The metro stops are hard for me to deal with... someone who doesn’t look like someone without a home or of the ‘indigent’ status like I am getting a citation... like, at least in San Ho when they got on the rail they checked everyone.... a dude that makes probably half a million per year got a ticket... I was like damn.... same thing in SF. Ugh, as if life isn’t hard enough for that person already just go ahead write that person a citation or ticket... I’m sure that’s a realistic expectation that our wonderful government has of its people. To be able to pay that kind of ticket. A speeding ticket that costs $350 divided by minimum wage is how many hours, and then the insurance premium increase and then spousal or parental relationship strain.... omg! ... I mean the dude just asked this man what day it was- then wanna ask him if he’s under the influence of any drugs or alcohol... the dude doesn’t look like he has a phone, and where can one charge their phone these days, and also.... how is he supposed to know what day it is if not... like... be kind.
And why isn’t it that all states require emissions testing? Like- I get the states are the states... but like, it doesn’t make sense... like why wouldn’t all states be doing this? Are they? It’s just silly. And interlock devices- omg when I finally get a car... haha or SUV, or Bentayga, or Range, or Kia or whatever...like I’m not trying to be picky.., just saying- I know that I’ll have my moments of it’s been awhile ya know... so like not only do I think an interlock device is wise just for my own personal accountability but also you get a deduction on your auto insurance. I dunno... it seems silly but I think it’s brilliant... I just dunno if those are all over like they should be.... what I remember for some of my friends was that they had to do testing like all the time... like, how is one supposed to keep a job doing some of these things... like ok so you made a mistake and had one to many of the like two you’re able to have a woman and the three you’re able to have as man.... so you’re now required to do testing every week when your number pops up, have to do so or else the judge may remand you from court and put your ass in jail.... holding someone without bail or in a scenario where they are unable to pay the minimum or whatever it is coercion... I do hope people take that and run with it. I mean I’m terrified to go to court... like I’m terrified. But I mean I have to. Right? Like I have to. But it’s scary, my public defender promised that they wouldn’t remand me from court but like I said I’m trying to go to the dentist just in case... cause last time they arrested me in the park when I was sleeping and then didn’t let me out for like four months. It sucked. Like, all that shit that I have in the works.... a semi stable place to stay, my volunteer commitments, my social life (ha!), what else could there be?, um my benefits, health insurance... like all that stops... even if someone is on ssi/ssdi or social security (I think all those are different) that all stops when you go to jail or even get arrested. I mean I don’t know if it should or shouldn’t... I’m just saying it does. So like- a national standard for that would be amazing! Not only amazing- but very very human or restoring faith in the American humanity. It’s not all equal... the inequalities from state to state... did I mention there are still ‘dry’ counties? Like counties that don’t sell etoh. It’s crazy- why wouldn’t a county sell alcohol? I dunno. Kinda weird, right? I don’t even know why in some places they limit the sale from like 2am-6am, or not selling it on Sundays. I don’t know I know- I’m not attacking or saying that things should be changed as it pertains to alcohol but holy moly the shit is real for the criminal justice system. Like- I can’t even fathom the crap that individuals go through.... my struggle is so small compared to some people’s. As big as mine is... the beauty of it all is that no offense, I’ve been the only kid of difference at a school... or one of the only kids of difference... and then whatever. Who cares... the point is once again I don’t feel bad... but I am concerned that the fucking opportunity I had coming from a town so small we only had a four way stop sign at the main intersection.... like no no... not a traffic signal... but a literal stop sign times four and guess how you decide who goes... the person who arrives first... or I think it was the person to the left goes first. Like, that doesn’t really have a global effect/affect. I’d say until you factor in the emissions testing and then I guess your fucked. Or maybe not... like even there the gap between rich and poor was staggering in a way. I’ve said that I had no idea there would be people in my own town didn’t have running water... until I had an amazing teacher that made a wrong turn on a bus route when she was driving for my regularly scheduled bus or yellow cheese wagon driver. I’m just saying, that’s just how honesty ignorant some people are of the world we live in. They refill their gas tanks at the same time on Thursday, which is also when they are to suck off the neighbors dick at the tanning salon... ha no! But anyways (I had to/have to let you know it’s me or else one might question the lack of cussing or vulgarity as its provocative and gets people going...) their gas light comes on at the same place on the freeway every Thursday or whatever schedule only to have that type of routine because that’s what makes them happy or that’s what they are ok with... or else they would do something different right? No. That person could be broke as hell, or just sad because their family member is in jail or prison or if it’s not that big of a deal then yes the hell it is! I’m telling you once or twice if not this is the fifth time I’m saying that our actions have a global effect/affect. It’s obscene and nasty- that things are the way they are. All this combined with like those guns that took lives of our family, or foreign neighbors... like they had to come from the states? Correct? I mean I don’t know if that type of information has been released or not I’m just assuming that it’s the case. And that crap we’re writing about foreign leaders alike is not ok... is referring to the prime minister of Canada as Justin Traudea the same as referring to him as Prime minister or in the proper manner you should in published or written form a get out of jail free card for the person who wrote it when if not referred to in the proper manner I can straight up write lies about him? No I don’t think so... I think until you consider everything that’s going on.... especially like is a latex condom biodegradable. And me, behalf of me myself and I want to know why someone from certain organizations wouldn’t take on lamb skin condoms v or vs throwing paint on someone’s fur coat. Like- I get it, I love the passion, or the umph behind that... but in my mind that could just be a get out of jail free card cause no no we not beefin it cause she slept with my mans man... but I’m with ‘such and such.’ I dunno. But home girl isn’t even going to go to prison. No offense she’ll sit for however many days in Delano or whatever reception place females go to and let’s be honest that’s not even enough time for her to get store or decent shampoo or deodorant. But lemme tell you... the water is foul.... and no, they don’t have floss. I mean, if you do get store and someone does put peg on your books then yay! You can get those rubber band things... or if not then you can pull the string out of a sheet/ the tread of a sheet and then that’s defacing jail property and girl the way they are sticking it to you- isn’t gonna get any of those people elected to office or appointed anywhere... cause they clearly are way tooooooo out of touch with the big picture. Like, unless you have record or something? Which you might? But damn, like how much does that go on... and is that the pressure that still exists after I’ve already been like... what the hell- SAT.... a standardized test that measures only your ability to comprehend or study for that particular test not actual factual information? Seems pretty stupid as high school is stupid enough and hard enough... clearly all the real learning is like... I dunno my head hurts now and like prison? No offense I beat the hell out of three ‘officers’ and am not/didn’t go to prison. And I only say that because.... no I didn’t know they were cops/officers, and no they didn’t identify themselves as such, and yes I thought/ still believe I was fighting for my life, and all because I have these stories to share and experience and I’m not trippin when I say that... yes, I’ve created little family units my whole life and I’m terrified that someone saying civil rights aren’t always civil terrifies me... and I’ll be shocked if we don’t make it through this together cause that’s not what I know to be. Like, what I know to be is real people making real decisions that make the lives of real people better. I don’t know the ideas of public policy that speaks to one group of people only combating segregation or disparities or inequalities having a true and proper premise to them as.... I don’t think that makes sense... and regardless of what who or where it says what it says... ain’t no way.... like, I don’t get it... truly though that’s not my place... all I’m validating is the feeling and my personal feeling that shit ain’t equal, ah it ain’t available to everyone, and shit needs to change. I don’t know who what when where or how but I guarantee you it involves money, the spending of such.... and like holding up the federal funds and all that is only going to strengthen the idea that once again you’re worrying about shit that doesn’t pertain to you when right now you need to be taking care of your people and these issues and maybe it will change or impact those in which you ought not be concerned about.... see, already I’m going around and about when... like you I should be worrying about my home front.... but, as my home front is at a dead end.... like- I’m educated, a person, smart, dumb in all the right places one can’t be good or awesome in all ways.... cause that would be just.... like, I have no where to go as it pertains work or income or social life or anything... it would be so easy for me to do what I did over the weekend and kind of just be sad. Like, that’s ok.... it happens. I’m not living in it, I’m not dwelling in it.... but I am communicating it. Which is... not the sadness, but like the dead end that I’m at with no round about.... or DuPont circle of situations.... and yes, I’ve been there/driven through there as a high schooler on a charter bus the same time the Pope John Paul II has passed as my 35mm pictures or real film... or maybe I had a digital camera but I don’t think so.... the flags are all at half mass to show respect.... in the same manner can I as a respectable respecting and respect showing person say, can you please respect the person.... like the person who you want to judge or are judging.... such as the person with out a home, can you just respect that he or she is a person and go from there. Like the people in the border camps... those are not only people but individual persons.... like a person. You’re a public servant even if you’re the President of the United States... if that’s hard to swallow.... I’m sure there is water around to wash it down... for some people in our country or in the states that’s not readily available even if there was a store within walking distance or even in driving distance. This is the people or persons you should have in mind as they probably go to work and pay taxes and file taxes. I’m sad that I put myself in situations that make it so I’m awkward as fuck... like crowded buses even before all this happened.... did you know that this is my first time taking the bus? My whole life never gifted me the opportunity to even have that as an option... as where I’m from and when I was there... no buses. Seriously. Besides the school ones. I’m San Jose that was the very first time and also for the rail.... same thing in LA. I mean a friend and I took the rail once to downtown.... and yes, we missed our stop/got lost but it was fun then and I wasn’t so hard on myself.... it was a different time. I’m going to try to not be so hard on myself. I don’t think I’m hard on others.... and if you think I am... then, that’s your feeling you have that I’m not responsible for... but, the self concern for how I feel about you is more so.... how you feel about you... I’m just trying to help you focus your efforts.... do people know that charitable contributions are tax write offs? And I’m not hating on St. Judes research hospitals.... but I have never seen one nor do I know anyone who has worked there... but I see the commercials on TV and I’m sure they are real.... but I can’t help but wonder... is that the government trying to get some of their coin back? I dunno... I still wrote all weekend and before... I just like I said got to into the people in the stories I’m telling or sharing or the faces of people I saw in jail that aren’t alive anymore, or the people on the streets that I know are still there and hurting, or the families I saw living on train tracks without a government or resources to help them when they need it most.... so, when I write or when I seem a little dramatic.... just know that the memory recall and then memory to words in the blog your reading take a toll on me.... it’s not just out of the goodness of my heart or self preservation that I do this... it’s so I can live with myself. It’s so I can sleep at night- and I still have my own shit to deal with. Like, for real. And then the mess I guess that’s still following me... that’s not even mine. Like, once I come into contact with you... or once we know each other... I will always be like, just as fond of you as the day we haven’t talked since... so don’t trip when I try to pick up right where we left off. But, with that said.... I care just as much as I did then as I do now. ;)
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