Monday, January 23, 2017

Mu heart is full...

So here it goes: let’s see who I can piss off the most…

I am so thankful to the ‘stranger friend’ that let me borrow the warmest most comfortable sleeping bag I’ve ever slept in.  It was freezing- or would become so and has literally been raining for days.  Like, everything here is soaked- beyond any reasonable doubt.  I wish they would warn people not to sleep under trees- can you imagine the ground being so drenched that these giant ass trees are falling? And on people!  I read that article a few weeks ago- this one written from LA: a wedding party was taking photos and a tree so colossally huge fell over, roots and all, that several people were injured and I think one fatality!  (I cried when I thought of what chaos has gone on in the weddings I’ve been a part of, thankfully the Maid of Honor or HBIC has always umbrella’d  the brunt of it- but there is not a pink enough, puffy enough, taffeta out dress big enough to handle that.  I’ve always said I would have to go to a therapist that treated therapists, just because I think I’m that clever but damn- Christa Applegate would hopefully be there to say- look its Jesus… My snotty reply would be the audacity of hope saying ‘please just say you’re sorry and not ignorant!’  I’m thankful in my belief that everything happens for a reason.  I apologize for everything- I wish I could figure out a new phrase… a lot of times I’m apologizing only for circumstance.


My train derailed—


It was sooooo warm! And smelled like it had just been laundered- so it was just like getting into a warm bed after having just washed my sheets- and I got to only wear shorts and a shirt.  My usual commando sleep attire has been adanbdoned due to my obsession with staying hydr4ated and lack of time between eyes wide open and the opening of the flood gates.  It was so decadent that I would run to the corner, pee, and run back to my heavenly coleman cloud- and before putting my feet inside wipe them off with a napkin.  Yes, due to the warmth and zipper of the bag, lack of button on my shorts, and distance to semi-privacy there was no time for shoes or socks…HA!  People can hate on b.jean all day long for going to a public restroom barefoot- but a mama foregoing shoes and jetting to a public restroom so her kiddos aren’t subjected to an underworked overpaid assistant having to do so with an attitude is admirable… but hunni bye!  People be like, ‘OHHHH!’ and she be like, ‘GD someone finally got it!’  Can you imagine trying to keep your kids clean, wipe the seat, have everyone emptied, washed, then do what anyone does before they leave the bathroom and do a self-head to toe assessment seeing what someone will be able to make fun of you for so you can be prepared and not shocked- only to realize that…


So anyways, I need to Thank my homies down at the local eatery I frequent.  It’s convenicent and good, and I cannot be Thankful enough for a hot meal after… they serve lunch and dinner 7 days a week- and to be honest since they are their own organization I don’t know what the funding situation is there.  In addition to changing the world, figuring out why none of the fucking water fountains in my current area work- literally stealing a bottle of water is literally sometimes the option, surviving, and trying to convience myself that having a living relative that doesn’t want you in their life is indeed harder then dealing with the death of one that does- I’ll look into it.  Either way- I’ve stuck my foot in my mouth a lot- and will continue to do so all my life… but these guys aren’t trained by ‘it’s raw!’ himself, and feed hundreds per day, 7 days a week, and have to deal with assholes- who are just straight up wholehearted assholes, people with mental illness’- who are legit in themselves, lazy people, people like me….geez, and deal with the tug on their heart when they have to uphold certain rules to keep their jobs and ‘order’ are Hero’s.  And- even sometimes let us have seconds, and deal with one of those legit individuals having a medical emergency until EMS arrives- seriously!  Then- do it all again tomorrow! Or in 4 hours?! I mean- fuck bro. 


So- I’m an asshole…. Well some type of ass- I try not to put it as my ‘nickname’ since I’ve been called one or the other by someone who may or may not be biologically responsible for my being one… the struggle is real, every time!.


I mean, it’s not really my place- but I’m proud.  I’m proud that someone who is probably going to be a billion dollars in debt when this is all said and done instead of the opposite has the courage to do what he’s doing- He’s moving people! Literally moving mountains- they may be mountains of the vindictive against him… or those for him… I’ll stop there, Proud of the Hero’s at my local eatery/The Salvation Army… and the list goes on…


People love me or hate me- its so the truth.   I’m intuitive to the point its detrimental- and the energy from that is contagious.  Sometimes that’s good and bad.  And I wouldn’t change any of it- ESPECIALLY SINCE THE BEIB’S AND NIKKI NIKKI ARE IN MY EARS!


I could not be thankful enough for my life- THAT’S IT! I am so thankful for these experiences that I might ruin it by saying that that’s what people hate about me or love- or both. 


That same song is still playing- Cheers to all my ‘baby bathtime’ comrades!  J Those were the days! I swear I should put time stamps on each paragraph! Youtube is randomly playing away, and sometimes a sentence comes at a Chaucerly pace, or sometimes in an instance… but ‘Boyfriend’ is about halfway through… the ‘I swear’ part came at the beginning…those were, still, and always will be the days! J

        


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