I have a meeting tomorrow that I’m not looking forward to. I think advocating for myself is the hardest... I will stand up for anyone else first before myself. Its not noble- it speaks to the worth I have for others over myself. (The voice of one or two of my most favorite people are in my head... or maybe just the look they would have on their face that says the same thing ;)) I still haven’t come and say in and I’ve been meaning to... but the last thing I need to do is for the... it’s like at the parades with the horses and the people that have to clean up the shit. Only I’m a polite ‘I’m cute huh’ kind of horse.... but for some reason sometimes there ends up being all this shit al over the place that I didn’t even fucking know existed. And for the record.... if the Fuck, my life that I use is being made to be different then the fuck my life app, etc it’s the same. I see where you would try to Say that... but ‘fuck, my life’ is totally different then ‘fuck my life.’
Ugh- I had a meeting today, it wasn’t as painful as I thought however it just doesn’t seem as bad when I’m actually talking about it. I just get tired of having to handle shit that shouldn’t even be going on. I was with someone who was talking about homelessness and it was a challenge cause again it doesn’t seem that bad when I’m talking about it... I mean, it was more then they could handle a little bit but that’s ok. To someone who’s never seen people in tents on the side of a freeway it’s a bit of a tear jerker. Shit let alone thinking about someone with cataracts so bad they can’t see well- so they just stay in their tent relying on the geneticists of others to bring them things they need and only leaving periodically to go to the restroom and rinse off. What’s annoying as fuck is a lot of these people, most, have health insurance! It’s baffling to me how someone who is in care can live in such a way. I read online that the senate is debating on a budget ceiling or debt ceiling and I hope truly the issue is that the wording is incorrect as in... national surplus not debt. Or leave it to conservatives to want to keep that ‘mindset a float,’ hope they have a gang of floaties on cause doggy paddling is tiring. I mean I’m a ‘liberal/for people) and damn if I wouldn’t try to throw them a life raft or one of those donuts and not even what’s that called... bribe? Or throw it conditionally on them opening their mind to... these people are drowning and if you understand one thing it has to be that what? We are only as strong as our weakest... and I’m not talking about the person in the tent surviving to thrive... but you and your turnt up nose. Yeah, it’s probably not the poverty you smell, it’s probably your upper lip, mindset, or attitude. A GLE AMG rumbled by me earlier and made my heart skip a beat. I’m tying to find an attorney. I’m trying so hard because I know my people in jail are suffering. The store/commissary/I used to call it co-misery (cause it’s like your cohort or companion in misery) is double what it ought to be. Like, that’s what someone did in San Ho- they sued the jail cause the prices were to high and now I have to find someone who is concerned with people vs they reputation to take on this issue. And god damnit I forgot to get a stamp. Can I not purchase one on my phone, take a pic of my envelop and somehow miraculously the stamp appears on my letter. Ugh. I was reading an article on homelessness and how Seattle was very progressive in the manner in which they handle housing. They couldn’t figure out how or why people from ‘impoverished’ neighborhoods didn’t want to move to like what they called ‘success neighborhoods.’ I was like, bitch if you think those people and their children and their dog or family pet would be welcomed with open arms you have another thing coming. They not only have to afford rent but might be the only renters in that area and then think about... so when I was a kiddo everyone had these trapper keepers. Y’all remember those? I like cried one time at Walmart cause all the other kids had one and I didn’t and I felt like an oddball. Literally every kid had one. Of coarse I was made to feel bad and though I was made to feel however I get at the time- I did get one trapper keeper binder. And I think I used it the next year as well. But things like that must be considered as well. How people in these 6 figure jobs don’t think of things like that I’m unsure- and if those things must be inferred vs reported by the people receiving these ‘rightful’ benefits then that’s because either they have been heard and not received in the past (as in ok lady or sir, I hear you at this meeting where it should be a safe place to advocate and speak to your situation in which I’m trying to help but I’m not really receiving your message as I’m not nor have I done anything about it...) or because it took all the ‘pride’ they had that day to even go up in the office and apply and gofur the shit they need to have re-done cause what they brought was filled out in blue ink and not black... and didn’t you read the instructions... it says black ink right here sir/madame. So I’m... doing it for them... or even for the parents. Like, there is a lot for families, though still not enough as I’m communicating. But, a single person is effed. Truly. If that isn’t apparent by how good they get it every year with taxes it definitely is in these situations. Cause I need toothpaste and mouthwash and... when and where and how am I supposed to get new unders, socks, shoes and I do need a new alarm clock cause I had one of those wind ups that I bought 23 years ago but I’ll be damned if it now needs to be replaced. I swear to everything holy if this bus driver doesn’t close the door and put this bus in motion I’m about to piss right here in the floor. And I won’t feel bad about it... actually I would. And I would just get off the bus and find some building to pee on the side of and wouldn’t feel bad about that cause there are literally no bathrooms. And ok cool, in Alabama there is a law apparently that requires all businesses to have a public restroom. But- that doesn’t mean it’s in service, in order, available, available to that person but not you, for customers only, or even in existence. (Written yesterday.... on or about... you know!)
I’m so thankful today that I am... like I just had a descent day... I mean none of my phone calls were returned and I didn’t get a delivery from amazon but you know... I woke up in a bed, with food in the cupboard- cause yes I’m one of those that wake up hungry, and a smile on my face. I’m just saying. Smile when you close your eyes, and you’ll wake up smiling... haha, yes, at 32 I still have to ask the universe to not have bad dreams and it works. ;) Trust, the onslaught of ‘oh shit, eff, my life...’ hits sometimes in 5 minutes but thats just life- sometimes it doesn’t hit me until effing 4 hours after I wake up then I’m late for this, haven’t replied to that... and no, I am not as cigarette craving as Mama O and therefore do not awoke at 6am. Just isnt in the cards... maybe, if I have someone to make breakfast for then I’ll be motivated! ;)
I’m kinda tired of the whole idea that physicians have to take orders from not a physician. Like- what the hell. But like I know and you know- sometimes it’s easier to try to work within their guidelines vs be in their shit list. I’m not trying to have my parents investigated all because I wanted to write a script for an opioid. Haha. Isn’t that cray.... but that’s how it works.
So... here’s a little about Miranda. And technically if ‘they’ don’t mirandize you and move you more then 4-5 steps or so then it’s technically either false imprisonment or kid napping. I highly recommend a continual objection if Miranda was never heard. So like in my case- Miranda was continually objected for like five, seven hour days. Isn’t this crazy. So imagine I object you’re honor as Miranda was never heard... over and over for all those hours, half hours, and minutes haha. I mean, ok so I know what’s what and thank you for the support as well, and the blanket that night I was freezing, or would have anyways. It kept me warm and dry- and I’ll never forgive myself for not doing as those more seasoned then did and fight the ‘we don’t allow linen in the library’ even though I put it back in the plastic zipper thing that it came in. Imagine me, in San downtown park, right by the dang courthouses I thought were way the hell the way up the freeway.. but the point is I was asleep over by the podium thing- by asleep I mean taking to the universe (and the city, et al) about all the none sense I was and am still facing...
Such a great way to start Friday. I do hope that even though I was an asshole and didn’t post this in time to recommend going to sleep with a smile on your face so that you would wake up with a smile on your face... and then create an energy that will motivate our .........., cause I’m serious- they pulling out something mid evil and polishing it for y’all asses and I’m not the least bit worried... because I believe in our leaders and our government and I do know that phenomenal times are ahead.
I love you.
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