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So after night of the warm sleeping bag my friend was not so inclined which was fine- somehow the night before and that night had attached some extra people.  The one dude the night before apparently had talked all night- trying to keep me up but being that I was so tired failed. This night homeboy was determined to make himself known I guess- at one point kicked me to wake me up to ask me something about ‘what did I like to do for fun?’ then, said I’ve got this bottle of water I’m gonna dump on you… before I could do anything he had dumped a whole bottle of water 0ny my lower half! I mean on what fucking planter am I on.  I hate this city. I wasn’t doing anything- I was sleeping.  His friend that was there ‘Paula’ said something about leaving me alone and so he did.  I asked her for a blanket in the mounds she was laying in and she said no.  I mean shit.  ‘Barry,’ the nice guy that let me borrow the sleeping bag was hiding in one of those public restrooms all night.  It was awful- so last night I decided to grace no one with my presence since it seems that no matter if they love or hate me- I seem to cause imbalance.  So annoying.

What I do love is Sia’s video The Greatest.  It seems that it coincidentally is inspired by the shootings in Orlando at that ‘Gay night club.’  I at the time was in a locked psych ward for attempting to electrocute myself- I failed.  But I was sitting in the common area and they showed the photos of the victims one by one on GMA- and I lost it.  Not in a had to be sedated out of my mind again kinda way- I just walked off to the back to where my bed was and laid down.  One of the aides came and asked if I was ok, literally syringes and pills in hand because that’s how I had been prior to- all I could say was ‘what did they do?’  He and everyone else knew what I was going through since I’m contagious.  He said ‘I wondered the same thing’ and thankfully instead of medicating more just had someone sit with me- which was annoying because naturally I just wanted to cry and cry- not in front of anyone.  This cry wasn’t able to be held back and before I knew it he and me and the other 10-ish people that shared my room were all crying.  It was fantastic- and got everyone extra desert that night since it was a breakthrough for everyone.  I’ve learned better now- I have no emergency contact set up anywhere- the person who’s information I gave them they deleted… after realizing this was the psychopath causing most of my drama.  So, if I see my friends again soon it’ll be much different.  

My life was supposed to be so different after I left there.  Before that I knew my eye was having trouble, when I moved into my apartment for my new contract I had received a  package from amazon and while carrying it up the stairs it hit the left side of my face- and two days later after having started work I was in the hospital with a retinal detachment.  So annoying- that contract was my saving grace! And it was cancelled after I needed long term antibiotic, etc. 

I would post pictures- and such.  But literally I haven’t been able to keep a phone for more then a week- which is why my gofundme hasn’t been updated and why I haven’t been able to get the money from it.  So annoying! Literally I had this phone for like 3 days at max.      

Ah, the Bieb’s is back in my ears (did I misspell his name last time?) opps.  He be like, ‘yeah, put some respeckt on it!’  He is very wise, I think.  I was listening to a set of videos selected by youtube itself.  In one of the videos he spoke to Grace, and how even though he had failed at something he had to give himself the Grace that God does- that no one is perfect as hard as they try. 

On that note- I saw a ‘vending machine’ thing at Walmart that said ‘Cash for phones now.’ I think I saw red- to think that all I’ve been going through and how much harder it’s been because of my phone issues- that a thug may have stolen one just to see how much cash he could get because he wanted to go to red lobster or some shit made me livid! And there was a line!