Monday, March 6, 2017

Once again- don't feel safe, so posting and going for a walk- and that's been my life for the last 40 weeks- thank you SSC for the term!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/justin-timberlake-speech-iheartradio-music-awards_us_58bcb749e4b05cf0f40153a0

Who knew? Duh!




He was on the first season of Masterclass also- 

Yes, it means that much and its a testament to why acquiring the means to do it your way have meant so much to any one who's anybody.....and I'm trying-

Someone said of reality TV stars... claim to fame... or whatever... that you do this and marry oh blah blah and then do this and oh wait, here's (here is) (you'll get it in a minute) the key to this or a deal for that....
Unless.... no you couldn't be...

No No- those statements alone were paved by someone who I thought was lying when she said it was so cold that your eye lashes would freeze when she walked to an audition (in the south it was up hill both ways though- hah if it was still snowing you bet your ass it was... stair masters didn't just come out of thin air!) - No effing way is that possible?! Well now no its not- and odds are its because just like then and you aren't now, she walked those streets and wrote or paid for or was taxed her asshole out and now they have tons of those building 'bridge' connections so your ass can not have to do what i did and stay warm on you little stroll....  but i don't know if that's true or not but she wasn't then and she is now and... then she had to go and get her own network to still not tell the story herself but others.... and a little of hers and theirs....

And I made fun of someone being on the cover of their magazine and now i get it- its hers! and i will spill these beans just to apologize for doing so out loud.... So yes, she does sign her own checks because.... whatever got anyone anywhere is nothing short of The American Dream and being able to communicate with those in charge- one way or another.... the system just gotta check and balance and be researched and developed and then build on springs so all that hard work survives an earthquake or Katrina- or and then you've got my 9-11-2001 reference when you keep going.


 
Oh Thank you- let me go lay all my shit out on the figurative table of togetherness so you can try your hardest and I’m not hating on you for the gesture- but show me my uplift pass that I've applied for/filled out the paperwork twice, months apart at the Salvation Army and re-entry center/valley med and I’ll show you tears of (shit doesn’t exist!) but my tears will- because…

These things do exist- but not for me.  

I am not mad- until someone judges me for my past who doesn’t have a need to know… like people with a psych history- how much did Obamacare open up? Because to say you're going to 5150 someone- then for that someone to- lets face it that's where it all crashes because there is a possibility I can... 'oh wait, now you and your bravdo take over and so 'there's a point to make.- that you're going to do it anyways- but guess what- now you are part of the problem, hender-ance, and abusing your this and my that....' you, or for you to say you're going to do something or anything as a… see lemme stop here- WTF- Where they from? Not here- so if you can or do know what it’s like to be in a room full or in a situation where you feel like no one would help, or felt like if they did they would be ‘delt with’ you’ve got me in Alabama (or the king library before, that day for sure, and now like whoa!) with two friends, like six officers, and a female front desk attendant at a hotel who was afraid to let me use the phone after my phone died.  Afraid why? Because she was scared (AND YES, THEY ALL WERE WHITE AND WE WERE TO AND SHE WAS AFRICAN AMERICAN... and this is present day... I get it.  Fighting your own battles is so important... but factor in that she may or may  not like gay's and we all three were and are and you've got 'a reason it wasn't, won't be, and should be anyone's fight but it is and will always be across the board 'hate.'  WHICH IS WHY I'M NOT REPORTING THE MUGGING THAT HAS RUINED THE EYE SIGHT IN MY RIGHT EYE WHEN YOUR BOXING ASS PUNCHED ME WHILE YOUR FRIEND WAS NOT CROSSING THE STREET- THAT'S HOW NAIVE I AM... HE WAS LOOKING TO MAKE SURE A CAR WASN'T COMING SO YOU COULD HIT ME WHILE I WASN'T LOOKING AT YOU.... BUT OH WAIT I WAS LOOKING TO MAKE SURE HE DIDN'T GET HIT by the car that- it shows right there you weren't familiar with the area in LA we were in because ain't ner one car coming... at that time of night on that street but when the lights change (maybe)... ! THEN I WAS THE BITCH HIT! BUT, I will be asked to identify you and I REFUSE to label you as african american- that's what you were to me, both of you, males.... but I can tell this to and have to many people and said 'guys,' and that right there justifies you being a fake and coward and I may be from Alabama but that can mean so much more then you can even think about, prepare for, or comp-rehend.....( cause some have asked if they were black or not asked at all- and the diversity of ones told who made that statement means.... )- not just for me and them but for herself.  And now, me.  At the most beautiful library inside and out… it’s a trap! Literally- and disguising because there are certain places that ought to be safe.  Library 100% always-especially with The full name of Dr. King- even now I’m respectful of the weight it holds because of being gay.  The safety thing is something to be address by them- me writing and using the Name and Legacy in my blog is something I don’t have permission to do- a the end of the day I know in my heart the support I have- but when you’re homosexual…. It changes everything.  I will never put myself in a position to loose the support of ‘my courage.’ Especially when you think about- oh wait, they still fighting theirs! Duh!   

Odds are I think I actually turned to face you... in previous storytelling's and recantments I've said i heard a noise- but I take that back and say.... I was sketched the fuck out and even walked and walked because.... you got tired of following didn't you? Double or nothing it would have been a different story had I not known or had a sense of something being up...So- lucky for you, i turned because someone who cares about me taught me if there is something or a distraction that's not right in a direction- turn quick and... you connected all right so what a bitch for hitting me in the back of the head... I fought for my life and went with my gut/instinct, and...

But, hate on me and they will hate on others also...

I have done so- and won or lost…  lets just say I'm not loosing anymore.
Just like- I’m done trying and nothing happening- I get excited and feel like I’m going to be able to get on the bus (I have LA bus tokens in my bag in LA- why are they so hard to get here?  And if you say… anything I hope you can back it up.  Because things like that have kept me from ‘getting my shit together.’  Or from going to one o f the HomeFirst shelters- I went once, then slept outside two nights because it wasn’t open.  And no, I don’t have a phone to call- would an update on your website be too much to ask?
Charity is Charity until there is government funding and someone footing the bill- and those that have been in the same situation for 10 years!? Are you fucking kidding- I’m not and they said it so I believe it.
What kills me is that I'm in California- in the tech capitol of the world- Silicon Valley! Where an architects house on HGTV goes for entirely- hey I’m not hating on your right to obtain said house because you appreciate it and that’s what you want… but I also ain't mad that you’re successful and can pay cash for it and also- unlike Oprah there is a box on the tax form or the computer can computate that amount and its more then ‘in my mind actual or not please don’t prove it wrong’ because- If you told me I had to pay $400,000K in taxes- I don’t give a eff/fuck/damn/chicken wing who you are- before I do so I’m gonna be governor or President or Have a friend that will to see all this Shit.  They might very well pay $200 for a toilet seat- the government… not a billionaire.
And that’s soooooo the truth- I’m in a place with liability out the asshole- because they worried about me and getting a free ride before they do or weren’t or whatever the fuck

AND NOT THE LEGIT ASSHOLE WITH MY UPLIFT PASS!  Or the randoms that have whatever doing whatever-
This is the capitol of the world and me being gay or white or sassy or- anything other then whats keeping you from doing your job or keeping me in this situation is- that thank God wealth and poverty go hand  in hand because this is already happening and been done…. But wait- I’m still here and stuck and the outlier is me by nature but the legit person with the person to vouch for them…
If every time I got the ‘umph’ to do ‘whatever’- I haven’t had a shower in God knows how long- including while in jail! The shower is right there? Wtf is your problem? And not to mention the showers on the mobile thing- phenomenal idea! Seriously! And thank you! But a 5 minute shower… did I use it, bet your ass.  Did I have clean clothes to put on after? No, and not your problem because the asshole is the dude that got it and my old EBT card, my license, my clothes and food provided to my by Sacred Heart.  You know what- go get you re own you hating hater- or at least talk to me cause guess what….. I made an A in community clinicals and it was one of the hardest grades I’ve 3ever worked for- I had to teach elder in a retirement home about STD’s…. yes! And no I didn’t go to the tent city where I’m from but when I started college I sure lived blocks away the entire time I drove to and from anywhere- so sign up, your name is more funding…. If it wasn't for the corruption I've experienced here  I would take this there- because I know what its like to be from wealth and cut off completely- for nothing other then being gay.  Well, I thought I did- I don’t.  And guess why? There are no resources like the ones abused here…
And I’m not taking this home until I can or when I can own it- and I mean the UAB way… one in the same-
There are children that are hurting here- and projects that go over seas to make them smile.  There are elderly with more wisdom that will be lost because you needed another- no you don’t- you have four people in your family. Here what we have- not enough? Good thing you took it from someone who got theirs and now don’t. 
Just like I did in school- I wrote the Ambassador of Latvia.  Did you know there was a country? Me either, until someone who gave me more demerits then I've ever had in my life because I was ‘me’ and by that I mean ‘Thank you’ because I never had to go to alternative or something other then what was in the lesion plan. 
I’m saying, I wrote the Ambassedor of Latvia- at a 7th grader from Springville, Alabama…. And guess what? They sent me more information then was google-able.  The letter- I wish I had it- because it was stamped and signed and no one but the Ambassador and said affiliations could have sent it- signed sealed and delivered.
There was a lot and I even made something that was their ‘food’ and be my home girl and learn how to say the country Niger, Africa with a straight face and you’ve got why I hate that word and why ignorant and hate were erased by a history teacher…. However, the lil wayne remix makes me want an oven mitt!
Trust- I’m going to write to my elected officials from Alabama- and yours and to the President…. Because they exist and will write back. 
I prefer writing vs emailing- though just like that project and newspaper activities-  I will consult there twitters and see what they prefer- and that’s legit.  Everyone has something preferred and with the events after 9-11- I just had to google the date! And then click a link! 9/11/2001- changed the game- and now because of that and bogging down the system it might be safer and quicker to send an email and social media- is for everyone.  The victim is our elected public servants- I'm not googling anymore- servants/service people…. The verbage is meaningful and either way.  They are elected by us, and then what- Bueller? Bueller? Instead of writing them or emailing them I didn’t think to do so until someone told me to get my shit together and didn’t wanna hear why…
Of course I’ll be honest- not registered to vote.  BAM- well show me yours and I’ll show you mine- I would have been able to because I was busy being held captive by SCC!
So- I don’t know what I’m doing but I’m sure not giving anyone else a chance to disappoint me- especially a social worker at the king library…. The damage was done by the sjsu pd.  And hey- those lottery tickets in my bag- I know them and they know me so go ahead… the good one had my name already written on them! J
And no- we don’t have a lottery and if anything- Thank God.  I think- I don’t know.  I know it paid for my friends college but have no idea what it did in the public schools here shes from. 
But either way- we've all done it- why this why that… It may just be more accessibility use twitter or instagram- worth 1000 words but not vice versa… and that pulls me to my next point…
Funny enough- I have the worst vision and most complicated eye track record in the world- and even though when I was extradited here I didn’t have them the entire time, I haven’t had them any time I've gone before a judge because I haven’t known i missed the date and I was too busy (fighting the system that isn't going to ever work for me) worried about getting my shit together to know that I miss court- oh but wait… instead of helping my and letting me ‘sometime y a vowel’ you waited and then arrested me….. and now that I spent a week in last time and serendipity has been off long enough and I've made enough people look at me for typing to fast because hey guess what – all that stuff I typed as a nurse I still type and click and then at the end have to narrate to sum it all up because that’s what I do! And am going to - my fourth 4 time before a judge in this county without my glasses! And coincidence or bullshit I don’t care- it is what it is and I'm going to do my best…. either way... the times before they were not accessible because they were in my property... now they aren't in my possession so...
And  even with the finest BCBS plan I still have paid out of pocket for glasses or contacts! Oh wait- you want both.  That's hella money and you aint even got an umbrella- so you ll have a coke.
That’s why I laugh sometimes and yes, I do have a reason because I'm 100% bored and frustrated with you and my dumb ass! Me and you and the system.
So- you have to do this… or else this is person…. Ok… well you don’t have a 800 number, I'm not wasting resources anymore, and last time I walked 3 miles and was late- because of the resources I know are there bu ti don’t have and neither do you… so where are they?
Not my job to find out- but just like in school and Latvia- they exist I just have to let them know I need them or they aren’t there or they there and someone gonna find out- but its up to me, someone who's only ever failed someone or disappointed someone was not doing this sooner I guess.  Or doing it, and not getting it whatever the reason- just like a blue blood that pays no taxes communicated with his elected officials I can and now will also- as someone who started above where I'm at now and was above that and now aint… how and why are relevant and important and will be shared… and guess what? Judge judy said if no one would lie she could get to the truth.... three meanings of the word ‘is’ and this is how deep it goes and why my communication will be what I want and so will his or hers or social or not or whatever- at least its in present tense and third person is no effing joke.... 

"It depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is. If the--if he--if 'is' means is and never has been, that is not--that is one thing. If it means there is none, that was a completely true statement....Now, if someone had asked me on that day, are you having any kind (your mama joke), that is, asked me a question in the present tense, I would have said no. And it would have been completely true."

I refuse to add names and i probably shouldn't quote that but then that would mean this blog means way to much if i worry about such but guess what- it does, it did and it shall.... to me, him, and....


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