Sunday!

So did you know that...

• Depot antiretrovirals are I don't know... but I've heard and I'm like- they are doing there jobs in other in other countries and still leaving us behind.  I don't know how hiv/aids has affected/effected them.  I would love to know but if I told you that even da/the/tha(the) one person they trust with that info wasn't... like I'm sure they may share with other countries but at the same time I doubt it's even known through research. Lemme tell you what I know.  I don't know that everyone even cares about this but I do. If they don't have that in other countries and this is something we are doing then... I won't want it or consent to it and then they will put you in jail or hold you down or something terrible as the government of the USA. Cause I literally have not been on my melds since jail for 30 days for crossing where you can cross- oh now that I think about it Ip'm not sure they listed the street correctly or even what street they listed it as? Funny how I just thought about that... so now officers in addition to the body cams that may or may not always be on now need gps locators and the street cams may or may not have been on or available and no I never saw any footage or got the discovery-my pad did but then here we are.   Fuck I could have been murdered before jury trial and that's a fucking fact.  Cause just because you get emails from these people doesn't mean they are actually from them. It's not like I'm emailing them from an app or some something that secures it on my side. But I don't know what the public defenders office is like here so Ms. Rao may have been fired or something or I may be the first one to bring this up but glad I'm doing it in a blog and all first because they may want to kill me again for the bullshit work around. Just like I'm not signing into my iTunes/iCloud account even here at the library I'm at where you can check them out because I ain't about to open my shit up like that.... and I don't know what I know about capabilities but someone that's genuinely concerned and cares told me to not keep a pattern or do the same thing or sleep in the same places or go to the same places, etc (etc- et cetera...like things that kinda apply to those things in that group of words....).  It made me feel like Osama bin Laden- like me at my worst in the states (what people from other countries call the United States of America. I've forgotten, but the word is real big- some people don't know that and I'm not sure that's in our media anymore.  Like sister act, the pelican brief,something about Space Jam, it all is not what filtered internet like what is at the library provides. So in my situation I feel like I'm running around from cave to cave and I am indeed deign treated as if I'm doing something wrong or worse- I think it's a dead end reality bullshit that people put their kids in or something to teach them a lesson just cause that shouldn't exist but hey- being banned, suspended, etc from anything at a library shouldn't happen let me tell ya some places don't have libraries yet and the ones that just got theirs may already have architecture and building planning to make water and bathrooms available but not the internet and books or up to date technology.  No I'm not taking about apple specifically, cause theirs can get behind.  So some of the government or things ive needed to fill out aren't able to be completed. They want you to go to the place- well when I could I couldn't and then I went back to the library and tried and it's usually in my case the submit button that is the issue. It's like even if you can save your info as you work (no I don't want to 'maya Angelou' go to the place and go through someone or have to have them have the opportunity to not do what they are supposed to do or what they think they ought to do or are entitled to do or prevent someone from getting food stamps when they need it... I was going to say a bad word where I put Dr. Angelou's name.... even if you can save your info as you work I think it's a safely and security thing as a entity or system check that it's unable to be submitted as the virtual tech world is updating. Don't play like there are times when that applies to everyone and in my case I think it's a little of both. There is specificity available to keep- so I worked at the Cheesecake Factory. They have there tables and serves and all on a pos system or something like that which is point of sale but anyways you take the names and then have others marking tables being cleaned, maybe getting close, cleaned and then others seating people and then managers and a system estimating wait times and then a kitchen making actual food as people order it though some prep- I don't know, all I know is mmmmm mmmmm good. But I'll be honest I needed the library way before I wanted to go to it- you are my family.  No i don't know what this sounds like to someone listening to it that can't read or what it's like to read it and not know me or that everything I've said hasn't been said or that if- I thought sjsu had a nursing program? I dunno- but I know that when I was in school- I was taught about how to not plagiarize which is copy the work or idea or someone else's and in my case to summarize or write about others gets complicated. It really does. Like it really does- so at the Martin Luther king, jr/ in San Jose, California I had copy and paste issues and would be typing away or working up is this being mirrored somewhere? If so that's why businesses need something apple for conferencing and all because.....because.... there is so much you don't know about me. But, I don't know... I know what I had and how much and how hard it is to do anything like what ive done or that it's any excuse.  I missed you so much and didn't even realize it- I mean I did.  But then I don't know what happened. I wish I could know that if what I'm picturing in my head is possible but the picture is as important as just the making sure you're ok as a person. Like, my future with my friend is the future of me as a if you think the world is kind.  It's not. People are mean to people- the media I've read puts my friend in who knows where.... some of these people like my mama rose and mama oya- I'm not sure they are citizens. Or sure it couldn't be over turned or if even daca applies to them who have worked in the states for long enough to retire and be old and have taken me to breakfast in LA. My mother can't stand that.  She like hated it with the fire of why making sure he is ok is before anything to do with her. Cause if I told you she brought my dad, my grand dad, and drama and evil to LA on her second trip and recoded me and tried to pick a fight or whatever I don't have a clue what they would do to him.  It's a thing of stop officers from...taking not a thing of question when not a person I know, like a mom who called the law or the police to help her and... that could be any story. It gets confusing. Because I don't know... what you think I'm not tryi to protect everyone.... including those that don't want to... I mean weren't you sec of state when there was a bomb threat at my middle school? And or was it just a quoinckidinc that my protective father doesn't play period or that it was a... I don't know.  But then that was 7th grade and I was sitting in ms current English class in da old middle school and that was by the rock high school or whatever.  If they don't know that's cool. I figured it out. Mark is a normal extraordinary just like me. Doesn't mean he hasn't suffered from the bullshit of me owing him money or the lies I told, the extra bullshit or his own bullshit or the also association from not being in the know about me, or that my trusted mother and father and grand father wouldn't be people I wouldn't hold accountable for, tell me them going to or by his home in LA at any point in time for any reason is ok or not something they would or wouldn't do.  Or even whatever else.  Then I watched Barbra Walters, Condi Noni?, didn't come on master class until before that like by a year or so.  Do you know when I watched and put the time line together for me or if you're still trying to figure out what I do and don't know morris (a nursing cert school instructor) can tell you about me at a nursing home and I knew it them- hold on. Separate story, don't even know the name but I know I know I think I know I know that I don't know.  See I go back and forth cause my mama told me- all the crap.  Like, no I cleaned out loved ones houses when they died, or that my dad took half her retirement, or that I wasn't there to have her not the one to walk in on a mess after I had moved out and gone to college and began my own life in a way or that when I say I didn't have money or that children should be... like I was in college and my parents had said that they would help me with 900 a month in rent or something.... well yes, that's solid money right? Well then it would be late, my roomie would get pissed naturally, and my mom would say 'I don't owe you anything' when I would say but mom, I owe him and you owe me, or something like that.... as a freshman in college taking cadaver dissection anatomy where they as a legit hard as fuck lab class which was 10-20% of my grade with 80% from a book or didactic or whatever- have a body, a human, a person, who had died laying in a morgue essentially as a this is their body for science and learning- anyways stick a pin ever so gently into a muscle like the trapizious and say inner action- so you had to know it, plus the nerve that controlled that muscle.  Or is innervation the blood flow because I had to know that to, the fossa is a hole for those nerves to go through somewhere it something.  And working at Cheesecake Factory and still wanted to go and do like Belize on medical missions, or I mean I had worked at a&of all that summer had another job and then a family member in the hospital and was trying to make time for everyone to shower and be present and I did pretty well.  Not sure my roomie feels the same way but fuck.  That was 19-20.  And I'm done. This isn't fair. No one needs to know this until I make sure he is ok.  I mean, it was all coming- just was so nice to be able to find a friend and be. I wasn't like that ever really in my whole life.  Ever.  Until then. This is so some of the only things that.... now I could for real just be killed, or organ procured, or whatever and Shazam the problem child gets to continue to be so.  Now my mom can have attention or everyone can blah blah blah.... but these stories or ever said hello to someone and their phone go off as a google alert or something as a voice recognition thing they might not have even known was activated or not?  I dunno if that's true but I know.... is done. I'm going to- see told ya. I know nothing cause I know nothing... I can still post this online on my blog and then... I don't know. Tell me about my neighbors hearing me scream bloody murder ouch that hurts on a couch as a 4-5th grader and the four bruises across my right, my right maybe your left , or if you don't have a.... I mean ever been bitched at about your charting with a nurse who is looking at that instead of the rest of neuro and you being and now cv, amputated right leg, anyways, that's not really the order.... all I'm saying is that yes, you can only see one screen at once? Or was my mom just over the gay or fag music? Anyways, right leg had 3-4 bruises.  He and I are friends, and no one gets it.  They may not as in a- don't wanna hear it.  But I'll not give that a- why did someone tell me my dad married up when he married my mom? Or how funny Is it that when I was about to ride the four wheeler one day I asked to be jacked off and not jumped off cause I literally couldn't remember the work. Like you jack a car up with a car jack right? Hell I don't know- it was a laugh though for.... them. I just laughed like, ha- they like me.  Literally, that around the space time as the god damn gold fish and the baseball park days.  Imagine me and him in a way now.  None of your business. Yes, I told him not ina way any other then guys shooting the shit I could have thought about that better but that whole... 'blah blah blah, that's my daddy' was why I never finished hope floats, or whatever else.  Then back to me just saying or adding in a convo and then asking and he might have lied or could have been having a sex change or had one.... dunno.  A friend. So there is no one first but him... if I end up calling him daddy right here in this library... it a straight gotta be first in the orgasm and wold or whatever that isn't everyone. Oh, see. Already the energy is changing or not.... but I've never done anything in a public restroom.  Or at a library.... don't know anyone who has. Just saying. So that wouldn't happen.  The sanctions on me are over.  If you can't find him- or whatever that barrier is which may be my mother.  Tell her that she can move on- I am a product of broken families. Or- I didn't wanna go then but I was there for you- I hope you got the list I typed.  But had I not left bham I would have gone when he was- I don't know what he ever was when I lived in bham.  My uncle.  He died when I was sleeping on mark's couch after the children's contract... when i found out yet another contract wasn't happening and didn't get up for awhile... didn't do anything until someone came back and that may have been one more day. Did my dad put cameras in my home? Which I bought, with my money, then had people live in after?  So he didn't hurt mark? Inner dialogue is amazing.  Mark first- not a security clearance or issue. If after that I need to... see I don't know his situation. He may know mine and that would be fine.  I'm not cut off or not associated with anyone.  An airbnb lady was a bitch on a comment about people, and ya know- sorry that showers are that hard to come by.  Literally it was toward or in a if she has security cameras inside that apt then it is an issue but it was a directed comment in a directed manner of yes, I have friends everywhere.  Mark may be from a situation like, mine, like ors, like there of when shit it the fans for anyone reguardless it's huge and even in supported situations can... be death (bicarb, kiss of death, whatever) like, he may be just like. Me, just like everyone I know who only have their shit together to be them selves or who they are.... and until then may not know how indeed shitless they are.  Like, I'm tired of sending money to California means what? Something to my dad. But anyways, it's not ok that someone like me, who protects everyone can't be who said that, not a hate crime anymore? I always said that, I don't wanna be hate crimed. And she came the first time to LA, and saw only 1% of what I had or have there. He naw she didn't, I don't even think the second time.... seriously I'm sorry I've been such an issue.  But public schools are a way for kids to be protected.  Who even if it was my bloody murder scream that stopped certain situations mark hasn't or won't ever hear it and I could see someone running with that but I should have never left....he might and if so won't matter to anyone. If it is or isn't I don't know.  But, in a way of it wouldn't matter if it did is so true in future relationships for me.... I don't want to be the head of house hold. However, should a bloody murder scream stop someone, it might not the second time.  I don't know that ever happened more then once, but he wasn't drunk , or whatever.  All I'm saying is that it's hard period.  What if, don't trip like I'm not ok with saying yes as a normal fucked up person I like things that others like also.  Not ok ever for in a intent to actually harm. CSI is real, those stories aren't make believe if anything we didn't do the world enough justice in the.... evil that is it.  Dignity on wheels is. A great example....  a kiddo who is locked in a closet by someone without access to a hospital in the birthing process could live with a hate and evil that is a glass of water every ten days as a high for the person with the water.  Do better, our government sucks.  Cause that same glass of water holding individual is also victimizing me and mark.  Blue tooth is battery pricey.... as in a it's my parents not him.... he may be in on it now or needs to be brought up to speed or it may be us together but he can have this on his end also and not tell me.... but the vta light rail makes me think of never land ranch... it's too perfect in a way.  All I'm saying is that the police and basic bitches are no match for love of a person and people... I'm running with this but he might be running from her or them in a way- communication would have helped and it would still keep my stories dark to some cause I guess if it can't happen for me now then they aren't going to ever change and I'll be in a library again tomorrow or not if literally I need a chest tube again or something. And i can hold the disability paperwork on a green sheet from where ever about how to fill out the paperwork that was in my property from sjsu and some of the tottery tickets have the bar codes missing and werent all stored properly and are a huge issue for me... and yes, i have to hold that paper four finger widths from my face without glasses to be able to see it or read the words....