to my senators...
From me to you...did you know in Australia they’d call you sheila’s?
- That’s what some parents don’t get in our country... because their children are being (disservice’s isn’t the word- omg if Dr. Maya Angelou left a word bank for the words to be used for when we as a grey country decide to past, present, and future our country or maybe that’s the new political party color that’s a testament to past, present, future and to go into which ever ‘fect it is that means ‘Oh, Oh, Ohhh, oh, ohhh Now!’ that would be bananas perfect! If not, it’s perfect... but I do so feel like some are so effing ready or prepared for like the day when it’s over! Like, for people at a meeting to get up there as people or families of police and for the other side not to have a voice or be able to say what the other side is going through then it’s like the dude that can’t scratch his nose in handcuffs with one arm... I’m not comparing or saying that one side is that way or associating but I am stating the unfairness of the world... like, these families these people have had it hard enough (I’m trying not to be put in a potion to be
- Sorry about that, I tend to digress... sometimes I wish person was both single and pleural. For a deer can never be lonely... I don’t know... seems like one has to prove the other and they wanna act like they don’t know how. Like, you can or at some point in time you could only caught two trout. Like oh this fishing trip three weeks! The other dude like oh my soul two a day and I’m glad have a freezer cause these are small! I’m thick... like, where’s Taco Bell?! So they... ‘dude, re you talking about or referencing your small hole? Again... bro you don’t have to try and talk me into, technically you had to talk me out of it this morning and it wasn’t until you peed twice and finally turned your head towards me and we had used the last mentos... you don’t need a tic tac you needed the whole dang pac!’ I was like ‘yeah make fun of the sonic care homeless person, people like to drugs they teeth dramatically and manual around me, meanwhile you used the spare head I had and then had the pre-instertion nerve, poor straight dude.... you thought I was lying so may as well make the joke anyways and all.... what was I ugh... oh yeah... then tried turning the locked knob thinking it was a vibrator after i let you go first! That’s the government... thought you were getting screwed again... ‘ ok ok... but I’m for real though, two things before bed... look at your hole, don’t brush it!! I mean, it’s not mine so I wouldn’t write legislation that was open or closed in that regard but oh my gah after a year... after all this... I bought four parishables and consumed then... and I don’t live that life no more but tomorrow I have to... no money. And may I just say, I’m affronted... I am not able to do that money thing with the envelopes as I had to chose between saving the percentage or purchase the small envelope Nd fold the bill in half! Ha! As if! I had to get another bus pass sent- the lady over email gave me the impression she had waiting on my email this whole time.... it’s personal so if I’m personalizing this I received emails from two sources who didn’t know each other, and then gave two different answers as in a oh yeah sending it now we were waiting this whole time... and a new card from ‘plastic cards are us’ will take ‘that ordinance missed that one’ so your patience is virtuous... I know... I’m like over $40 last month, and this month even that’s all gone! It’s a real world problem, and a real world suffer of so many, that’s pathetic. It truly is. I’m hurt. I don’t want to raise kids in this world, and this country... what if despite everything they grow up to be racist because of an event, what if they grown up to be straight.... what if here’s my hole truth of white privilege and the absolute of them growing up. I need a president that not only gets that (not saying we haven’t had one et al as I’ve said within 0.1 seconds like I would if he asked if I love him, do you miss President Obama... everyday.) but one that is in office when the pipeline is blue.
- It may not matter but like if the president and the legislative branch don’t talk which I was informed by a DA they don’t referencing something that took a very long time as I was realizing the two CO’s that brought me piv, gown, eye patch and all were not there and thinking I’ma have to fight for my grippy socks I have on as they’re gonna put me back in the holding cell and they didn’t know and I don’t have a buddy for the day and last time and he was still talking... paid per word and clearly doesn’t trust the mic system v court reporter... the judge was enjoying a nice morning blowjob... I remember sex is a felony in jail and wondered if could hole my way into not going into the holding sale cause what if they want my iv? I mean, it was a true iv.... see all of that, those steps. Or those variables. Ok, here go one co and one co- all blue! Thank you. So Ca-Ching.... none of this absolute no over a tit cause I didn’t get a tac crap. So the pipeline of discourse isn’t there. The pipeline from- god just vote blue y’all. I’m telling you I don’t see how that could be wrong and if those two women Vice President and President with a bomb ass (what? You could be ‘whatever term here but hasnt been created...’ and better! That the blue motto- he wants you to be better then he was .... fuck that was so four years ago! Like, I was the parent with the first kid (phenomenal- like Lauren Hill at the Grammys or Michael Phelps or the dude that got the hole in one at the masters and I wasn’t around for president Clinton as much as I’m sure some 5th graders eckhm get political (I swear I don’t know what I would do but if there is slander or defamation of character.... words are not to be weaponized and to do shows the threat that they are inferior and their insecurities... I’m just throwing shit out there... like, I get it in the sense of employees that work for you and then in a state where they have no supportive services or benefits and so literally food on the table, kids in college, employee parking lot has been looking good and lease or purchase I don’t know but when I say doctors are making less per year- their staff may or may not be... same for anyone else who’s name is out there... the light bill, the food bill, gmo or non-gmo, the access to grants (oh wait... ) and then diversifying your portfolio and making sure the people that rely on you and work hard for you and show up and... it’s a huge risk or gamble that I don’t know and with my credit score and record and pre and post phone calls related to being immocompromised though elevated through viral suppression and recombinant dna technology and then this other shit I just found out and I’m like... they came after me in San Jose and that was just me. Like, damn... I didn’t even know until I found out the i can’t do it we need to talk.... oh yeah, I’ve got a drone over a car with the license plate... but your in your office so... yeah double that! All of that... ok the office part and the family, and I have to be the real situation.... families and children, like I’m terrified. I’m so scared to have a family, it’s like a family is a family and the legalities have done nothing but strengthen the hate and the false belief that someone can not only have an opionion but act of it with so much hatred that... it happens so often and because of that opinion and those legalities- it’s a commonality. The hate crime gay crime crime suicide convenience factor of neighborhoods... like... it’s too much. If the laws changed quickly, if people changed more then just generation by skipped generation then it would be different but I’m so scared because of what I’ve been through to go to lunch with people. Like the day I had plans on my birthday the persons car and window and shit was stolen and broken and if one person tells me that’s not my parents and a is a coincidence I may literally do a term and I don’t mean Presidental. I would literally go bonkers. Then, the police wouldn’t let him/her/they/nunya report it. Literally, said oh we don’t ever catch these types of crimes so it’s really not worth it. Like, what’s to say... I can’t, I can’t go with the higher hierarchical human shit of that real situation. Like, ew they’ve been waiting so long, probably for the phone call, thinking they had power over the situation and and I have a strong arm of a waiting to see what they gonna do next. This is one of the most camerad cities in the world. You only think you know until where ever I go it gets warmer... I don’t know how, but I know I’m here. After a near drown in penicillin and dropping of the gun and three eye surgeries and meds stolen left and tight and numbers... it’s more then resilience and yes I’m scared and afraid and that’s not your power but my love.... for one second do you ever not think about me? Shit I don’t feel like- and but that I also may need an et al. It’s ok, you even picked a fight at graduation and then said she’d call... and here I am still believing you. Still emailing you. I know it’s pathetic... but I have to... too many times you’ve literally made my life worse at times that coincide with me not communicating with you. Oh, wow I have my ID after like 7 months and 4 tries.... oh great I’ll send you money to get back to LA, oh thanks maybe I’ll make some extra money and Star in. A gay porn.... oh ugh ha ha, I know right- I’m sure tired, dirty, and hairy is just it! Then I get kicked in the head in the bathroom and my shit taken, thrown in the trash right out side and the only thing missing was my ID. No ID, No Cash, No LA.... I know, I’m sure I looked cute digging through the trash... that’s the one time I did that. I’m making this about me... but just like a lot of other people... suffering not heard, even though I talked every persons ear off that I thought was in a position to do anything but nothing. Medical workers, hell even cops- they all new my story and maybe know, several were beyond phenomenal and god I hope if the military has any like ‘under cover’ that they aren’t being tortured or something. It can be like the wild Wild West and I dont mean in anyway way that doesn’t or does include the girl in the hole with the big ass rattlesnake. I’m serious- people when they are in these closed loops do stupid crazy inhumane and are you kidding me things to another in the name of what they think is right! I’m so serious and I get so scared... like teachers for fucks sake break up fights! Like- teachers! Will get socked up to keep students from doing something stupid and hurting one another and ruining their future before they even learned pre-algebra! Like, what because they are grown and and because??? So if a two patients got in a fight.... what? Oh just let the sick kill the sick... plus you mother fuckers if you don’t start then then guess what, can’t and can never say that you don’t start them! Just saying! And like I’ve seen you guys, a lot, like, a lot and in a frequency and amount of time- a year cummulative and in different places and for varied amounts of time... yeah in 23 hour lock down because of staffing in two man cells that man still got kicked to death and the only reason I pushed the button is I was tired of the banging and was hungry... and the food been there for a minute. Like- we don’t all go to a code. Im like- I cannot believe I’m in this cell, pituitary dumping anterior and posterior and then got a head ache from hanging! I know those women are up to the challenge and I know that, as I show sometimes, I can’t stand wasted energy or talent and I damn sure can’t stand for someone (me- and anyone) to suit you and show up and meet a dead end or a front or an uphill battle with no down hill run.... like I had to walk ten miles up hill both ways to school! Then the same shit story but it was the ice age and a republican administration... (girl I thought that was bad...) and then and then the pipeline just went blue. Like the more democratic lawmakers and leaders and legislatures and open minds that we have in these seats and in our hearts and in our daily walks cause the hills haven’t changed but earthquake insurance went up a $1000 dollars per year.... I do wonder if the research shows the more insurance the less likely or is it...? I don’t know but renters insurance and like... imagine that could be twenty four years with the same team... cause two republicans will argue just because of their egos and pride and I don’t know.... and if not they will just because of the party line and in the name of loyalty to what they don’t know... but I swear some of these histories are a 100% never not voted republican as a Republican and like 20 or 27 years and millions of bills? So those 400 from the house to the senate... where they at? He feels he’s already a majority leader so the job description is in itself?! No it’s vindictive law making and it’s in the impeachment hearing as well- ewwww lemme find out! That’s how much some like to fight but not themselves and those deployments have our buildings on hault! Like- it fucked up contracts and due dates and end dates and early completion bonuses and then hotels and vacations after and weddings and like then who gonna pay the legal feees for all this trouble and then move in dates and then I’m not ok with that and we’ll y’all renegotiated I need to be as they should and like... by now I gotta Andres the new building codes they passed and fuck now this date and this date... that was yesterday so let’s shoot for something besides our own feet... cause the foot is many bones... it takes a village to walk a mile in these flip flops and today I was straight slippin- couldn’t be trippin to save my life and that lesion was a ‘where’s my button... where’s my ive fallen and I can’t get up bottom!?? And Chelsea handler I straight up shit my pants.... my feet touched the clouds before my ass hit and the clinch was way up there out of sight for me to literally have hit a traffic light. And I do mean like your you gonda be kidding me kind. It was horrific as horrific comes- cause the bag person you see now had not established said bag yet and had to start from the bottom... literally, that’s the day I got my fdny hoodie, it still smelled like his and it brought me out of the mental shit I was in even after cleaning all that up. I don’t even know how- like, I don’t... all the restrooms in the city were being cleaned on a time zone level I was walking with not against... the after I got up I was concerned for my intraabdomjnal cardiovascular collapse... cause I was still slippin and sliding... my hip was so not having it the next day... like damn bitch take your ass to the hospital and get a bed for the night- well, that’s for sick people- I have to... I was so and am still so just a pathetic lost soul with the same goal and all of this shit a republican will nope, not that bad, he’s lying, lazy, attention seeking.... because a lot of the states those people come from have a... they haven’t even put stuff on their ballot to be voted against. If it had been or was then I swear it would be all over the news... or in talks. Or if done and not talked about then please do! Like, it’s commendable. To me it shows getting past my own self, my own issues, and if I don’t know or can’t relate then who am I to say no when there is a need. Like, I watched dr rice’s master class on YouTube today, it has here with a pic of mr trumps head and mr bush’s body and then her and is the audio and their making fun of or I don’t know... I got to hear the audio. But like, that abortion clinic being bombed in Birmingham... that nurse used to get out and speak- for ever forced to relive her face on fire and the explosion with every breathe.... a Democrat until I get my grey way... ;) will I feel like never or at least do their best to never allow us to go back there.... and not just through the penal codes and laws but through legislation and true words on a page that think of you and you and you and yes sir I know you don’t need nurturing legislation but I’m so happy you voted yes anyways or in a manner that makes it so that a struggle or hurt or suffering or need doesn’t turn into a tragedy.
- Like, it’s weird to think all this death in the celebrity world and leaders of the world world and the world we haven’t even truly even began to talk about yet.... like, it about to get really real... numbers are going to suck and I don’t know if an executive order can make measure r federal and then what if these women who crafted it want to wait, brocade they feel it’s so imperative to make sure they didn’t leave anything out and what could they have done better and like- it doesn’t get any better then that and omg is that the house of relresentives that doesn’t that and then there’s all that other paperwork and I don’t know who... but I am so gonna call people aweful names if they don’t see the pattern of leaving people behind... if we start it everywhere then it’s there and I know that if little commission here and there... and I see it... but it’s not one system yet the racism is consistent, the 25 years for a nonviolent crime? Like- I turned around and just was to ashamed and absolutely speechless- yes, he was African American and no a white man would never have gotten a sentence or deal like that and please show me that I’m wrong. I want to be wrong- I hate the numbers being literally so blatantly obvious that to argue about it... I’m sorry I don’t argue with a fool. Arguing because your upset or embarrassed- these aren’t opinions or not facts when it comes to numbers or race/ethnicity. God I can’t say it but who would I be if I didn’t but no white person is going to label themselves as black or African American because they knowww shit ain’t better, it is so un-fancied word as a sequela of just... I don’t know how they’ve survived in a way. I really don’t. And I mean that. I’m think the world itty bitty and all of that but when you think of attitude and beauty and getting out of bed everyday to face a struggle they very well may have feelings around my needing to face.... like totally swapping... white people here & African Americans here and no- the pc term is African American and is for me... until our country truly acknowledges them and I mean in an open ended not my struggle not my decisions but something kind of way.... I said the term black person or people the other day... and it was so uncomfortable... like, African American is the struggle term and for someone and people who haven’t acknowledged, spoken up about, demanded, and then approved of (god I hate that... that one day I’m going to have to vote to approve legislation andaakeing and whatever that makes it so the words on the pages can allow for us to the begin to change. Like- the faster and more legit this happens like all of a sudden, the faster more abruptly more steadfast and more heartfelt will we change. I can’t believe and I admire their none violence- they are doing their part and it’s evident in meets I’m sure. You have friends of police et al getting up there hopping and hollering and picking a fight that’s already so Awful I can’t believe that it can go on. Another day... like, politicians you should be held personally liable like a doctor or nurse. Starting when, starting whatever... don’t you hold this measure r because you’re scared. It takes courage but this is the first time and it should not fail and it should not be voted on. Like- this to me is a ‘this didnt already exist!’ And no one has, and I’m sure it’s been looked into has told me anything other then just straight up like my professor said... the police of be honest have told me so much... like, lil bitch you don’t have a clue. And I’m like, please will you tell me- please. Like I feel it, I can sense it and these aren’t bad men... then he said something about bodies. And I’m like- dead? Bodies? Like- plural? Three or four years later I’m just... being a ego centric American within its own ego centric meaning. Like only do I think the world revolves around America but I think the world within American revolves around me... and no one with a license or certification or whatever even knows the criminal justice system other then it’s broken. I’ve heard so many who’re people say it’s a broken system.... I’m like if it ain’t broke don’t fix it and then.... ummmm. Hello... ok, so here I am, saying, oh, your bed is on the oxygen line to your Ambu bag that’s your problem and then walking away... or oh, there’s a kink and walking away.... as in the capable people there they just are the type that knows what they had for supper last night or don’t look at their phone four or five times a day for the date... like, my memory brain is that of a fat kid who didn’t talk to people for awhile because I didn’t want them to get made fun of. Like, these jails and prisons if ever emptied are monuments made. I can’t believe it- but I was like in my future tripping mindset and this could be so quick because those new cells are like submarines. They can’t hear you through the wall, it’s air tight, it’s a using the radio to open b-2 kinda situation... I was so scared and the officer that took the paper out of that judges hand in San Jose... it wasn’t a paper... it was again near shanking. And I’m white and think im somebody with a blog. I called a cop an asshole for taking my pencil which I brought so I could do my sudoko I had found under my bunk but didn’t have a pencil for until someone on the bus set me up! I was like, you don’t have to be an asshole, like that’s just rude... and didn’t get my ass beat and didn’t say ‘im cute huh!’ I was legitimately thinking that I had rights and laws that were like still in effect- no. I think I said well you didn’t have to be an asshole and throw it on the ground or away or something. I was like, I’m homeless dude- seriously do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had something like this to do? I still had my glasses at the time also! All of this needs a blue pipeline. And I don’t know what that means and I’m not saying that all the candidates are good as individuals... but the political absolutes of a republican can not touch gun control. It is like a... ok heres the list see, we already established gun control see, so we can go back to old business see as see right here it’s established see. That’s just bad politicking! Now, on to new business. Literally, gun control is a right to bare arms... and that’s not changing under their party as a written statement that until the constitution is re-written on a federal level and even then will be a battle... for example voting is a right at the fucking federal level! It is an absolute. Like an absolute. It’s not my wrong belief to say that it’s perfect... because it was written prior to mass incarceration... yes it doesn’t acknowledge women or men but I don’t think it excludes them. It says citizens and the right. Or who knows where I get a copy of this constitution? Like, paperwork reduction act see, $0.25 per page at the library... my point is a Supreme Court decision said it’s a soverignty that should remain for the states to be autonomous... and I’m like- but you’re a federal Supreme Court justice... and it’s like... I don’t get it. The ones who know the situation the best are the ones behind bars... I’ve met people that are like I did it I just have to get the time down, stuff like that... but that’s my age or younger... and like, someone who’s semi accepted that this is their life and is not changing... I think I literally got up and walked to my bunk and cried a little. I was like- there is no way it’s this bad. I was like that’s some generational shit. Like, literally, and then I found out about the once to prison always to prison. If you go to prison for a nonviolent crime but like the same charge as the others... can’t stop shoplifting or boosting (though that’s the hang level term I believe... and is a mando prison sentence... or unspoken one possibly I’m not sure... this person was not scared but in shock... like, younger and gave me a bite of their spread. The first time I ever had sweet and sour in jail and omg it was good and the last time I saw this person before the ‘dkdndj roll it up!’ So many shoplifting charges (how many different charges fall under that topic I don’t know and varies county to county possibly) so then many shoplifting charges papssibly two or three-‘they usually get boobs or something heaved onto them I luckily was the one in my situation to be like ew get those the eff of me are you kidding me! Gross! Like, omg you’re trying to fight me! Seriously, like security guards with fucked up faces didn’t have those prior to... I’ve asked. And in a care and concern genuine kinda way- already in mall blarts cuffs. It’s funny until you think of the resources I need and can’t find and then an African Americans struggle being from here and having a life that until recently didn’t even know existed... how can someone say the struggle real when technically I may be the only person speaking about it. Ok, im gangbanging is mentioned here and there and lemme tell you- it’s a I can’t leave them behind or honestly if you want to disaffiliate or pc up it’s up to the cops or police and they will say no. They will turn you away. They will lock you in a cage for days like a dog and until you’ve heard these face to face recounts and this was from a person and then verified by a badge... like don’t worry about it you could get hurt but you’re annoying so yeah. I don’t know. I care so much I’m scared to write about these men because they don’t have anyone and I know that’s a little much but the world is big and the degrees of separation shrank!? Like, how is that possible and it’s because we have to come together... we have to have this or I don’t know. Like- I know her majesty, the queen could literally weep over the missing piece and all of this being one very big moment of true humanity. What we do here affects there.... and like so people will mean mug you over sitting in the handicap label seats on the metro because in their country you may get thrown off while still moving... I don’t know but I know we are like sign/notice blind... pay us more and maybe we’ll stop and read the novel of a dont and don’t sign... like some of these parks... omg! It’s like, can I get a can do list. There’s a science and psychology to it that isn’t even a part of the discussion. Laws written in Chaucer’s memorandum or at a level my PhD homie was like... hang on what? And I get it, I do. But understanding a v/q mismatch and how helium carries oxygen into the lungs as a helium lighter then air and why not to intubate as a ecls doesn’t need an airway they need oxygen and then nitric oxide may or may not help but I know that ambu being on is a.... like, that whole situation is a hell of a thing. It has wonderful outcomes to the lives it touches and that kiddos parents could be in jail or prison and they don’t say. Or could be in a gang and I am taking care of him and it hurts that yes I’m mad at my co-workers who know or whatever but that speaks to them and the... if I do my part things will get better. If I, if we hold up our end of the agreement it will get better... and Does it sound like, feel like, and is there hope? In one county, one piece, one jail or system mcj, wayside, Lynwood... if it’s only mcj they linking y’all cause that shit is actually condemned and they trying to move everyone... they already said it should in the next few months on or about for the K6-G’s or K-11’s. That was a riot and a half... gays/lgbtq’s look your fucking division and shit is spilling over into me and mine and gays are the none reproductive answer to evil! Look at the nature v nurture in my life! Truly- I don’t want kids of my actual own though try to tell me his aren’t mine and... if things are done properly it’ll be a thought in someone’s mind or head and then I normality. I’m so not gonna be labeled as idealistic or said that I work to fast. Did you know that was said about our fantastic governor of California... someone said that he works to fast... I was like... oh my god that man just called himself lazy. I do hope Governor Newsome... I mean I dunno what the reply was... maybe... oh thank you! I dunno! I can’t post this now or else someone will write it off or it willl go into this un known system I just found out about that will go into or be factored into my housing or whatever score and... so no worries... I’m going to stick to my heart and could give a fuck what this crap like that does because... people have been hurting in ways that I didn’t think were possible... and it was over time and some people don’t know any different and neither does anyone they know- and it’s like, scooters don’t go to these places, buses barely, uber and lyft? I dunno, maybe the ci’s to then make issue, no amazon prime fresh deliveries, no grocery store 2 hour delivery or the $50 first time user credit on $200 or more, no guaranteed or whatever mail option? Where they tell you the pieces of mail to be delivered, police omg aren’t probably with tasers as is a different situation blocks away! Like- body worm cameras? All this shit I’ve maybe been apart of maybe...ive been saying I’m not making a difference this whole time. Am I making the world a better place? I ask that every night... and it’s like ehhhh it’s like a cake with no icing.... or a friend that shows up saying they’re being deployed and you’re not home or are turned away... it’s like... the world is waiting and watching.... if you think this isn’t that big of deal it is. It so is... how can I just stop writing knowing people are hurting. 23 people out of the dorm I was in aren’t living anymore... 147 ish usually. I swear I’m going to do more then cry and blog... I just don’t know what when I think I’ve been labeled as a gang member thanks to either my mother or words I use... and how do I find all that out? I ask the people who put me in one... and I think it happens to everyone who goes into the system. It’s that bad. Like the only people not asking but assuming I bang are badges! After confirmation I think. Remember the alleged items and the market and the two withoerites I sensed.... they were shaking their heads no and I was like swiftly walking like? Are you talking about me??? Cause if you are a member and you steal food... that entity gets a bill and I don’t know what else. It’s legit to that level and I need to know how I can bring this up at a meeting or city council or one thing... the people are again in a jail. And they have the keys and aren’t acting appropriately. And I don’t know what to do- but I did mention it at a meeting.. I was like can I just say the word gang... and like that’s who we aren’t reaching and it’s because I don’t know how deep the resource deprivation goes but what I can imagine is nothing.... and I may never know but we will all feel better and have better lives. And then I can’t hope that my I’m sorry you’re going through this is enough for when this community as a many communities that I don’t know can actually grieve over their loved ones and their traumas. To cry is not a privilege I was ever so thankful the other night when I was like- omg. This is so real and so this bad and what if the writing and signing of measure r created a stop and think point and then crying and if I didn’t have the opportunity to cry when I lost my three relatives in three months that to this day give me strength.... would they be there to give me strength without having processed it all? I don’t know, because I’m not going to speak for this struggle. It’s like either fucking decide we’re a country or not.
- My mother has never ironed a single item of clothing in my life and either have I. I mean I hang up... but these people looked at me and I knew... I’m missing something. No I don’t have a steamer either.
- A country or not- how the eff do I get that on a ballot? And I’m the captain of the voting ship... I’m not voting until everyone can! Unless it’s this and even then...your contradictions are killing people... do your job. Shit military service and court-martials... the convolution... I dunno. I’m just saying...
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