforts
• So last night I was dreaming and kept having to get up to pee- I was like there is a damn republican 
• Please tell me that when people are being released from incarceration at this time that they are being released with masks….
• So no offense- the likelihood of me helping you put your new socks on and shoes on is small- I can facilitate it- not bragging but the Mercedes Benz symbol that just happened I must speak to- not in accolades or bulls hit like that but just in a me and you and another… I got a cigarette for you though and then the person that helped, after I said no sorry she already got it, put the shoes on… like humanity at its finest… 
• My higher power worked yesterday getting someone back to the shelter after bing gone for a few days and then he be working today- it is another effing phenomenal day… holla.
• Im about to fucking cuss if the god damn metro doesn’t stop banging on me- I swear to law and the law that what’s coming is going to set them straight but feel free to start with what you already know is coming… shit its like begging for an entity to just do their fucking jobs,….
• Im so over it- this is like trying to teach a child to ride a bike, thats got a flat tire and then the co-parent is on the other side fo tree to kick the kiddo off the bike and steal it… like, I've already survived that kind of reality… no need to verify my life anymore then that… douche bag.
• Being a citizen or person in our country is hard- like I know people come here and are just amazed that we’ve all survived our government this long and im for real though… ugh… hey guess, what?  Chicken butt. :) 
• Guess why?  Chicken thigh! :)
• And happy belated birthday justice soto mayor… thank you.  And thank you to the court as a whole- you see that post where I was like where are y’all?  ha!  I’m up here in all this guard defending your freedoms and rights, bitch!  Ha my words not theirs… but if I had to reach… :)
• So proud of my family in Mississippi!  The confederate emblem from their states flag being removed BY VOTE! It’s like Christmas and it’s 7:51am here…

good times are here to stay...

The end of the world as we know it is not the end of world…

It is the end fo the confines we have been made to live in… and in that…

This is my perfect future after the pandemic is over…

Donatella Versace said it best in Vogue… Our Common Thread

• I hope for all the front line workers couture inspired uni’s.  Those female and male postal workers been due for an upgrade… I mean like head turning work wear and vehicles… I’m bitter for them in regards to the amazon automo’s that buzz around… yes, nationally.

I’ve been waiting my whole life for a fantasy to come my way, our way- for us all, and the time is now… be selfish a selfish can been, considering yourself, your family unit, your family, your extended family, and then when all of that is sifted and collated…. like, all that subjective data then becomes objective into numbers that incumbents are premised on then making our reality…

• Omg imagine all the brand new all electric/clean air busses with all the old ones being recycled
• Like all of a sudden I one day they all replaced- they could even be blue nationally- you now the ones im speaking of, the ones with the doors that open to the side but on the outside
• Ones that don’t make it so that someone in a wheel chair gets dinged at like I swear you can be three blocks away with someone inside you or inside another- like it takes a lot to distract you when allove that is taking place right?  But even then if your windows are open you can hear that shit and it doesn’t make that noise when I get on so I really don’t understand in the worst way
• And then the same one that has a grip of usb charging outlets under each seat- I'm using one now to charge my AirPods case
• And that one day of all the buses just being on the streets I wish could happen nationally- of Birmingham you have no idea, all the new grids go active with new schedules and routes- I’d cry
• Thrift stores and hand-me-down clothing be paid for by the government and then recycled- everything… furniture, laptops, cases, iPhones, phones, automobiles..
• A time when if whomever signed up on an individual level fo individualized patient care and also stellar rejuvenate stimulation if everyone pissed and okokok cool- the next time in xyz days a ‘clean test’ to you gets you an all electric automobile.  Turn that gasoline explosive nightmare and heartache in and here you go… or here is your college education… here is your opportunity to end stereotypes and be your own opportunity within the opposers confines to prove how amazing you are and how wrong anyone who says your not enough was this whole effing time.
• A time when we learn from this pandemic currently and have everything ready to go- signage, masks, everything- to be deployed so that people don’t go without food and don’t go without adult diapers for example…
• We did and are doing so good here- like, I am so proud of the public health life savers I know and work with in the volunteer gig I have… but I cant ensure that everywhere reached the level they did…
• Also, some people will forever opt for the outdoors to be their home- its choice at its most stellar… but within that, doesn’t mean thats their choice ro acceptable health practices to have that be so during a pandemic- so could it be that again the hotel voucher system be something that hangs around- I love it.  again, I haven't been able to tap those resources so I still think they are a front or fake but maybe soon…. But like someone who finds it necessary to vacate immediately and needs a place to stay… I think phenomenal.
• A credit redo- everyone starts as equals- don’t like it?  Don’t get credit…
• The history and the credit are within us and in our DNA… no need to live anymore physically in that… no need to lead our financial lives, our physical lives, or our lives mentally anymore so then that…
• I get annoyed with the commute here- I'm like do you know that in the bay I could go from walnut creek to downtown sf in an hour… it took longer then that to go from south central to downtown or from the neighborhood to downtown- thats unacceptable.
• Public transit everywhere, supplemental nutrition assistance for anyone ages fourteen and over with money management teaching, general relief for those sixteen and over without having to be repaid with money management teaching, for those eighteen years and over or at the time of completing GED, high school diploma earned, or graduation from youth authority- a white man’s bank account or one of your choice with a $1000 deposit that is recurring four times per year in addition to the gr/snap benefits until you’re out of college, student loans repaid or then have an income over minimum level for the median income earner with potentiation for approval should there be a need with a needs abased assessment occurring on an annual basis with analysis to identity the areas for “improvement” without retaliation or changes in that individuals contributions to the seed planted for the shade of the generations behind to enjoy.
• A place again for those who live life as their soul compels them- (who may be sitting beside me right now stinking to high effing heaven annoying the shit out of me… but none the less daddy do you…) that they can live life to the fullest, wether it be parking stations that are full self care all encompassing take care of yo shit, shit, shower, bust a nut, shave, and go be the stellar light in the world that you are- cause who knows I might need that shit one day before I meet the president, my person, of face the day…
• Vacation time, EIB time (not even sure I remember what that is though I know as a w-2 employee I’ve had it, sick time without retaliation, family medical leave, mental health days, some of those with options to be accrued with others not- like, bitch you taking these off days fool and ideally ina cumulative manner (meaning two weeks off straight away)… can we get a van Der pump consult please
• And within that a government that will support your becoming the best american citizen or person within our country possible by going and visiting your foreign family, friends, and soon to be acquaintances or friends… adn to some that looks like domestic travel and sweet.
• A transition from public health to public medicine… this is a new day….
• Ombudsman in schools- student advocates that are their for retention and individualized patient education as in they all the same essentially or are they- who knows the best is yet to come…
• I want to drive one of those super blue buses from san jose… they be like fuunngghhhnngggg down the street.  You know what I'm, saying- that what I want everywhere- they in LA, but I want the new new new everywhere, the neighborhood, weho, noho, imaho, (gotcha, ha!), 
• Charting for these community nonprofits thats them and an iPad v having to go back and take alcove that to the office to then enter into the computer and then me re-sign… 
• Inpatient pharmacy being the ones to bring you your discharge meds with teaching and a hug… even if you don’t want the meds provided by them- they be like your shit is sent to your pharmacy but hi my name is adequately educated, pharmd… do you have any questions cause you’re leaving here on some serious science and informing you (eeeckckkkhmmmm- research opportunity…) about your medication actually makes it work better..
• That the gang file be made known where ever it may exist, any person associated or affiliated with or in the gang file be made aware of such as well as those illegalities and injustices- justice.
• All this vetting someone as to their truth stop- I am not to proven or disproved within any system outside of my knowledge or such and to do so is an injustice- I’m a person.  Careful with your conflicts of character and conflicts in character as to how you come at me- today isn’t the day, and I am not the one.
• That’s it so far- I have more but this will be an ongoing thing- some of which I have submitted privately within the volunteer gig I have and the other entities I take part in- sorry about the emails but I have to say them as I go.  For example over the weekend I ran into someone without a mask and as I pulled one out I was then prompted to email the civilian oversight commission and ask if people as they were being released from jail were being provided a mask…
• Miranda be heard- no matter what and if then there is an arrest made that takes away someones rights and citizenship (even as a natural born american) that there be a standard and core measures to meet in our country- like, this is what you can expect with time frames and absolutes…. If there aren’t toothbrushes available then you can’t arrest someone. 

In person, I’ma be the one cheesin’.  I don’t want to wait any longer- but, you have both our best interests at heart… but ima jump and hug with both arms- hey, maybe soon it can be at my own space.

And there is Chief Justice John Roberts with the slappin that shit out the basket like he’s labron or Kobe :) thank you! 4-4-1 its going to be a good day- 

it's not the best, but it is a piece of me...

Today- I can title it at the open of a new template…

Today- I feel like I did good…

• First I have to say- that I can smile…
• I officially give myself permissions to smile… it’s hard for me to quantify but I’ll do my best….
• When I see people from before I got kicked to officially twenty four hours ago they would see guilt, remorse, that they weren’t enough, aren’t enough… I’m glad that I didn’t waste anytime reconnecting or that they didn’t either but it was torturous.  
• When I would smile at them I smiled- like, straighttup cheesin’!  
• You understand if you’ve even been away from people and a home and a city that you don’t just love but that you feel like loves you… like, cheesin’!  With a effin’ grill that’s got the years in between reminding them with each smile of pain.  That’s not fair- learning to ride a bike is life at its most difficult… 
• So here I am showing my love and being met with a grimace almost… I promise I cant wait to effing see you… I might cry.
• Okokok so now I can smile and not only feel like myself, but be met with them as a time and place not from then but just present… like, I could almost cry now.  I did last night.
• I cannot say or do anything more than just say thank you.  Oh and duh write a thank you note… which is on my thoughts now as a I feel good but I got one more thing to do before bed haha
• girl, Ciara and Missy are in my ears singing about work, work, work, work…. Im trying to not jiggle that thing all the way down to the ground… haha.  I had giggle not jiggle… now im giggling- I swear at our best we are also our own entertainment when the pain of a person’s life has them hollering and carrying on because the government isn’t there for them- I’m trying boo, I promise.  
• I wish a hater would get crunk off this crime mob crew- okokok enough singing- I’m going to check my po box- if someone asks I be like im on federal business but then I am not trying to containment my stellar rep with that of the feds as in the federal bureau of incompetence.  yes, that’s me, sitting where I am with my Mac typing away and trying to blend in- ha!  I just realized how big this effing mask looks on my face…
• Okokok to the good good… does it get better then me feeling that after the crews efforts of getting em back to my soul and then where I am now with aesthetically feeling that way now when I smile…. yes, it does… in the care and concern of another/others.

Shit- I don’t have a title for this…

I have to say that I am so proud of the efforts in this pandemic- today I hear the numbers in southern states have some of the hard decisions coming into lives of those that remain and I have nothing but best wishes in the times ahead- it’s going to suck.  

• I have a self stated time in which I will feel that I have been successful in my efforts as small as they are… it’s good to… it’s so good…
• There are kiddos at the shelter im staying at…and last night I was like in a state of just phenomenal- okokok yes I said it.  But this is about my hope for the future- which is another blog post coming tomorrow… working on a Saturday I know but there is no time to waste 
• I digressed…
• So in being around kiddos im like these young cute leaders of the world are amazing- not only do they coming into the world after only forty weeks but they are like…. So I was like you know, you’ll know the best is here and it’s time to really kick back when there is a president, vice president, national security advisor, secretary of state, cabinet, joint chiefs, joint chiefs of advisors- there may be some redundancy there but when I see all the leaders of our country but maybe one all just diversity.  minority, non-white, whatever label you want to put there- im like omg… 
• So the over 130 million dollars (that’s what google tells me there 130 million pounds is in American dollars- but I have government mistrust that like whoa- outside of the ones you already know of…) that are going into the 6000 homes being built for those without homes…. That may be double… I'm not usr that the dollars and the homes are one in the same and I'm not sure if any of it has to be repaid… 
• Like can I be a bitch for a second and say that those efforts in state that are now closing or have people and this pandemic on fire… like- we’ve been going through this for over 140 days… so if they are running around wigging out and shit they are truly not with best intentions at heart because like that stellar example and level of ‘thank you’ I’ve been living in and huffing and puffing about the entire time yes- but… if they don’t have some decisive actions in the form of scribblings on a napkin or some shit at least then hey, once its over storm that Bastille of those incumbents (no disrespect as thats like a real thing that happened in another countries history…)
• Within what is done for those with out homes over seas- I wonder what ‘there’ free will is like within that supportive network versus outside of it…. Is there a mando wake up (like, no o’ (does the high comma go before or after the o…?!) fucking fense but this is 5:45am wake up as per the federal government in relation to being federally funded or accepting individuals that are federally funded… that being said is it because of…… and then is it consistent- or can a republican administration et al (homeland security and their investigations of them being a terrorists organization- well, its like the tech giants, wink wink- I kind of felt that one out of the bag… so don’t worry- no need to show-boat ya know…but like the republican party is acting as a terrorist organization… do you know that in the Federal Supreme Court Rulings and Decisions that have come out- like June is a big month for them… and they have been banging shit out… like upholding human rights left and right.  They be like LaBron or Kobe <3 slapping that shit right out the basket… all of the justices almost…   
• So our butt hurt president has now turned his nose to the shit of our past and is attacking the ACA AGAIN!  Like stadtfuwts!  I added an s… you like?  
• He’s straight up going after the parts that affect WOMEN (where are you writing to you incumbents… even the republican women should be writing against this… in my penis holding and having opinion…. But never-mind alcove that… AND women that are LGBTQ…. Remember those with naturally occurring parts or that fit one demographic now that under this administration who knows where you’ll be fitting tomorrow.  Comprende? 
• Please, Please, Please I live in a state that has guarded itself with an executive Branch, Governor Newsome has been a stud and law at its most true.  He has protected us and I have nothing but faith and confidence and love for his efforts- he has saved so many lives between the pandemic that we are still in, owning his office like a boss, 
• (this negativity gets its own space) and then guarding us against hate and what I like have combined racism in with that- like radical racism…so something I cant quantify…. 
• no, I had coffee after breakfast with a grip of- actually container almost of nutella, cinnamon pancakes, a packet o sugar and then some syrup as its pancakes, like didn’t have a choice in that condiment, syrup is mando…and then it turned into a sticky sugar, probably would be a risk for certain individuals with diabetes to even look at* as it pertains to the pre-chew digestive efforts….- eckhmmmm phd’s here go your third or fourth haha- nothing but love and admiration, you’re apart of my courage, daily.
• Ugh I have to be more mindful in actions- I finally brought up the confidential informants at the shelter I’m at- it’s like a comfortable shelter for real but there of course are the outliers- you know the kind that brag about having sex around the corner in the bushes and shit- like that’s entrapment you asshole.
• So I was dealing with my AirPods all of a sudden disappearing and then reappearing and like- it’s too much.  Then I’ve gone through two locks and my busted co-parents are behaving as I fell trap to… I know better.  I want them out of my life- they wont allow for it… they create situations in which they become the hero out of my tragedy.  Buggar off.  Get a grip and stop disrespecting families that don’t have their children around because of your generation, people just like you, just like your parents, and just like some of your friends kids… stop it.  Its unfathomable that the co-parents I shared a home with with the minor now thank god portion of my existence would thought, word, and deed theirs souls this way.  It's the ultimate heartbreak….
• I don’t like it when I have to be a bitch- I don enjoy it.  It is painful- but this one dude was acting as if he was trying to get me to- you know the kind that knew I was coming- asking about my funding source and I’m just looking this person in the eyes with the energy behind them that thankfully got the message across… just that you know your entire life and career has revolved around doing the most harm that has been done since no no can remember because you’ve kept it going through the Jim Crow laws, the new Jim Crow laws, the new new Jim Crow laws that is that crap going out onto the streets recently that had people dropping like flies, and even now you still and your backing entity of the police or sheriffs cant see the end thats coming to your shit show thats lead to genocide in America.  
• Yeah he got it and stopped but then I brought it up to someone else and now the retaliation has started but like a the end of never I will still be here in principle, purpose, and a fucking phenomenal personality… bahaha!  It rank sometimes but someone kind said when that happens love, its that your reflecting people’s energy to preserve your soul while showing them theirs- it’s exhaustive but you're one of another, I know their is someone you're apart of and he apart of you- you know, you two are rubber, they are glue, whatever is evil or rank bounces back to them but instinctively you are aware of your surroundings… please never change.  
• Where Rachel Zoe at cause I die…

and today was national HIV testing so I hope if any of you tested positive for HIV or tested positive and have aids numbers in the labs that come back- my soul is with you and I swear that the struggle is so real but the world is always better with you in it- please, stick around, for me?1 promise?

• Metro get your sit together and stop discombobulating these stops please.  I will sue the shit out of you soon- 
• Hey you, in person, cheesin’ with nothing of the past, present that I’ll remember because I’ve come to realize that for me when someone eckhmm wanted a hug with two hands it was the first time thats ever happened- and within that is just living- I may not remember day to day from the past, I may not remember day to day or time ahead… but thats because I’m just present and safe and with my friend…now when you look at me you won’t feel anything other then enough, because you are… you got me up out of a ditch, with a pneumothorax, oxygen saturations in the 60’s, and I already was physically limping before the maybe 50-75 whacks with golf clubs to then walk a block or so through an intersections, flick a security guard off at an urgent care clinic while reaching for a pay phone to dial 9 1 1 and call for help all because I could die without saying so face to face- and now I can without a busted grill… I hope you like those koala hugs cause I’m hugging with all fours.  Hmmmm… to warn or not to warn… you’re sturdy… and I’m not rambling but right now I feel safe as safest safe.  ytbmik, good night 

the season of...

grant writing... omg, what are the implications of covid-19 in this regard... and considering its like where the fruit o the tree or the money and then it grows.... I don't know... but as grant writing season comes quickly like the time to wake up or pee... to all the grant writers... thank you.  (literally, these people are like a handful and are reasonable for securing like a gagillion dollars county by county and don't take a piece or percentage... if that ain't some shit to then prepare in regards to the pandemic and then that kind of crap possibly elevating the numbers as to speak to energy thats like exploited a bit.... omg daddy, how was your day.... it was fantastic we just go tan overdraft fee.... but, the grant went thought and so the county has the 100 million dollars for parking ticket paper it was hoping for... btw did you pay that from the other night?!  Seriously, this is so real it can't even really be a privacy issue...

American dental association... I have a favor to ask...

Civilian oversight Commission

More questions or thoughts-

• Within the American Dental Association and their care and concern- I’ve gone to the dental service clinic at MCJ and they have a pull out option only… there is no, to my knowledge, infra structure to support the time AB109 terms are doing or completing… 
• Here’s the deal with dentists- you go into their office on the outside… same chair as is on the inside… they do not fuck around, the molding paste I just had imprints taken with is the same exact one they used with I was in middle school needing a retainer… they one and done it… I do think they may have added floor to it… but, same technology.  They haven't been afforded the opportune to do a lot of prototype medical device technology one price for same procedure/different cost versus one price for same procedure/double cost fr you with a variation in the outcomes… they don’t do that so as I said before LA County is the only hope for establishing nation standards and national core measures so that even dental care is available in every state within the incarceration population period- its not because as it is here in prisons but not in jails regarding cleaning… thats discrimination and preferential treatment and the future tripping leads to a ‘not available’ stamp- LA has the five, and the five, but then the fifth… us, if we don’t potentiate now- there may be one day when god forbid if I were your kiddo (fo roy, not me, ha) and went to jail under an AB 109 term that this commission may regret not proposing even they are a bit bitter that medical reimburses so shitty and the jails not at all- dental care in jails in all probing or donated time- isn’t a learning dentists but is usually an attending or above… and I'm not tripping when I say the HBIC at the ADA could very well be the one donating his time every weekend so that when something like this comes as a the opportunity for humane treatment within oral care and (esophageal cancer or like stomach ulcers and gastric ph fluctuations and epigastric stenosis) prevention as well as over all state of health- so many people loose teeth in jail and they aren’t quantified- in a gang members mothers omg of a presence yes… I have total confidence, but within what a white republican like the two leading gate senate would consider worthy- I guarantee you if you put that dentist and that mama in the same room you’ll then have to actually make it a reality and do the work… funding, legalities, and not to mention a dentist will not be happy with the state o things regardless to miranda rights being heard all the way up and down, as due process doesn’t apply to everyone and once they are present, they are an extension of the ABC model- airway, breathing , clearance- and trust they can save you probably better then some ER physicians because they have done so in their own private offices outside of an actual hospital or medical center… and a lot are military…. So, invite them to the table.  Please.  If thats already been established as a ‘don’t do it’ within partisan leadership then that is no more as I have a blog… so whatever lines drawn like that- injustice.  I will take that shit with me on the list when I go, omg in a dream, to the federal supreme court… and if not, thankfully I have international people who omg at the shit as well as in the states.  No ego boosting or self boasting- but simply vindicating that I have a university bachelor’s degree and am terrified to bring this up national because people in red states don’t want people taken care o , they want them eradicated and are literally executing people by electric chair probably as we speak like hav been for a week or so now, one per day as per the power company union contract thats like five states strong so… but who knows… so they down want this and will come very hard… so game changers in la should have some protection… seriously. Every red state resident with a tragic past and a broken heart could be coming for you if you try to make dental care routine there and if the president doesn’t get in line homeland security already has the republican party labeled as a terrorist organization so on top of that the united nations is not having it and they are both one in the same so don’t trip over names… but trip over the race to redefining what humanity in the states formerly now the united states is to be and to become… like allow these hard die scions by our supports form foreign lands down- if they pull out there will be no mercy from the pride over another person incumbents and I am not playing.  I’ve lived there.  
• Like the longest AB 109 I know of is more then two years less than six… in county.  So unless there were trips to LAC USC’s dental school at the old general hospital, new county building where they have that jail ward at the bottom, yep been there after eye surgery also- then dental care is as follows
• Store Dental items (which vary per block or dorm- like whoa. And can be taken away related to privileges or what do they call it… realignment protocols which can include sleeping on a steal rack with no mat for 96 hours… but this is premised on the American dental association and the core measures and standards they can mandate within the jails… 
• Store lists… if they are even gettin store during this time… if not, that sheriff stated they were not in crisis mode and some mental health issues are premised on a person having experienced trauma so great they only eat food that is packaged- so if those bags are brought to them- they will literally starve themselves out fo fear…. (not purpose, but fear for what another person ro someone may have or have not done to the food that isn’t packaged.)
• Dental bands for braces as flossers- on store list only… so you have to have money on your books.
• Toothpaste
• Toothbrush
• Toothbrush with a bit of a longer handle still not full length though
• Fish kits/hygiene kits
• Clear tooth brush without molar reaches…
• Clear tooth paste that my breath is still rank from- that way people stay away from each other… hard to scream and yell when ugh, your breath though… 
• No mouthwash- or not to me, period. Even the alcohol free has the contaminant to that you don’t want to swallow it and also there are one million reasons why they don’t things, however, those days have passed and now I’m saying that hepatitis A on a thats why they all take bottled water in their every day with them- duh.  They don’t just do shit for no reason- so go in, you gonna get hep a…like, are going to.  food, water, pb&j or just a sly dep I don’t know… but its a reality.  The shits are the shits and that way you shit out any contraband that may be keistered… yes, they don’t do a single thing that then doesn’t have some sort of secondary or hidden ‘benefit.’  Not trying to be rude- but direct… my friend let me 18 voicemails before he died after I promised him that the number I was giving him was real- it was, but I was in a place that didn't allow phones out of genuine care and concern… so the only person I'm mad at is the one who thinks routine dental care int needed… oh, a student in nursing can observe- there I found nursing in as well…. A HBIC of a nursing professor told me once that if nursing students don’t go there, shit is real… this was regarding either jails and she lied or fibbed or/and homeless encampments where the government walks in with flame throwers if found… so I support inviting Nursing to the table as well… trust, I know no one in my life today… but I have a person who I feel is a true sentinel event that I spent three months sharing pieces of my soul with and him as well- 

All of that came to me in the shower… give me something to do and my mind wanders sometimes- to proper just in the limitless inertia way in which everyones is not capable of but is of… don’t be your own modern day incumbent…. There are many in number… be the one that ought to get a cut from they check….i promise just as the system wanted and wants to hear from you…that was like years ago- when’s the last time you said hello out loud to the actually intelligent system?  We chatted today- and here is this… so I know I’m not where I want to be but I know I am who I want to be…. 

please don't think I am not agreeing with you- what I need to accomplish can be done quickly within what I can do... from there I agree and can stay the off out of them... 

more ramblings...but incarceration based

More thought’s for The COC

I know these may not go into the public record or comment but I’ve been thinking more about the virtual meeting and felt I should share- 

• When the pandemic first started there were recommendations that came out from the autopsies in Wuhan… I don’t know that their effectiveness but I’ve been practicing a lot of them and I have remained negative for the virus and have been living in shared housing/shelters around people whom I’m unsure if they are or aren’t… this information was provided to me directly from the source…
• Warm fluids are best versus cold- so are they getting hot water like they are supposed to….
• No smoking
• Soaps that foams is best
• Eat fruits high in vitamin C, and specifically those containing Zinc- the naturals are better for these versus supplementation... I know there is the whole pruno issue that has real consequences like blindness and other eye problems... however, the liability and tragedy associated with the virus and becoming infected having no choice or voice in the matter and then not being able to ever see your family members or friends again is where I come from...
• Sunlight will kill the virus if its on your clothes- so yard time is so important…
• Washing clothes daily- or store in sunlight if washing daily isn’t an option…
• Sore throats are to immediately seek medical attention
• Metallic surfaces allow the virus to live up for nine days
• Gargling with an antiseptic like vinegar is good because the virus can live down/in your throat- like gargle, not swishing and swallowing.
• When you come in from outside- though the sunlight does kill the virus, as part of healthy practices and behaviors it is so important to be able to shower
• Within this is that the virus can live on your hair… so for those with and with hair on their head- It isn’t specific to head hair…
• The importance also of the ones still on the inside being able to trim their hair and supported in this as an initiative or core measure and then creating a standard to which this self care is provided in a routine manner with a time frame.  
• For example biweekly- for two day six needed in every dorm so that every person (i will not call them bodies as they are referred to on the inside by the jailers and sheriff’s) gets the opportunity to guard themselves against this…
• Within healthcare it’s a rule that staffing is not a physician concern- for instance within a physician admitting patients or doing surgeries it is with out regard to how many nurses are working…
• In that way of thinking I don’t care that their is a shortage of trusty support to do laundry or anything else… the standard should not fall in that regard- I apologize but modern day slavery is stopping…LASD needs to get on board and stop arresting people all because this or that person they know of is a trusty is can then quickly be put back to work within the laundry service.  
• They is a no reason in my mind that a dep or jailer can’t do a load of laundry.
• Now is the time to create standards and care measures- I am putting a lot into this statement but Los Angeles is a game changer- everything good about our country when I lived in Alabama I thought then and then I have come to realize is out of Los Angeles.  We have the Execitive Branch behind us- Governor Newsome and Mayor Garcetti are thought leaders- I have total confidence that we can create a system in which as a person in our country, country, state, city regardless of geographical location if I am arrested I know that I am to receive a fish kit with said items/a hygiene kit with said items, a bed roll that has said items, that a phone call is to be provided within 2 hours of being placed in cuffs, that miranda right’s are again not to be treated with the subjectivity that exists, that no questioning is to ever be done without an attorney present- I don’t care if it’s 2am or 2pm on Christmas- this is a severe situation and until there is advancements in humane treatment within closed walls body worn cameras are not to be optional and are not to be able to be turned on and off… in a hospital nurses are right there, you can step out of the door to a patient room as a family member and know that someone is there- even if just to establish piece of mind….
• Ive been in a cell when another inmate within that dorm is being beaten to death, which did lead to one dying- that kick, kick, kick, of a person doing that to another’s head between a door where the emergency buttons are there in some cells and not others is a lived experience that I have… and then an officer coming when someone (me) did push the button saying ‘kick him again’ and walking away fo fit to continue- what is this COC going to do in that regard?
• Pillows are available on store lists in some jails and not others within this very state… 

I trust you all, and. I hope this finds you well and that I may wish you a happy Father’s Day- from my heart to yours with permissions.

Best,

Joshua Ray

And more then that- there are those big ass tide 18 wheelers that come and do folks laundry during natural disasters… as in, here is the disaster and to show care and concern is only natural… so there you go.

when I feel like I'm alone or the only one going through it... this is phenom...

title… read what’s to follow and then try to ‘title.’  Those are the most infuriating five letters in a specific sequence… don’t judge me, I’m starting my day with a menthol and a diet mountain dew after some aesthetics and subsequent yelps for relief regarding hair removal… (no, I don’t feel bad, but I want the pain from yesterday that I still feel to be treated…)

Okokok, there is so much to learn about yourself… I am so thankful with everything that was yesterday, after some itemizing and identifying, being open to the possibilities of today and making some decisions about how to proceed, here I am- where is Sia… you know that I survived song… :) I’m fighting off being sassy can you tell… there is this apple news article- protests across the globe after George Floyd’s death… it’s so real- 37 photos…

1. Paris, France
2. Trafalgar Square in Central London
3. Lausanne, Switzerland
4. Bristol, England
5. Westminster, London
6. Avenida Presidente Vargas, in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
7. Protesters march in Rome
8. Madrid
9. Edinburgh, Scotland
10. Foreign and Commonwealth Office Building in London
11. Consulate General of the United States in Hong Kong
12. Lausanne, Switzerland
13. Maastricht, Netherlands
14. Brussels, Belgium
15. Holyrood Park in Edinburgh, Scotland
16. Porto, Portugal
17. Manchester, England
18. Aboriginal protesters conduct a traditional smoking ceremony at Town Hall in Sydney, Australia
19. Champs de Mars in Paris
20. Cardiff, Wales
21. Berlin
22. Frankfurt, Germany
23. Melbourne, Australia
24. Pretoria, South Africa
25. London
26. Stuttgart, Germany
27. Berlin
28. Seoul, South Korea
29. Pristina, Kosovo
30. Tunis, Tunisia
31. Liege, Belgium
32. Tokyo
33. Cologne, Germany
34. Luton, England
35. Sofia, Bulgaria
36. Dublin, Ireland
37. Sydney

https://apple.news/AV3zcBr1PSNON2twUA1FPyQ is the link should you want to see any of the photos- I highly encourage finding the article if you can.  Thanks CNN

• I try not to get worked up but it happens, when I look at those photos especially when I’m trying to feel like the rest of the world doesn’t exist- I passively come out of it… for me it’s a not so good place not be.  The support and love for us is out there on the international stage- when I see the photos, like the realness, civilians or citizens of other country’s holding a BLM sign… the racism nuncio Mais, the man in Berlin with the victims names that died at the hands of the police, how in the world what I think of as an aboriginal people/person in Crocodile Dundee protesting for a cause like this- like, do they receive emails?  I’m being funny, and it’s meant to be from love- if these thoughts or questions don’t get you out of your self or feel more apart of a great big world then consult your therapist… nothing wrong with it… 
• My issues and actual connection within these photos are so superficial even though I have had my issues- in that when I say that our efforts here and what we do here as voters speaking to our concerns, lived experiences, and pain that bring about authority and badge purpose that is crafted, cultivated, and in the most severe and precise manner- like Bella in one o those twilight movies… the more we look at how we see ourselves in some of these extremes and then go from like the giant bubble that one may have now of the situation to then it being an outline or mirror image of your physical profile- I think that is how to do best.  It seems weird because I wanna talk about how open-ended and freely spoken the laws need to be regarding us as individuals- and I stand by that one hundred percent, the more you itemize or account for the greater the risk that in future someone will not see themselves in that legislation.  But when it starts from the voter up, each one, individually- consider yes, your family unit all inclusively, but your adopted gay son from another country, your daughter who is conservative, your ex-wife, person your dating, and the dog- don’t forget the pup!  Omg- what a douche…. Jkjkjk all those voters, if not now in the future with best wishes (like, regarding age lol) will have very unique ways in which there is true opportunity for the law and law to protect, support, and nurture each one to be self proclaimed and outwardly identified as successful, happy, or in process to be… don’t forget the one non-of-age-to-vote kiddo that has one on the way… see… yes.  Family unit, individuals within that and then the possibilities for growth and tragedy, the pup, you, the ex-wife, the future there- that family unit, and then everyone else’s…. 2500 counties girl I'm already thought out haha.  
• Its easy- go to your heart maybe and not your intellect or mind… hearts love, but sometimes my brain future trips or puts undue care and concern that can then be a little bit of an obstacle- thats what the law/law/our justices are purposed with and dedicate beyond what’s fathomable their souls to… it so romantic I could fall in love with the world all over again, and I do… but don’t worry- the way to get there and all of that extra is right behind this one…
• ¡i almost was there in the beginning with just the warm and fuzy- and not douchbagery- I’m such a work in progress…a mess!  ¡Not messy- that hurt!  Oh you’ll be the judge of that eh?  Duh.  :)
• I’m aiming for the next to be in 59 minutes or less…

another's pain- I'm begging...

We can do better…

Started on the row…

• Today I was waiting for the connecting bus to take me to the police station to complete the police report…
• I met someone named Carol- she was using a walker and first asked permission to speak with me… “sir, may I ask you something…’ is how our interaction started- I didn’t eye roll but in my heart I did- not because of the interaction itself, but because ain’t nobody want to talk to me for real… 
• So she shared with me that she wears adult diapers- for a reason I don’t know be it trauma, child birth, or the care provided through the ACA not being in so many lives and the subsequent issues that come from that…
• Ms. Carol isn’t able to find adult diapers because of the pandemic.
• I know that outreach has stopped, but this is ridiculous… like me she’s single and no additional funds have come into the lives of single individuals
• No addition general relief, no additional snap benefits, nothing.
• Omg the blessing in so many lives that would be jus funds showing up are undeniable… imagine the energy change- and as our numbers are going up in the manner in which they are it’s so needed…
• I shared with her how sorry I was that I wasn’t in a position to help her as she communicated that she needed an additional $4.80 to be able to purchase a pack of them
• As she walked away I did validate her claim with a glance and as a person with an educated view of people I saw that she did have a diaper on and it was ‘full.’  
• I can’t- its to much of a struggle to not post it and as well send it to my senators, executive branch and assembly women and men.
• I am so thankful that I ventured out on this father’s day to see people…
• Please do something about this- I’m begging.
• In the future that type of taking care of people shouldn’t be stopped… like, food, and adult diapers…
• And now and then hopefully finically good energy to account for the time in between the start of the pandemic on February 1, 2020 to now- _____ how many days… 140 days.
• The numbers are going up and I remind you that the virus is energy dependent- the human attitude or energy or the how we feel about the world will keep this virus at bay… put some money into people’s pockets and one their bet cards so they purchase dignity and in the case it comes in the form of adult diapers….
• Please- the Carol’s of the world don’t just exist in Los Angeles where I feel they are most visible and cared for- hey, she knows where to go to get them outside of the pandemic…
• HAPPY FATHER’S DAY from my heart to yours with permissions…

to my person- Happy Father's Day- you're the best man I know.  

Joshua Worthless

Joshua Worthless

I’ve officially decided that until I get married that should the opportunity come to then change my name- this is what it will be changed to…

• So I attended a meeting for the Civilian Oversight Commission- I am so thankful that we have this in Los Angeles County/ it is a city as well… and I hope it exists everywhere.  Measure R passed and I'm not sure if there is overlap as I think one is for the LAPD and the other is for the Sheriff’s Department.  I hope it sounds ok- feel free to let me know what you think… Covid-19
• So I have to first say- I feel this is a systems issue.  I have never worn a badge, I have idea what it is to do so, and I told a family member as a child there is no way I could ever be a policeman because I knew I was going to speed when I started driving… yes, I still have that type of view of the world, so please read this entirely.  Form my perspective with violence as an adult- many of us as a grown person have never been straight tup socked in the mouth…. But many have.  I have been in physical altercations as an adult and the aftermath as well as what led up to and then during… it was all very very unphathomable- is this really happening, is this really what I'm going through as an adult, ouch, omg this person intends to kill me, etc.  I just got assaulted the other night and I’m still not as I was before it happened- I’m the one at the bus stop spinning in circles as a continual looking over the shoulder situation.  (ha, it’s so true!)
• I’m not picking sides but I did during the meeting have to ground myself- and in that I found the systems issues, possibly some of ego and pride of individual badges… but to the mama’s and family members that had the courage to comment, thank you and I support you with a biased heart and mind- if I needed to state a conflict, it is that I as a civilian support civilians without regard for the consequences a badge may face in regards to their mistreatment of civilians. 
• My feelings and sentiments are there has to be something more then just a person with a badge behaving in the manner of killing a civilian… it has to be a lack of training, appropriate training, Supervisorial leadership and standards, as well as again a culture of its own, and then I love that someone used the term best practices- in nursing, or nursing science I was taught that once you’ve found best- there is always better… so I am not being contradictory or disrespectful as that commissioner gave way to this addition is that best practices once identified can always be cultivated or bettered… and that’s done from evidence.  In nursing science we practice at the bedside from what we call evidence based best practices… I don’t know how to incorporate that here, but I know some community nurses and professors that would love the opportunity.  
• Also- let me honest that gang units or gang members- even though as much as they are or aren’t something that’s subjective and slanderous or libel in nature like the term “gang member’ is to me…. They aren’t being treated as I would be in the court rooms.  I was in court recently to have a felony warrant recalled and there were two cases before mine…. The case where the defendant was a suspected gang member was totally different then the defendant not labeled a gang member.  It was disgusting to be honest- they moved my case up because I was popping off at the district attorney who in one case was bringing up this mans juvenile record of which he had already served time on… it was to the point of the DA not stopping- digging digging digging.  
• Let me be clear- the confidential informant or undercover side of policing is very real and very active and very illegal- but so are the criminals so there’s a much pull…. but, I need to know that the ones released weren’t just the confidential informants…
• I hope thats met with love and not doubt- trust I’ve been in jail a lot. And in two counties so the variance is real but the confident informants are not… I have no idea how to ensure that those types of illegalities within the police or authority stop- but I know that they are recidivism, they are the ones who with someone who isn’t a confidential informant will be arrest  as to build the friendship or the legitness within a suspected crime ring or something like that and within the data sets what does that do to the numbers… furthermore, is it that I don’t know if this body can do anything about it…but know that in what I know its about 30% of the total number of officers within an entire entity…like- lausd having 10,000, the confidential informants would be about 3,000.
• They are essentially the ones that could be looting during the demonstrations, being housed within the transitional housing thats available in order to then possibly cause fights and increase or maintain recidivism rates (and lets be honest- they have been doing a good job with the current rates at almost 100%),  they are part of the homeless population (sucking up and wasting resources 5-6 days per week and then going home to their families for a few days and then back at it again.), work at non-profits to have an influence over who gets housing and who doesn’t (they have a defined influence over project room key and why?), and will hit you, or yell at you as a person impersonating a civilian having a mental health crisis just to see what will happen or if you're a noise maker like some of us then its a convenience factor to then smash your head with a glass bottle or something like that…
• I think a lot fo that like of terminal violence if you will has been stopped, however, I can’t say that with absolution.
• I come from a small town in Alabama where within that small town the officers I grew up with were like part of the community.  They knew every teenager or driving age person’s name and were literally welcomed- this is within the part of the community I know so there may be variance within the peers I had at that time- but that’s what I would like to see.  And I think within the jail as having been in MCJ I must say an officer got jumped while I was in there.  Routinely they were kind and between them and the house mouses or dorm reps we all survived for the time I was there- but there are so many that don't.. 

Use of Force Recommendations…

• Officers in jails do not break up fights…. So to me if they aren’t breaking them up then they are causing them. I thinks its important that as these recommendations are implemented that the policy numbers or policies snd procedures be itemized within that recommendation to note the updated or replacement protocol that they are taking out of practice and putting into practice.
• The budgetary aspects I believe are executive branch things… but I’m not sure- and at the same time I think defunding is a very not tackling the problem, superficial, almost irrational suggestion- I don’t feel its well thought out, at the same time our country is very real and so are threats to national security- we are shielding in our daily lives by our government in the threats that are very real and imminent on a daily bases… to think that we can have a state of well being without someone there to protect us should our national security or our national state be compromised is not realistic. Im not saying that I have an answer or that they wouldn’t run for the hills if something did go down (but that’s the purpose right- to define or redefine the needs of the civilian population in which they are called to support and protect… ) but what I do know is that having a sense of safety and security is part of our country’s premise- and to many non-white identifying people that is a foreign concept… I’m am by no means contradicting their opinions, recommendations, or voices as they are speaking up and out about their lived experiences and what they feel is best for their communities, friends, family member's, and with people like myself as apart of that.  I have never once as a white male felt as though any of the suggestions for reform or culture change left me out or didn’t have my best interest at heart- the latinx, African american, black and other non-white communities during my life have never had the audacity or lack of perspective or respect to leave someone like me or anyone out of their consciousness or perspective and I will not have my words be interpreted as doing so or discrediting them in any way or manner.  Those mamas and sisters or family members of incarcerated individuals or people that have lost their lives in this I support without question- think of it as I have grown to do- if a person is shot and killed or executed by police or sheriff’s at the age of sixteen or seventeen (what does that look like?  It looks likes that young person on their knees in front of a bunch of badges and possibly other peers like them as a show of power and ‘as to be an example or who is really in control’ and a rookie or a captain raising a gun to that young person forehead and pulling the trigger.)… that’s around eighty years missing from the hearts of the world.  Eighty Birthdays, eighty times three hundred and sixty five days of ‘I love you mom or dad, I hope you have a good day’ is twenty nine thousand two hundred… if that affection was shown daily and for those eighty years… not to mention how many of you have grandchildren- how many times does a grandchild say that to their family members…. It's unquantifiable almost, but remember that I love everyone when I say how dare you.  How dare you not count that babies ‘I love you’s’ when there are those without that reality because of badges.  Because it’s not jus that one individual who is then executed in the streets who is not here anymore- but its the entire future of that individual from the first four minutes of life when an NRP certified nurse takes care of them and gives them their first bath after a cesarian section in the operating room to a nurse then giving them their last bath as part of postmortem care after having dyed a dignified natural death with their family and children and grandchildren there to say goodbye.   So many people don't have that, and so many people do have that- and it's not fair and the demographics to which those actualities do exist are so one sided I’ll probably cry again if those numbers are ever released as I am now.  But, I have a nursing degree from a top ten university and I aint trippin when I say I’ll get those number sand I do truly hope that in the meantime of that coming to life and the public’s knowledge that significant strides have been made.  I’m not being disrespectful or unreasonable- but these are severe situations that require precise interventions.
• Who will or would block off the streets during the gay pride parade, who would be there to usher sports teams safely to and from high school sporting events, who would make sure that if my red neck parents came to town packing over my being gay, having hiv, and having a blog and a voice would ensure my safety?  Or those that would be considered innocent civilian bystanders… like, I have an open matter with the police myself, they jumped me in pan pacific park… and I’m still dealing with that and it was three years ago.
• Another time, I was put in a wrap and my feet synched to my forehead with no regard for my lack of flexibility and being side walk homeless- so I come from a place of having literal hands put on me, on more then one occasion, in more then just this county/city by badges…
• For example I was in West Hollywood yesterday and the amount of people with no masks was appalling- where are they issuing citations?
• I’m not sure if it came up before I left the virtual meeting- but there is something we’re all not formally taking about and that’s the execution style by which a rookie is no longer a rookie after executing a civilian or an officer ‘deals with’ gang members or anyone else… It’s a national known issue within some communities… its very prevalent among the Latinx communities also and I didn't read anything about that on the recommendations list.

Meeting Specific…

• Hi, I'm Joshua Ray, I’ve been in MCJ not sure if that needs to be disclosed but there it is… I was curious that if they aren’t operating on crisis mode or aren’t in crisis then why is it that they aren’t getting rolls and fish kits/hygiene kits.  Just want make it known thats like toothbrush/toothpaste and for those without outside support like a large population of the k-6g’s its concerning- 
• And then within that- are they getting store during this time? 
• Are they being honored their right to a speedy trial which is within 30 days?  I wasn’t the last time I was in jail within the courts so I hope that is something that might could be looked into..
• My concern for not being able to go into the court room- like that was the only time I saw outside of my dorm for four months- so I know the risks but also- I know what a mental grounding going court can be…
• Are people still being able to go and visit?
• I wish I could tell the people I know that are dorm reps or house mouses how much they are regarded for keeping things peaceful and maintaining order- again the officers inside the jails and prisons do not break up fights.  

• There may be another one coming- I have much to say… omg, like Jane Fonda said that year regarding the Vietnam War- ‘there is much to say, but tonight isn’t the night/place’ in her acceptance speech at the academy awards… well, there is much to say and I’ve been feeling that way for sometime and it just my situation and speaks to my self confidence, self esteem, and sense of self regarding the recent series of events.. I will not let the world define me, I am human- definition is mine to define.  It’s like where do we begin, the rebel or our sins?  
• Im trying not to make them to lengthy, that’s the truth though
• And and with the mask I have two pointers… one is after you tie the bottom and loop the two top ones- perfect time for an adjust like the back and forth situate on the nose move with a bit of a mouse crinkle and then tie it with room to pull off and on from the top…
• I don’t know if I posted the blog where I wrote about my friend from jail… I downloaded google voice the other day, Noah like for ever ago now.  When I did there was like a grip of missed calls from the phone service on the inside.  Like, twenty five.  It’s hard when you create little family units everywhere you go- it’s hard.  hard.  You leave places like jail and have someone saying heartfelt things that are typical of family units- I don’t know what im going to do without you here, ugh im going to miss you, promise you’ll do good and if you come back im going to beat your ass.  A friend went through it, and called the number I gave him but (yes, that was me- smoking a Newport menthol 100 on a crisp Saturday night- does it get any better-no, it doesn’t) so my friend from jail called and called… and isn’t on this earth anymore- I’m sorry I didn’t answer.  Not so so sorry as I can receptively and contagiously be found saying… but I am sorry, and I promise to do everything I can in this life and the next to make sure that no one feels how I feel right now.  I love you friend.
• Okokok here I go testing for the drop… cap that is… 

¡in person- and I hope you have a good weekend… it’s not February, but in the meantime- there may be a surprise waiting for you in your email!