We ain’t never getting older… ha, I wish.  Good thing I overheard someone hating on me for being skinny.  Like is that really a reason some of my friends (no, not my friends…) or family (oh, absolutely!) won’t help me and are bitter?  It’s so true- I keep saying it but your family can be crueler to you then a stranger on the street.  A stranger on the street may kill you for a dollar but for damn sure your family has a bunch of dollas laying around that could have kept you out and from that situation. 

I went to dinner at City Team here in SF again, it was phenomenal.  So good.  Respect means so much- just as a person to another.  I apologized for bringing that thug to their dinner table- of course they said it wasn’t my fault and maybe not directly but I think differently.  Hopefully she and her friends aren’t still in SF.   If they are then I guess I’ll have to handle that when it comes.  Meanwhile- everyone from my public defender to the district attorney to my entire affiliation in San Jose is aware of my situation- lets not forget those that don’t do tort law as the mental health advocacy group of Silicon Valley.  They all know.  I’m going to hold them and the Police and Sheriffs liable- as they should be…. I was in the hospital for 4 days after being attacked.  Why didn’t they come get a statement from me?  And no- they never came to Respite, I don’t have a phone because with the ‘free phone’ program you can’t use 80 South Market or general delivery as mailing addresses.  I have to tackle that issue also.  But, they could have while I was in the hospital or those weeks after.  Nothing.  Why is it so hard for them to do their jobs?  I have friends in jail because of them trumping up charges and because of their lack of representation from the district attorney’s office and the public defender’s office in San Jose- neither of whom are on Yelp… explain that to me?  I’m pissed- I was in jail for 30 days for j-walking… like they didn’t mind putting me in cuffs then but it’s too fucking difficult for the same pigs to come up in the hospital to get a statement from when… oh wait, it might have been one of them huh?  Or one of their family members or something that is that psycho that attacked me with her two friends under that bridge, was on that bus with me that night acting crazy while I was trying to get some sleep, and then was in SF a couple of nights ago when I couldn’t settle down, and then two nights ago across the dinner table from me at City Team… like she paid $2 dollars to ride the bus with me that night to almost get kicked off for acting like a fool towards me- I didn’t say anything or make the connection that night or the night I couldn’t settle down like I did the night at dinner- the gold club comment was enough.  I don’t know her name but as soon as I find or figure it out I’m posting it here.  She walks around talking about she disabled and wears an army jacket.  I don’t know what’s what other then there were some veterans at dinner that didn’t like her shit either.  I’ve found somewhere in the City to sleep that is safe I think and it’s perfect… cause you know how you can just be lucky enough to have people in your life that instantly have your back?  Well, everyone knows I’m scared of the dark… snakes are secondary…. I’ve always been scared of the dark like whoa.  Well, thankfully my guy has a place for me to sleep safely and with a hell of a night light.  He’s amazing.  Literally, what would I do without the men in my life?  I love you. 

I hate that I’m having to talk about fighting a woman off the way I am, but remember it was originally a man under the bridge that I fought off only for him to tell me he was going to get friends to come back and kill me… that’s when he returned with her and one other guy.  Oh God what if I killed one of them and that’s why she’s pissed?  I’m posting an email I sent to Mollie O this morning… it talks about some of the shit that’s happened since San Jose first came into my life a few years ago- ugh.    Toxic.  Just pure Toxic.  But to those men in my life that also want to make a move- please feel free.  I’m not damaged goods or not ready for something… I have a lot of baggage as you can tell.  But, it’s nothing I’m not over or dealing with or something I know you won’t be able to handle.  My family are like the gaslampers of the world.  A prime example of why I’m so protective of anyone and everyone.  (well, two of them in particular are just fucking bonkers)  To the point I worry about them with my niece and nephew.  Like, they will be lucky if they even meet my children or child or husband or boyfriend or partner or know anything about their existence.  Kind of like SJ that kind of energy is just effing Toxic.  I love you- thanks for the night light!  J  Here’s to the Future…

Oh and Judge Mablean Deloris Ephriam apparently works here at the SF Public Library as a security guard… she told me to sit up one day… like, outside the library and inside there is no lounging.  Mariah Carey, Me, and Ms. Diane von Furstenberg clearly have issues with this as professional slouchers- hey, to some it just comes natural to be this fabulous.  Anyways- she said there is a policy and procedure for banning or suspending people from the library.  I can’t stand it!  She said that they do not ban or suspend people for their entire lives, but didn’t say whether that was an old practice that had been changed.  It is city wide though…. So being that some people in the entire world have never left their city or town or county- can you imagine being in my position or any and being banned from the library for 90 days…  it’s literally making my want to throw up right now.  58,0000 homeless in LA per the LA times and 6,500 per SF Chronicle… think of being banned for 90 days city wide and having not even $2 for a bus ride…