Oh, word up to not having that crazy cut/copy/paste guard thing on the computers here in SF.  Makes my life so much easier- and further makes me question a city/college library in one and also that university… I mean, blackboard or whatever software does the plagiarism check… I don’t get it unless it has something to do with coding and then I say, ‘Bitch, we are in a recession or depression, or something that the light rail Milpitas and then to Mountain View to the great mail/main… Literally, shit has looked that way since I was in San Jose 18 months ago…. These buildings in SF I don’t know about…. I know I really want a home and home office on one of the highest floors facing the bay bridge with it being on your right as I look out the windows cause I will probably not leave for a while….I mean I just had to spend the night in San Jose after leaving an appointment caseu I was scared of a person coming out of nowhere with a golf club.  Considering the police and sheriffs haven’t gotten a statement from me, I was in the hospital for four days, there is a report number with it…. Yet this person has been confrontation with me o9n a vta bus, then was in SF on the streets with me, then at city team across the dinner table from me makes me so angry that even the DA’s office has contacted me about victims relief….. that’s great but that happens when I can settle this…. Literally, I didn’t have my glasses yet at the time of the attack…. But what if I killed someone she cares about?  Self-defense, etc…. it’s all secondary to me to the bullshit that is everything I’m talking.  I can’t stand it- I have a high regard for human life, like the man that I think died outside of the SF library 34 days ago…. I was lounging, had been there for like 6 minutes literally when 2 security guards went to him first, bu ti think I was their target if you know what I mean…. But, they had to call EMS ad he was not responsive…. Like it may have changed once they got there with ammonia- a psych ward thing to see if a patient is really coding or not before you literally alert the whole hospital that a human life is in need of saving…. Anyways, he died I think.  Cause 2 days later when I was lounging, flat with one of my bags/baggage behind my head, 2 guards came by, didn’t reprimand me, but asked/wanted to make sure I was ok…. I was like, omg he died didn’t he… they acted like I didn’t know or they didn’t know (please keep playing dumb to further undermine yourself, your authority, and…to me it’s not hipaa…. It further strengthens my closed system belief and keeping people out of the loop but sharing within your loop on a not need to know basis… thank goodness I’ve got The Chainsmokers and Ultra in my ears…. I answered emails, sent a few, looked for messages from my family- nothing though they don’t want to read anout themselves here…. But what am I to do… what happens or happened, what was actually, what people know, what people think they know and how that pertains to present day is a thing to discuss when they are causing harm… or being butt hurt…. (anything but hurt, it somehow is about worrying also- I just be so worried….. well continue with that while I’m out here trying to ‘be the old me’ in a world you don’t know when the new is the old and yet your own confusion is the reason for all this worry and nonsense that literally is like the hole the City of San Jose and Santa Clara County has dug for its people….)   They want to know details, yet when things change they think I’m making bad decisions- um….I need a restraining order apparently.  Tell me you weren’t walking around San Jose at times when I had asked for help replacing my glasses, yet you didn’t and the same weekend my glasses broke were one of the first times you were here….. Speechless… Cause it went on for months…. And months…. I don’t hae my debit card/didn’t in October- you know this then had identity theft and a -$3000 balance and no photo ID…. Etc.  So tell me what I do and don’t know and how it took me getting attacked, after everything else to get you to order me some glasses from Zenni that you may have been able to pick up the phone and say ‘Oh, they broke and there is a warranty’ so can I get them for free- they probably picked up the tab for shipping…. Too bad I let you order them for me when I was in hospital a year ago the first time instead of you sending me the money on paypal- and my using my paypal card….. People this is a must for college or traveling…. It’s not sketchy when someone you care about is in need and you can send money online with a credit card, debit card, or go to a store and buy a card ot load cash onto it…. The person (if not banned from from library) can log on and create a pin to get cash back, etc.   The only thing is that you need to have the card and account already set up for the above to literally happen in 30 minutes.   Not the glasses part, the money/cash part.  Also, like you see with that example- another reason why your family can do way more harm and still think they are the victums- indian givers, lack or power, control, and a need to have a problem child, a fat kid, or a success symobol, and now or soon to be a brand…. But guess what, I will still pick him first every time all the time.  Billion dollar prenup or not or whatever….. his family may need that…. It can be there in writing with the clause at the bottom saying that I wont want it if that happens and the energy of that…. Is something I can live with when you think about his family protecting themselves from their new in-laws…. Jesus.  But, I’ll give it to my kids… or something…. I can make my own way in life and starting over wll never happen again for me…. It’s not really happening now- but moving forward as one will be the next and final long ass chapter that may literally be 60 years’ worth of the happiest time I know… the years part is the maybe part….  

 

Ugh- I went to lunch at St. Anthony’s-one of the staff/volunteers replied after I thanked her- No, thank you for coming for if you didn’t then who would?  How fabulous.  Truly. 

Thankfully at a different library related to the time limits, etc… and being frustrated for not being diligent and saving my work, etc….. Hey, private attorneys, tech, etc and privacy- eh, its prized either way….. if I worked within the limits or was used to the I probably wouldn’t be here.  Seriously, I get it but just like Judge Mable said outside the library when I was informed about some of their policy and procedure for suspending and banning poieple from the library…. The next day was when the man was taken the hospital I’m still thinking about…. Anyway, thanks to the next episode…..

After being attacked and them taking my stuff, again wether it was the same people or not the first time in LA- literally it’s intentional and not nice.  It’s just something your family would do…. A long slow lock you in the closet, I can’t stand the sight of you, bruises, being chased around the house by an angry parent or caregiver, (mom I’m hungry) the reply I got…. Hi hungry, I’m linda…. Or a role your own at dinner time when your brother has already eaten with his dad and well my mom loves to just smoke and snack so…. Being mean or whatever that is has a secondary energy that is something only true evil can bring….kinda like a rape…. Its not about the sex…. My sexual assault in riverside was kinda like that- though initallu I was interested…. I was sassy and then not attracked after an insult and then they were like, oh no this person who doesn’t look like his pic’s isn’t going to say no to me/us…. Yeah, how’d that turn out for you?  I mean for me it totally sucks and is something that even when I am in a safe and secure home/space that I own in the sky in SF with the bay bridge on the right side…. The point is now at every turn I fear a person coming at me with a golf club or gun and me dying or someone innocent being hurt instead and me not being able to vote for Kim Kardashian West, tackle the library issue, tackle the corrupt .org’s, re-do the nonprofit realm of…. No- stop it.,…. Or at least in Santa Clara County…. Its bah-scusting and in  away reminds me of what a family will do sometimes…. Oh, here’s a nonprofit legal advocacy group that is literally comprised of ivy league degrees that pay above fair market value in the bay…. Hunni bye…. And guess who foots the bill?  Ryan white…. And then they don’t do anything and its been weeks and nothing…. Like this is me being a responsible consumer…..  as in…. its the same bullshit or run around a family/mine has done to me…. Just in the same city…

So I was attacked and then got my glasses after being with out them for months… my family was walking around the same city to check up on me and two close calls and then…. Opps my glasses are broken and are just a consequence of circumstance when you sleep outside and have the secondary energy of knowing something is up or whatever…. And having to deal with that, and try to get your shit together, and try to still just be human….

 

So baby pull me closer in the backseat of your rover… so you’re pissed you’re an undercover, I outed you, and you’ve been…. Shut up fool.  Hey, it’s a possibility though.  Not the chainsmokers, the .orgs I can’t stand… Hey, my mister- thanks for the night light last night.  I’m back in the city and have my normal one back.  I love you.  Mutually.  (that’s an ellen thing.)  anyone see her on a cover this month and then the hottie on golf digest?

Hey, I have a computer in LA.. just cant get to it- I bough tit myself, just literally don’t have the desire to do anything but blog about my family and their bullshit and then their willingness to literally be complete assholes… Hey, can you please help me get back to LA. (They literally told the sherriff’s, I have family that works for the sherriff and it’s a huge issue as to- need to know, etc. when someone says ‘no.’ to the help question.  No No No… so you know what happened, you even did things that were supposed to ‘help’ me but were behind the scenes or are just bitter about the things you couldn’t control which would be about the same if you could put a number value on such…so my after helping me, handle what I need to by me spending a week in jail, for starters, now going through all the inbetween…. Knowing all of it as either totally or just by what I’m telling you or the sequence of events… for you to still say no.  Damn, hi hungry.  Ugh. 


literally fucking hackers....


it's scary to think you fake billionaires don't pay taxes, give money to fake entities that don't do tort law, etc.... yet, hmmm who is gonna hurt the most in the future- you're right, not you... it's the person on the street.  It's a human life that's not your problem.  that's what I can't fucking stand... I get helping people in the ways that are whatever- but in my world all this nonprofit/I'm sure there is a limit for how much can be written off as in the Bill and Melinda Gate's Foundation.... they already get a married people right/write off and they have kids, so college reimbursed, and a nonprofit to cover taxes combined with business' to write other expenses off like company cars, lunches, dinners, etc.  Meanwhile, those tax dollars could be someone's EBT/food stamp dollars, etc.  I get it- I have no idea what I'm talking about....but one of your non-profits has really done nothing for me... in a way of I need a phone/iphone/ipad.... its a my shit kinda deal- of it's none of your business other then your nonprofit says, 'oh we don't provide that because of the free phone program.'  Ok, well thanks... but those people are telling me.... oh wait... sister and parent companies can be so much more friendly then actually humans and human family members.


I do love you.  Stop acting like it's something it's not.  Just like when I have my prison in the sky, home, office, space, etc- literally because of the two attacks and everything else... it will be home regardless.  You think I am going to let some of my family members come over?  Nope.  Not happening- it's like Mariah and her episode of cribs.... they may see it from a magazine but that energy is not coming into my/his/our home after all the ways they have lied and literally they might put some kind of dust piece drone nonsense just because that's what they've done in the past.... no no no.  So I'm saying that 'step' family members, one of my fav former co-workers and still friend who  says and believes 'liars go to hell' would literally be welcomed no matter what.... see I dunno.  I hope that if the choice is made to come to my home when my actual blood relative and your husband, my mom, etc. cafeteria here and my way.... then it's one that is consistent... cause for the afterforward, aforementioned period he's in charge and yes, I will always pic him... this would be such a real argument for me in away if he gives you the benefit of the doubt and encourages my whatever.... I dunno.... it's odd to be in a situation and circumstance where for the last ten months/time in san jose... literally, I am so thankful I've been to SF before... today I saw the fog roll in over city hall... I mean- thank God I remember sitting in the wharf watching it thinking it was so beautiful and creepy and hell it may not have even been the wharf.... my point is that everything else and the craziness is to much for it not to be deliberate.  For example- my needing eye glasses but my family not helping me- they were $40.... oh but wait- I got Christmas money, didn't order glasses, didn't go to la like I was supposed to bc I didn't have a phone and didn't feel safe and also had like 10 warrants and was like- hold up lemme be smart.... ugh.  My own family literally judging me, making me feel bad, attacking my character, telling me that I'm making bad decisions, while trying to actually figure me out? No.  It's like I think google, et al. is in on it, or it's like beyond that or something....So when I send a friend on facebook- how do I know it's actually them replying and not a person.... like how do I validate that.... I'm talking more about me and my situation then I should- but SCCVMC has an office at Sobrato, they have no reason to not be everything I say and think they are as it pertains to Good Samaritan Hospital being the designated Ebola unit for SCC when all that shit was going on and not Valley or regional?  HUH?  I don't get it... I also don't get the heparin vs lovenox while I was in the hospital- better for homeless?  better for dollas?  Better for safety?  Bloodblots?  More specifically better for patients post pneumo- thorax?  I don't know- odds are pubmed may know.... however- my feelings are after that and before that it's all a mess.  I don't think it is this bad everywhere else- if it is at least if someone who is randomly reading this as a non-participant and reader will feel some resonation. (is that a word?) 


I still haven't worked on my business plan- but damn everybody takes public transit these days- I love it.... but I have to blog about things first- I know it saved my life for some reason or anther bc some people don't believe in the power of 1.  I do.  Some people are locked in Jail cells and forced to attend programs where they watch videos that tell them they can't change things with their one grievance or complaint or issue.... well- here I am.  I told them and now I'm telling the world...  I was not permitted to attend the enneagram course or whatever else that if my family had their say in it- that might be considered which craft.... hey, Pell City Alabama and Springville are a long way from where I am now... but yet- with connections and conflicts of interest I can't prove and your all knowing cool kid attitude and.... well, you hit me with all this hate and actually caused physical harm, mental harm, and when I heard you hitting my niece I told you to stop it.  I said- with chills on my neck- stop it.  I would talk to you know who first and see if that's something she's doing or not.... I foresaw what I would have done had that been my child and not had the.... I might have walked out with my child and you to never see them again, I may have broken your jaw, shit... I tried- you argued.... who right or wrong.... it doesn't matter in a sense of.... I'm so far up the list of that was like months ago....


Ugh- I can't stand it... here come some email updates.... I'm turning 31 on the 13th.  Fuck.  That's ok- I'm blogging instead of actually handling shit- like the business plan, etc.  I'll do that- truly.... but I think my blog is kinda my business plan.  Like, I've never not been honest, or accountable or reachable... ya know.  I'll figure it out- but fir I have to put this info out there so that it's there for someone else if they need it or feel alone, ya know.  now some knd of shit is limiting the blogger document so that I can't backspace and then add more tech.... it like replaces it... I fucking hate it.  I want a loan.... or whatever.... like literally, anything will be great.... but like $5million to make this happen in 5 years is maybe not doable... but at the same time.... anything and everything is everything.  But, I will not be renting an office space or space... I will be purchasing.  Cars, I'll lease.  It's up to him by then I hope... but I'm still not someone without baggage that's literally repellent. Ugh- why do they have windows 10 behind the desk at the library yet I'm with windows 7 enterprise?  Same thing/situation at little orchard....