Meatloaf for dinner!...

I’m not trying to be cruel to animals but in an attempt to uphold the standards of our country... if you think a pigeon or drone pigeon is spying on you rice goes a long way...that’s why we don’t throw it at weddings anymore technically... there was a pigeon with a microphone or a microphones pigeon on federal indictments that didn’t go to trial and haven’t had the validity of the evidence argued prior to the actual trail starting... this has been done a lot... a lot a lot, try to make it worse on who you think may or may not have told me such and remember to look on the mirror as you were just telling me the same thing... remember pay off a $30,000-$50,000 car in 90 days or less and you automatically and without having to notify you of such... get investigated by the FBI... social media, emails, where you purchase your... everything.... 

So I’m productive today- I mean everyday but today especially. I was trying to add some special security stuff to my apple account and couldn’t.  I was like, wtf. So I was trying and trying to unlock these special features and then I was like ohhhhh- I totally get it... I’ve been able to do a lot recently.  Haha as much as it may seem like I haven’t I totally have. But like all the deletion of my iCal events and stuff... I mean an event I had set up for Tuesday didn’t go off on Tuesday and it’s been added to every day since... I don’t know.  I’m annoyed though. I don’t know how adding two step verification would make it not possible but anyways I couldn’t do it. It kept asking for some code (I guess your iCloud code is different from your like phone passcode) that I didn’t have but I need in addition to another apple device to verify it and I know it’s like a little paranoid but it was because of something greater then myself that I even managed to get my iPhone- so thankful for the nonprofit that is responsible for that. The point is that I have a wish list- on amazon that has some items on it. Like, a MacBook Air and an iPad Pro (take your pick.) Yay! Right?  Yes, absolutely. Some other things like gym shorts, an electric toothbrush, one of those water pick things, a candle, like basically all stuff that I had and was stolen from me (either by the the two people, the Sheriff’s, the three people, or my apartment people in San Jose that never let me back in my place except for one day to try to grab everything.... I left clothes in the dryer, like some things half packed all with the intention of going back- but yeah, not so much.  I know I know, stop being such a little bitch. I had the courage to make it at the request of a family member. How frustrating is it that I finally made it- after procrastinating/debating over which items I wanted and should I get the latest iPad Pro or the older model but then it’s only a little cheaper and it was just a lot- and one reason for procrastination was that they have repeated done this- I’ll be on the phone for flipping hours.... and nothing will happen from it that’s good.  Literally, usually all bad happens- like them knowing where I will be sleeping so that they can let the police know that I’m trespassing in the park. Same thing with the gym shorts and the tooth brush and ugh. It worked out though- I even put these face wipes that I like. But literally. $221 a month does not go far- it’s crazy. And since I’ve shut down the government every time I’ve applied for federal help and yes- I think my records are all complete but how I shut the government down, get my social frozen, and whatever else.... all this to say I’m trying.  No I’m not applying for more jobs only to have it all like tarnished and crapped on and have it be that I’m in a position to feel less than or like I’m not enough or that I’m not ok.   Oh but isn’t that, well what are you going to do josh, what’s the next step, it’s like they’ve become so wrapped up in the drama of my life that they’ve not only kept it going this long but have found it entertaining.  Like, they wanna know what they’ve deserved to have a family member with HIV and I’m like... please, like it even affects you.  I mean, that’s how naive my outlook on life was. I was like oh, well dang, I mean it did hit me like a ton of bricks it really did.  But anyways back to the income- for the 20 or so nursing jobs I applied for, was made an offer, and then didn’t get to start orientation for plus the ones at like hotels, fast food places, and there’s one more category I’m missing but can’t think of.... out of that I have rent to pay, backpacks break, flip flops break, toothbrushes have to be replaced, mouthwash, soap, saying toiletries doesn’t really give umpphh to what all that actually means. Like, walk to your main bathroom and look down... maybe open a drawer but don’t overwhelm yourself ;) - so some of those face wipes and stuff get pushed to next month on such a perpetual basis that I simply have pushed them out of my mind... except for  times when they would allegedly go down my bag pocket or... actually no, items like that I never forgot to pay for... cause I was like- so if I’m wiping my face with something I didn’t pay for or whatever... is that all bad?  So I told the family member, reminded and after a week was just like never mind. After I swore up and down and sideways that I wasn’t going to give them the high and satisfaction of ‘doing that to me’ I effing fell for it. I not only took the time to make the list and debated over a maybe $100 difference on a MacBook Air- like for real but then I repeatedly, not annoyingly I don’t think, asked in an anticipation of is it going to need a signature, will I be home... all this bullshit.  I’m sorry I act weird sometimes and now I see why people just do it on their own like the struggle is their own but when you’ve got someone in your life who sends you more phone chargers (thank you) before you’ve even alerted them that someone has broken yet again another one, I can’t help but wonder... am I being ungrateful when I think the whole scenario was just for the joy of hearing my lovely voice over text or me having to ask for a replacement and all that drama.  It seems like a legitimate concern- yet I’m always made to feel ungrateful or like a good for nothing, or worthless... but never the less I’m like done- and i do say that all the time but then shit like that happens and then I choose to invite them back in... yes, I can ignore the wishers like Oprah says but then they eventually become screams... yeah, whack whack whack with a golf club and then your deflated lung ass having chest tube toting self will sure wanna call home. There there- now did your learn your lesson as well as feel bad about all the worry and hard work i had to put in just so I could have this phone call with you and make you feel bad?  I was talking to someone who helped me come to the realization that there are those that would much rather see me or have me or someone they know or love die of a drug overdose and be labeled an addict or something other then complications from HIV which stems from lack of care, resources, and being thrown out of safety and into a nightmare fueled by judgement, hatred, and the need to maintain their own reputation vs.... just leave someone alone.   Like I hate to say it, cause God knows the onslaught that will come from the conservatives in my life- as they get violent, wreck less, and more plea of temporary insanity like then is reasonable or acceptable- so just leave someone the eff alone.  Stop putting on body paint, trying to have the last word or even a conversation because it’s going to end up being on your terms and not that of what’s natural so it’s going to be either frustrating, upsetting, disheartening... or it might be just what you wanted. A reason to complain, woe is me, or... stop it. Like, I can feel your metabolic syndrome type issues going into a higher level of seriousness as there is a difference between 119 and 120 as far as your blood sugar is concerned and those little bury tubes and loops and filters that your blood goes through when it’s trying to recover from just a damn phone call that was about bull crap that shouldn’t happen... cause why you gonna break someone’s phone charger... but if she says that I’m not making my gentrification quota and waking around as I should showing off my white skin so people can talk about it on the phone and I can be scanned by police cars, etc and have the whole process move along... then, yes, you did have someone break my phone charger though that may not have been what you wanted it was a ways and means to get what you wanted. I walked to get another one, had you worried while my phone was dead (cause you didn’t know the dets only what you wanted), then once all was well.... well damn he’s quick... let’s try this again and again and again.... I mean and let’s slice or destitch the stitching on his backpack so it falls apart... I mean, all of this time and effort on your part and money and resources and bandwidth and stress... and you’re going to have the balls to tell me that I’m the one with the problem?! Looney Tunes wouldn’t even have a spot for this in their world and somehow I and... doctors, lawyers, judges, the government, the president for freedoms sake, lord let me not forget the over worked over stressed I’ll have another one mental health professionals... cause where would we be without... oh and law enforcement et al, and I even had a teacher in jail (San ho) tell me to my face that she had never heard of any of these ‘social measures or interventions or violence’ that goes on. 1.  If their had been an electric chair in the room I’d be still cooking cause she was not happy.  But hey, I was just asking. And she lied. And that was ohhh- shit m, 3 misdemeanors, three felonies and a strike ago.   I mean people have changed they wardrobes like 5 times... and I’m still pissed there were times I spent a week in jail and was never allowed to shower. Got to remember my ‘special’ self was going to the dorms and causing lockdowns... yes, after I blogged about such travesties I started going to dorms were it wasn’t so lock-ish but... then ended up having to go back to the lock down places and then..... you know what it’s like to be in jail with 100-130 ‘criminals’ whose worlds for the time being have been completely just straight up fucked with because I’m in there over someone who can’t stop calling the police making threats if they don’t arrest me they gonna blah blah blah... at least me laying on the floor demonstrating what I went through as these two off duty rookies manhandled me into a wrap- which sinches you via a rope around your arms connected to a thing around your legs (so they cannot bend at the knee) and then connect the arm one to the leg one and pull real real hard and then breathing is the issue... so telling them they were breaking the law and that I wasn’t jay walking wasn’t an option.... however, being put in such requires a hospital check me out and ok me to go to jail, only to be charged with ‘delaying an officer.’ I couldn’t make this silly stupid shit up if I tried.  I mean honestly. 

Back to the true tragedy...Like, omg.  The shock, the horror, like please God can he please be high when he dies so that I don’t have to say it was pneumonia complications related to HIV and an overdose instead. I know that’s so real.   I’m so fortunate to be able to have gone through all this so that I can be a face with the stigma that exists. It’s a challenge- like, I haven’t ever really needed anything from my parents. I mean I had a roof, food in the fridge to cook (thank you Discovery channel as you taught me in the beginning- no idea where this food network idea popped out of nowhere from but it def helped..), parents without records that I know of- (sad I don’t get to have that same blessing in disguise bestowed upon my children if that’s something thats decided because even if it’s all crap and them charging me with what they did to me instead of what I was doing to the ‘people’ it’s still always going to be there. No no- there is an expunged tab) no offense but you guys haven’t had to do anything like this for me since like maybe freshman year of college.    I am sad to say that I can’t believe you would be mean to people who are and have been kind to me.  If not directly- then she sure is a ci for those that are... like remember us going shopping then that little incident at the clinic or wherever??? Im probably way out of line- but that reaction doesn’t come from that. Like, no. Not ever... the one that did was because of compatibility and it was in a simulation lab... so just saying... I’m done pardoning her reaches as they are so long, and far, scurry. Not like Wheeza- but like... why am I taunting the situation... because not only have you asked them to compromise their internal mora code by doing what you wanted instead of what they felt they should do, you then at a later time managed recollect your generosity in one way or another or just add things that completely negates their hard work (as evidenced by my wrap sheet- I hate to say it but I’m so glad UAB and specifically UAB School of Nursing was ready for me cause trust they ready for everybody.... as soon as I said on a resume you put education before licensure because one may change while the education earned can’t.... ya’ll she looking and trying I’m sure... even if a credit from high school or some shit like that comes into question don’t be surprised.  Been living in this for 5-6 years...)  Then take it a step further and the threats come, the character assassinations I’m making an issue of because it takes a stellar person to allow me to be in their life and they have to be so in a way because quality vs quantity is a value I was instilled with by a middle school librarian at an obviously perfect time.... meaning what?  Meaning I should have known better... I should have never talked about my life here or the stellar people I have in it- like my Filipino family here which are ‘Dreamers’ I guess (for thinking they could just take me to breakfast or dinner and everything would be ok- ain’t that some shit), or my amazing friends, and sadly the ones who have and are still by my side and give me courage to open my eyes in the morning are still going through it.  If not directly, just out of the ‘what the hell’ when they hear or see that I still haven’t figured it out or made them stop... but I don’t know how and I’m tired of feeling like I’ve been turned into a nightmare or hell instead of like a blessing that a friend should be and that they are for me. I don’t know... but all of this and fuck back to... I don’t know how or what to do- I’ve tried asking people left and right... not to name them all or what their role is or was and no one... 

the person that assaulted me with her titties and nasty attitude a year or two ago totally just tried to have me arrested at the market.  I’m like  dang that was two years ago, I wasn’t even doing anything but looking at the clearance stuff, and literally two employees from the market had to get you off of me- angry ass person with ulterior motives!  I mean- it’s like she knows my credit score or something... which brings me to another point. It sucks that... well I was like why is there a bus stop for the xzy bus there and then literally like 200 feet later there is another xzy bus stop.... ohhh, it’s cause there are people that can’t go within however many feet of the shopping center, eh? Is that like life long or?  I mean that kind of sucks- I’m sure those people wanted to be in that situation or have those circumstances applied to their lives ... yeah no.  Haha watch in 10 years me and my person are going to be going to that same market and that same person is going to try to have me arrested- like this is a legitimate reality and concern.  All cause I’m assuming she didn’t get the last word and still wants it.  Ok- well I just wanted a coffee and some boneless buffalo chicken fingers and yeah... leave me alone, thankfully they didn’t say anything but I am so concerned for just how far that person may take it... I might be personalizing this and she was talking about someone else while she made her presence known to me... point is the store said I was fine and she seems pissed.  Oh well- I just hate it for the person and the whole shopping center situation.  Like, that person may have come up like no body’s business and yet just like Julia Roberts in that hooker movie... you’ll be sorry cause me and my coin are going over here. Those people you alienate and are just heartless to will eventually be your downfall- for real though. 

Like I’m so annoyed- I was about to pass out from hunger as they were out of the chicken I wanted.... hmmmm.  So got them, then walked home and clearly I’m being used as a I don’t know.  But I would rather be being arrested and sleeping in parks then contributing to bullshit. I didn’t even know that had a term or even existed.  I’m relatively annoyed by it though.  Like, how much bullshit is it that I’m sure the term for it in the south hasn’t been identified cause that’s what I was told.  Have I said this before? That if someone of color, I’m not sure if it matters what color but fuck.   Like it shouldn’t matter but since it does I’ll say that in the situation I know... when a black person (insert Rudy/Raven Simone  quote about not liking being called an African American because she’s an American which I totally see the issue- I don’t like the term black because someone once asked if I grew up around a lot of blacks) was going to move to our neighborhood when I was a child... I was so upset that I heard my mom on the phone talking about how people in my neighborhood didn’t want them to purchase the home.  I was like, but mom it shouldn’t matter- I’m sure with more judgement or honestly concern then she was willing to lie to or dismiss...so when she says not because of skin color... but because in the states (My word) they put a financial price on color. I dunno I dunno. But technically if this was the same situation I would be decreasing home values and increasing homeowners insurance rates.  But I’m not. My white ass is doing the opposite and I’m trying to not... like usually how it works is the homeowners insurance either goes down or doesn’t change and the home value increases... so if you’re a renter it makes your rent go up... maybe by a lot or forces you out of your home because... my white tale has ‘falsely’ or not by legitimate (renovations, etc.) means increased your homes value which literally... I’m so sad to say... and you guys probably already know this.  Or maybe not.. maybe all this ICE and deportation and murder (death toll in the border camps... and then for the kiddos....- I know, I’m bitching about the heat in the place I stay and there are people and children dying of heat exhaustion and dehydration in those camps. Like is anyone concerned that these kiddo are potentially falling off their growth chart? Like, you know, those nutritional supplement commercials... those supplements were designed to help a child get back on, what we as a medical community, consider to be a normal growing pattern. Like height, weight, bone density, etc.... point is... I don’t know what to do. It does seem a bit (insert derogatory term here) but remember just like I love my Filipino family that are the dreamer’s they are/were threatening or actually deporting.... I love my tan people. No disrespect but since we as the ego centric people we are as Americans (we think the entire world revolves around us...) identify myself as white and Rudy as black then technically they fall on the tan side of the color spectrum. Perspective...that totally plays into the money and insurance game just as it does with automobiles... any who But I’m doing this and I hope it makes the world a better place...  cause now they’ve even moved groups to Texas? And I’m like... oh God in prisons in Texas they live in tents and make men wear pink underwear... this terrorizing an the entire country in one way or another... as we are only told what won’t make us create hype. And this issue does pertain directly to me because remember I do love my Mexican. (Worthless as my mom may have called him or be trying to make him be or seem- I think it’s a little projecting back onto her if you get my drift.) 

It’s late but...

So I’m just saying. There are 57000+ (57641) homeless people in Los Angeles County. Of that 20000 or so are housed, what ‘housed’ means I’m not sure.  However, I have seen soooo many people with jobs, living in their car.  And I’m talking about a van or something beachside like can be the glamorous I wanna do this instead of college. Totally support! Just saying- I know people have kids sometimes just to get into housing- not speaking to the love for that child however...because having an apartment on their payday isn’t feasible then they must rely on our government to help them out.   That’s what we do. Omg 30000+ aren’t housed. Meaning, I’m so thankful that skid row and that area exists because at least they are there and out in the street light- other than out on an overpass being eaten alive by ants.  The struggle is real... and some very influential people have come up from homelessness from that very area. So- don’t hate. It’s literally zoned for that...  I’ve met people all over that have been transplanted by one natural disaster after another. My

Dads family is one- from the 80’s I don’t know all I know is they had to leave and didn’t go back. (Shit... some of those might have been in NOLA for Katrina and were like no thank you, this is my house and I’m good.  So the issue is that (I can really go into this but... now isn’t the time) there were issues- not only were the people walking up the freeways like refugees not allowed to exit the freeway.  Yes, people stood on the on and off ramps not letting them.... so I hate to say it but pardon my reach when I apply that to the buses. Y’all may not know.  But it was days and days and weeks... of all bad.  Some of those people I’ve met in LA and San Jose. So it things aren’t adding up... then something needs to be done.  

A pocket veto occurs when a billfails tobecome lawbecause the president doesnot sign the billand cannot return the bill toCongress within a 10-day period because Congress is not in session. ... Congress can overridethe veto by a two-thirds vote of both chambers, whereupon the billbecomes law.

So if Mr. President has an issue with homelessness feel free to phone tree... I mean I may have just hopefully brought a way to end the government shut down completely.  Cause a lot of grant writing and fund applications are being paid for and written by people who have faith in our leader that what they are doing means something and matters.  And it does. Very much so. But, our government... and I mean federal government has the capability to literally do anything no matter what the obstacle. Our government is truly set up in a pretty stellar kind of way. Like, some of those people may want to go home- like some are getting their shit stolen left and right just like I was and are literally praying for the bus. It sucks cause they may not tell you- it would have to be a very trusting relationship because otherwise you could tell someone who then has them as an easy target.  See all this could be avoided in someway- if they all had homes.  Like, homelessness... is that not the most absurd thing you’ve ever heard of? I swear my professor told me i had no idea and I sure thought it was something that was unable to be true. Like, how can you not have a home.   And I realize I grew up around people that didn’t/don’t have running water- but, they still had a roof.  I think.  Like, some states do not want federal funding and don’t write for grants because they don’t want that coming and messing with their warm comfy overstuffed chairs. Well, I’m being an asshole- it seems very negligent on their part- but just because I’m a councilman or commissioner or whomever.... doesn’t mean I can go about the grant writing season process or even... what in the hell is he taking about? Yeah, it was or is currently grant writing season.  Usually you apply and get it... currently someone has they foot in the door blocking this process. I’m so thankful for the well rounded approach of Incumbent (did you know that means person sitting in the chair? Or that’s currently in that elected position? I didn’t until like 2 weeks ago.) anyways Ms. Pelosi has said as speaker of the house, don’t shoot the messenger- but she been around a long time and is very wise... that they are going to wait until his presidency is over... meaning getting the most bang for the impeachment buck as well as justice.  Which is truly what we’re talking about here. Cause justice isn’t someone dying on the streets, at the hands of another who’s hungry, or even the person who now can schedule appointments for preventative care vs having to go to the ER for every issue they have.  Yes, teeth, eyes, toes.... everything...is what used to happen and still does I’m sure. But this way the thought is I guess get rid of healthcare/affordable healthcare/Obama care ;) and then you don’t have to worry about all the noise coming from hospitals and healthcare professionals saying this isn’t right... cause it’s not. Tackle the home issue... I’m not using that word anymore... homelessness- how can you be that... like- how can you be less of something you never had? Please make a cage free joke right now in your head sir... as instead a joke someone’s belly just rumbled from hunger because they gave their husband their share or kids or he’ll, they all hungry and we’re late to school and did you know... I’m saving that.   This to be is about the home issue... like home, job, insurance, and then billionaire cause everyone wants to help people. I have not met a single person ever that has been eating at a soup kitchen, or living in a tent, or sleeping on the sidewalk that wanted to be doing what they were doing or didn’t want to do anything other then help someone else once they got on their feet. Ugh, non-liberals/conservatives. Shit start conserving some of that hate and turn it into self love and then maybe I’ll call you a conservative.  But, that’s generational also isn’t it.  I literally say to the universe at night before I go to sleep... am I making a better place. And the other night I literally felt a hug... so I hope I am.  I am not such a hater... but, literally I just have all this going on for the world and personal life is just like OMG. And, I’m not putting my damn amazon wish list or something like that.  Just as I’ve learned about others and myself... I don’t want charity. I’m so thankful for generosity but I am not going to give my family a reason to ‘poor pitiful ole me’ themselves...I’ve been that for them a lot of my life and I was destined to be a street kid.  They literally moved as close to the city as they could yet far enough from sidewalks, and buses.  Cause at 5 years old I would have been on the streets, I tried to to run away so much that I walked off at the food giant on the parkway/mom ducked and ran... that I swear.... who knows what would have happened. I’ve been starstuck once in my life and it was as a little bitty kiddo. Ha- I’ve chasing those stars my whole life I think.  But, then I found one of my own in a friend and... I need to keep it on me and I. So, as I do that... remember, your soul has no gender... gender and all the drama that goes with it is an earthly thing... so deal with the gay straight hate, deal with the prejudice and remember that when you’re in your after life... heaven, reincarnations, happy place that you and your loves will just be a bunch of souls... so it won’t matter what you are and what they are... just that their is love and life.  :) and try to go to sleep smiling... it helps me and I hope it helps you also.

Gratitude.. . .

Omg- I’ve got to tell Barbra Streisand that her clone dog being raised by its original may be like back to the future and if you run into your history self and your future self you trip...

I was wondering where the term bully came from all of a sudden.  Like, there aren’t any real change makers associated with that term.  It’s not going to get the ‘inclusion or exclusion’ sign from over the door so that everyone may walk in equally, it’s not going to make it so that two souls can join as one here on Earth as they do in Heaven where they have no gender, it didn’t bring up the issue that over half the people ‘doing time’ in our country weren’t mirandized... it’s almost like one of those terms I hate and make it seem I’m not only a victim, but I’m letting you know that i know that I am a victim and that there is an injustice being done or occurring or whatever.  Did you know, I dunno if it was edited or not... but the Miranda is actually a case law... from oh wait... when someone was in handcuffs and shouldn’t have been... like a here, lemmme put these on you for a min and have a seat over here.  Like then, ok bye... see you next time Mr. Miranda. No arrest made. Well they can’t do that... and i don’t even know how to explain it in such a way other then to just still be trying to go to law school or whatever and the gov agency that’s supposed to be helping me is still debating over me and wether or not my having vision in one eye and being blind in the other puts me into the the regular people category or the persons with disabled category... like, I’ve missed another deadline!  So I’m shooting for spring now- said with a hint of optimism, a twinkle of hope, and a prayer that parts of our government aren’t still shut down... cause it’s grant writing season and all these federal funds are dry and not yet being replaced and it just makes me a little concerned.  Point is the term bully and those scenarios and situations will cause some people to personalize some things in their lives and they may straight up punch somebody in their face... but other then that it doesn’t really do much but give someone the opportunity to aw, po thang you a few times, pat your head, pass you a juice box, and give you a safe space or place to nap. As an adult that’s what I still need but, what happened to those terms like libel, slander, defamation of character... oh shit, you throw around terms like that... all of a sudden people looking at you out that wonk eye spot like, who you been talking to about my behavior and how much we talking here and uh huh... I think your accident proneness just went up by 400%.  And who the hell, what the hell... and what’s said is that may not even change all that behavior or may make it worse like... oh you want something to libel about, well here’s something to libel about! Omg, I do hope that term ‘beat like a three year old at k-mart has faded out.’  That’s what, taking away privileges looked like and still does for a lot of us even at the dirty thirties or whoever the hell it is... it’s like there is so much that goes into things and no I don’t want to talk about it.  There is no reason that me saying something about an injustice or wrong that’s occurring right now, would be weighted differently by me telling you how a culmination of those events in a different place, in a different time caused trauma that’s affecting me now.   Instead, somehow now everything is different. And you feel bad and... just a bunch of senseless drama brought on to try to get me out of my house or whatever... here how mental illness works.  So far what we know is it’s progressive.  Like, it doesn’t get better or go away.  I’m saying for me once I work on righting wrongs, making sure the world is going to be a better place, and have some time to process and  sleep. Like, now I have my issues w my family, it started off them wanting to ‘take back’ everything they had given me, my education, my credit, my iPad- which bitch I paid for, technically with the education that no you didn’t give me but yes financially supported, to nowwww the bitch called and is trying to see how much my old apartment with my bro-mate would rent for if it was hypothetically on the market? Excuse me? So now you’ve gone from not only taking back what all you gave me to now wanting to be me or have what was mine. Oh girl.   For you so far it looks like this will be progressive.  Like, I don’t have depression from anxiety... I have chronic anxiety. Like, give me some coin, give me some adequacy and I’ll show you how I do.  But I’m trying to get my shit together and life back with $221 a month? And then $197 for food?   Are you serious.  That is $6 a day for fold which is literally 8, 8 oz glasses of water from the corner store. It costs more to provide people with clean water then it does Coke or Pepsi, et al. 

It’s just frustrating that even with me doing everything perfectly per the algorithm and how to work the credit score game... my score will never be what it was... ever.   It will never be equal to or higher then what it was at its highest.  Ever.  And I don’t like that and it’s a generational thing cause I think I come out yeah a little bruised from not paying my phone bill on time but damn, you don’t have to do me like that and remember it forever do you? Yep.  Currently.  But I feel it should be omg, all that happened to you and you’re here even complaining about how the water wasn’t warm at the free showers in those horse trailers of a pull behind thing in a big city.... I admire that. Like, I’m not going to allow this to hold me back in my way of thinking or mental state... I wish that was enough.  I wish that would create all these changes and growth and then I could just keep moving forward.   Instead, it’s the other way around... that is like a dump in. The road and I’m a toddler with my big wheel and I’m just trying and trying and trying... and the woe is me’s think I’m just so cute.... oh look he thinks he’s gonna get over it this time, op op op almost... oh, go ahead, dust yourself off... here.... he’s some whole grain... now, don’t be a burden to society... go go, try again... op op op, aw almost... (hey if nothing else I feel better about myself with I drive by the court house and see all those ‘not me’s’ standing outside, and look at how entertaining it is to see him almost get over that hump every time! It’s like, we all know- since we in the know that he’s never going to be able to get over the hump- with that circumference of the wheel, available power from his little toddler legs, angle/slope of the hump and saturation of his diaper, and friction from the carpet the jump is on... like physics-Ly ain’t now way... one generation will be like ohhhhhh, when the younger in between one goes and grabs toddler to do something different more successful, and not so degrading... so... all that good front he in between generation is what the toddler with be gifted from the situation.  So when he sees someone in that situation it’ll be ohh... that’s it! Cause grandma can do bad all by herself... but I can not even do good sometimes knowing that something bad is going on like that... it’s stupid though right.  I’m not complaining about what’s available to help, I’m only saying it’s not enough, I’m tired of like those people to help me with school... instead of telling me what’s up... they just hoping I give up and go away.   That way I’m not on there books at tax audit time or whatever, they didn’t have to actual tell me what was going on and be that person, and... no, I’m not going to figure it out eventually.  Just like she’s thing to move into our old apartment that’s originally his, she’s trying to make go back to the streets by paying people to break my god damn charger, only to then send me some in amazon so there is more and more reason for me to take myself out of this situation which means going back to the streets or whatever... cause I was gonna do it at 5, why not now... and wouldn’t that be a sight... to be drinking my coffeee, where josh and his dear friend once lived a life that I can’t imagine and will never know...but oh look, there goes josh again, limping, looking said, and I’m looking at my apartment like it’s bringing life back to his eyes by he’s thinking of how safe he felt... oh hell, no. He’s looking at my apartment or in this vicinity too long... he must be casing it... good thing I have two phones and a voice activated compute... bitch unlike that lil toddler I got a post on a community slander page alerting people to where he at, 911 on phone 1 has me on hold- Siri set a reminder to, and then 911 on the other phone talking about this harm to society looking through myy windows at me in my bath robe and...yes, please send officers immediately... well. And now Siri reminding me to sue over the mental stress of 911 on phone 1 even though luckily it’s a diff area code so hunny I got sheriffs and LAPD, and omg the helicopter is just causing so much stress and...... oh woe is me.  And now at my ladies who lunch luncheon tomorrow I have to tell all my friends about this and... I don’t know why josh has to do this to me, and why he can’t just move forward, I have to tell them cause that’s what’s gone on recently... Nevermind I won the lottery and got a new Bentley, and cured cancer....  this was all just so much I must get it off my chest and they’ll know what to say to support me through this difficult time cause now I won’t get the high of seeing him tragic anymore cause opps I did mention that he was armed but woe is me I was mistaken, but now he’s in jail and will be for a bit while he fight his case and add charges, and I’ll just have to put money on his books and oh I’ll have to go online and dig through and find my... and then what if... you know I have work to do... and think... this is just 2 hours In an a Day of a life of me that’s now 32 years old. What? Like it’s hard? And when I say WTF- I don’t mean it in a neg bad way... I mean it like. Usually there is an ughhh, fuck, my life... like... looking at it in a fuck, my life... is awesome, is full of sex, is full filling, is a whole life.   Vs or v Fuck My Life in a giving up kind of way in which those that say they know me but don’t, have misconscrewed me and my shit.  When I cross the street and wave I’m not trying to stop and already stopped car with a Palm and five fingers like some... I’m just in my awkward way, acknowledging that I know you and I both know that if I wasn’t in your way you could have done one of those rolling through right turns and made it ahead of all these cars that you must watch pass you as this clown is telling me to stop... like I’m already stopped you bitch.  Here, you can have a startling honk. Honk! Don’t let this Happen again or I’m pulling the blind spot card. Ugh, aw look- he’s actually acknowledging that even though it’s the law i still stopped and now he’s crossing safely to go to the library to try and get his shit together so he can finally tell his friend that he’s never going to... and aw, see how much bette to feel just by my efforts of being a cool person were acknowledged and now at least this way I can puff puff pass w myself... cause... see... 

Monday! Thanks again!

I love you- I hope you’re ok.

Ugh I don’t want to say it... but I have to.  I was pondering w a homie who said- ‘dude, people are crazy... my dad had my brother beat down the other day... like, there is such thing as elder abuse... but does child abuse or neglect have an age limit?’  I was like I dunno.  I mean, they have it all wrong.  A child’s love for their parents I think is unconditional.  But, a parent will fuck a child up for the fun of it and then complain about having to do it for they own good.  

Like I’m not trying to say I’m a saint cause clearly... but I literally can’t do bad.  Like even if I wanted to have sex for money or do something like for money I couldn’t. I’d be the one the bought one a car for like $30k or whatever the threshold is and pay it off in 90 days or less cause I’m a boss and I want the maintain my credit and so... well guess what... doing so gets to ass investigated by the FBI- like mando.  Have I already posted about this? If so boom, just hitting you with it again cause they don’t have to let you know they are investigating you and when they do, it’s Facebook, email, photos in your icloud matched through facial recognition to see your connections and affiliations and if your photos connect anyone to anyone so through your business they connect others.  And we’re talking about they don’t let you know and this led to a pigeon telling on the ass also. I mean was it a pigeon w a microphone or was it a drone pigeon who knows cause this shit does not make it to a court room. Like girl- they don’t want this shit out in the open... having to have the evidence validity or legalness argued in court room would be a blessing. But, they threaten and deal with you and it’s not fair. Hey, you tell on three you get out free.... like that’s not fair. Because I don’t know for sure but I do know that in the movies that’s all bad.  Like you don’t do it cause you just don’t.... am I right? Bros before hos. It’s crazy. Like it puts people at risk... and odds are isn’t legal anyways.  Like the way they collect the evidence. Ugh. I know they just got done with all the stuff... but you know once a phone line is tapped it’s tapped. They don’t really untap it. Well fuck is this the same way- once you pay your car off early they investigate and don’t stop. Ew. Oh wait I forgot I don’t even know they are investigating me.  Ha.  Well wonderful.  It’s just crazy. All this money and I wrote the one about credit. I know I said I’d post it- it’s written but I get scared.  Like I saw a shit ton of protests going on and I’m so thankful that people are doing what makes America, the great country it is.  I wish everyone would union up also. The power company is the strongest union in the world. 

I think the water is safe to drink from the tap until I think of people on chemo therapy as I’m sure water treatment places are able to handle it but I do know that things may not be what they seem and also I dunno if it’s tested for traces of at the tap.  

Conservatives are more violent.  As a population a liberal and conservative will argue a topic... and regardless the winner a conservative is more likely to get violent then the liberal... always. Like a liberal can ‘lose’ an argument with the mindset... ‘You can’t argue with a fool’ but either the conservative will sense your inner ‘we both know who really won this debate  right’ or will just want to finalize the deal or whatever... but a conservative is more likely to still hit even another conservative. Then it’s like fight night. 

So credit one... two people not married but together.... they know and your score and creditability are lowered because... wtf? Indecisive, scared of commitment, why not you get a deduction? Ten points lower for each unanswered or weird ass thing like not wanting the deduction. Sorry Goldie and Kurt.  Someone like the Clintons. Married but possibly separated not only maybe had the circumstance happened that’s only happened one other time in the history.... but also why didn’t you pull a Florida and why are you frauding the government? Decreased creditability but deduction and still lowered score. Single:.. wtf if wrong? Your shit stink or something cause why you not married? 

Im not scared to post the ones I’ve written... cause they funny but at the cost of not getting my message across he’s the neutral, there’s some shit going on that ought not be and....

No one cares about the stock market.  It’s like fake- how many American’s own stock vs those that don’t and 401k’s don’t count.  I mean like a portfolio- I hope it’s diversified if you do have though!  I’ve wanted stock from Santa since I was knee high to a duck... and still in my life even as an adult haven’t had time or the umph or the trust to figure out how it all works, where to go what’s fair market value to pay... and I mean that’s money and I e never really had any disposable that I’d be ok with putting in there only to have it be a big savings account for the states and then make interest off it, and that’s it. 

My computer tried to act up again- luckily the person trying to tamper with my shit didn’t make it happen... I got nervous and cussed some and the timewheel of death started (the mouse) and yet somehow I made it happen.  Yay! 

Happen Monday.  Thanks again to the ones that saved lives over the weekend. The 80’s one was 6.9... this was a 7.1.  And I think it was diverted as it should have been—- you know kind of guiding the wreckage toward a people free/national park.... thank you so much. I love it. I’m sure the federal funding... yes was funded by a liberal/democrat. 

Thank You...

There is much to say, but now isn’t the time... (the words of a ‘Great’- like one of the Great people of the world.. nothing to do with age...) but thank you to science and academia and even the construction worker that used 5 nails even though they know that 3 is sufficient... cause I shook enough to think I was on a ride at Disneyland.  

Here’s one more... generosity is the take home message! ;)

Back in the day I had no idea why this travel nursing gig didn’t consider the bus reliable means of transportation. I was like how the fuck is the bus not reliable means of transportation? Yeah I totally get it now! I think it’s cause cars have their own lanes and don’t think buses should exist.  So it makes it hard.   Plus like with me.... people do all sorts of out of the ordinary stuff it feels like and that yes, can affect the whole city. 

I am so thankful to Mayor Garcetti for his interview today about homelessness. It is not a California problem- it is a national problem that revolves around hate and trauma. It takes a lot to stand up for a population who have been considered by ignorant people to be criminals, addicts, lazy.... and probably about every other negative term in the universal language that applies judgement. Thank you.  People come here sometimes simply because their home state supports such hate and judgement. Its weird to think of a Mayor as a lifesaver- but taking a stand like he is as well as he said Chicago and New York’s mayor are is a tear jerker for me. Thanking my High Power for Democrats! 

Some people don’t have drivers licenses... so the scooter thing is very dangerous.  Like, I mean that’s my take on it.  I hate that people are getting hurt simply because they literally don’t know right of way.  If they did I’m sure it wouldn’t be such an issue with them.  I mean if you’re scared to ride them on the street then I get it... but it’s hard to walk on the side walk sometimes and I’m not gonna lie... I’m not trying to be rude.... but at least If I’m late the scooter is a great option.  But I don’t think the right of way thing is something that’s thought of that often... and I mean if you’re 50 and want a drivers license do I have to have a permit for a year.   I would think duh... but I dunno.  Yes, I could very well look that up online.... but I don’t trust what I read on my phone online... not that the internet isn’t a great place.... I hope this was literally to show what a fucking nightmare things could be like if the internet isn’t seen as a... like we have water, electricity, power, and internet is now one of those..,, internet, and data on your phone to me are the same thing... but I don’t think they are considered the same at all.  And further more... policing the internet isn’t the feds on Facebook.... it’s making sure that when a security person at target sees someone enter there password in whatever way, I’m thinking through video monitoring or surveillance (and if there is a difference i can’t believe it’s be argued over the point that if your password is seen on a security cam then artificial intelligence/actual intelligence, I think can make that person aware that their password has been compromised.  Like I’ve made AI seem bad.  But it’s not, it’s people.  I bet all the stuff that’s been done to me has been by people vs actual intelligence/AI. It’s not the AI (this is why states now are capitals on the address label for an envelope... cause the capital I looks like a lower case l and can be confused.  This is exhausting. I hope the... it’s not the sanitation department, it’s Cal Trans right that cleans all that up? Or is that for the interstates and freeways? I’d look it up but I rather maybe people compare answers.  Like look up online where you are or how you normally would and see if the they’re different? Seeeeee AI will keep shit like it is  and either validate what I’m saying or will... either way if someone tried to pamper with the situation it’ll know or keep a paper trail. as I’m writing this someone could be writing code to change if things are filtered or not.  I dunno. But I looked up so many times things sometimes only to later find out I was wrong... I just think about things and if someone says something about someone else I did look that up and it did say verify what someone said... about someone else’s gender identity and literally that’s how bad some people wanted to make me look... like a total asshole and I am so sorry... i take that very seriously cause I am all about someone being who they are but I am not ok with whom ever or who ever decided to pick a certain celebrity and then use them as ammunition in this character assassination of me (and that celebrity... two birds with one stone?... ugh is hope not) I’m sorry to ruin things.... I have no idea who or what I’m From or linked to... someone I know can attest that I ruined Facebook.  All because someone used me as a means to make it so they could see my shit without me knowing but who didn’t have a college ID for their own profile.  Yes, I’m glad it is the way it is... but at the same time... it totally went from legit knowing who you were talking to and if they wanted to hang out or be friends or whatever... a way of building friends and a life in college away from everything you know to having to delete 2 billion profiles so far.  That’s crazy... fake accounts. I mean- it’s a mess.  Like even now... the distraction of someone messaging me while I’m trying to validate myself... and again pretending as though they are my other half or my best friend.  Like someone posted a pic of him handcuffed to a lounge chair at the bottom of a pool. Like, the threats or the realness of the messages I’m getting are enough to where I don’t play.  I had a nightmare of a day dream that was literally a group of people or person torturing my friend/person, he had whip marks and was bloody all over, with someone holding his dick down their throat which they had cut off... a selfie of sorts.  Can you imagine how I feel when I know stuff like that happens in the world... and was it a threat? Or a warning or a... I dunno.  But it was like enough to make me decide that this is it... it stops with me.... I swear I hope I’m the last person to go through this type of mean hateful stuff... because as real as i hope( and yes, pray to my higher power and the universe and my positive influential people that aren’t on this earth anymore) all of this isn’t... I am not playing with the fact that Emily Smart was held 6 mIles from her house!!! And walked around and.... was technically kidnapped!   Like- true story or that’s what I have read and checked out again a few times only to realize that the numbers may be off but the story was and is real.  I’m sorry for putting that person on blast but it’s a recent example I can think of.  This is not a reason to shelter or be afraid but it is to me a reason or an example that has a reason to take someone seriously when they are talking, I get that people lie... but in San Jose I literally told every person of like... say a healthcare professional, or a caseworker, or the person at a non profit, or like the people at the re-entry center there after I got out of jail the second time (the first time I didn’t know it existed)... none of them believed me or even offered help to get me out of a situation that was unsafe or that I felt was unsafe/threatening/I dunno.  I was a mess.   And don’t play like I’m not fully aware I could have been somewhere else other then San Jose.... cause yes I took philosophy and thank God I hated it enough to pay attention.  Just because there is a door doesn’t mean that it’s a door or that there is something on the other side of it.  Weird? No... it’s abstract and make me someone who just because the sign or phone says 7:54pm or right turn only... doesn’t mean that if I am driving I’m. It going to make sure that I can actually do so... people steal and move street signs thinking it’s funny when really it’s illegal and has killed people. Like- that’s not really the same thing... but kind of.  

I hope that I didn’t make it so porn left SoCal... it happened right when I moved here.  Also- if there aren’t like 75% of registered voters that voted for that... it’s funny that governments would allow something like that when they actually require such for spending federal money.  Which I’m glad they do... like for some meeting a certain number or percentage must be present for the meeting to take place... does that happen with voting? I’m not sure... but if some people very high up didn’t know that what I said about Democrats and Republicans was true... then that’s how amazing public schools can be... just saying.   And people being genuine and legit educators.  They weren’t teachers to me.  They were and are educators. They educated me to be able to pass the high school graduation exam as well as live life... and that we should wear deodorant and who else but  teacher... educator gonna know your kiddo smells... you’re at work and then they go home and play... and yeah, it was like at someone in health or whatever that they said alright you guys ask your... this was back in the day I think this one teacher gave out deodorant to her students.   Parents don’t realize or maybe they do or... maybe they haven’t or don’t notice... but yeah.   If a Democrat is in office look at what good is done and how much like for instance the people who didn’t have insurance still went to the ER’s and were seen... a Democrat made it so that they could have an option besides the ER and also that the hospital wouldn’t eat that cost or whatever.  Like, duh.  Education was supported.  Republicans clearly don’t support that... not to say the First Lady wasn’t part of the teachers strike... but like where is the support and dollars for people and colleges and also.... I have t heard a word from that with republicans as long as I’ve been alive.  Yes, President Bush made it so hospitals couldn’t turn away patients at the door... because yes people. At one time you could go to a hospital bleeding and be turned away if you didn’t have insurance.   But also while he was in office all the medical research dollars stopped as well as limited what research they were doing out of pocket.  Like, that’s why something’s were made an issue specifically.. because it was like...who really.   Yep.  I’m hating on this administration not really... but to say some men (so far) have lived worked and breathed or breezed their whole life’s in politics and still don’t know what they’ve gotten themselves into probably won’t be admitted but maybe.... look at the stimulus package we got from the democrats... President Obama, thank you- but if you were claimed as a defendant as I was At the time you didn’t get it... but at least a lot of people did.  I have never heard a republican mention a tax stimulus check... however I heard they are forgiving billions in IRS owed money... is that to like you and me... or to... like businesses, etc.? Cause some of this rich white people don’t have a business and don’t have anything to be forgiven and let me tell you how happy they’ll be about that....  ok, I’ve now posted three in one day. Geez.  All of which are things I’m happy with hoping they weren’t changed or somehow altered. If it’s not happening now, that’s how crafty a written program or whatever can be... it’s like on the matrix... the orgasm caused by the desert... very specific and purposeful for that lady specifically and not anyone else.  If you’re watching or looking it might not be making my difficulties even getting the shit on to a document but I’m not ‘grounded’ currently am I?  Like... I’m not smart, but I do have a way of... pissing people off.  And me putting two and two together to be five in that way as in this and that and the whatever detail no body but like two people in the world are aware of... would equal 5. Then yes, I do do that.... they figured out how to read brain waves when I would look at the people who raised me as a child and be thinking something smart but not saying something smart cause eventually I’d still get popped for the thought. But hey, that was stopped pretty quickly and don’t think she won’t handle your ass from heaven... that’s all I’m saying.  I’m on a path that has reached an unsafe... like for real unsafe time (or at least I feel that way... and if I feel that way... so do the people that love me in heaven...) and I hope you get what I mean by.... all of that in the most respectful manner possible. She had a silencer to eh?  Yeah... I dunno.   The method may have been extreme or whatever... but the message was valid and true and correct and right.   Am I right?

I’m sorry gentrification sucks and could affect the whole worlds economy or contribute to homelessness. It’s not something I was aware existed but now that I know... omg, it’s been happening since forever.  It wasn’t until people try to cause it that it’s a huge issue.  I’m not getting a kick back or money for it...if anything it’s been a challenge only because I see that people may not wanna move... may like everything but the difference in one area to another... such as are sports offered at each school the same? Or are they different? Extracurriculars. Parks. Sidewalks.  Shrubbery. Trees.  Oh please it’s all desert and I’m so glade city... West Hollywood has those smart bus stops... I dunno if metro decides or the city or whatever the stop is in... but I think upgrades are available... either way... I thought everything was equal and everyone went to college and those that ended up in jail did so because.... I don’t think it existed to be honest... like I thought it was a thing I was told to scare me. Like if you do this you’ll.... like a way of making us do right... but that it never go to the extreme of actually jails and prisons.  Boy was I wrong.  I went to detention once and was like ohhh no.  Then got suspended for drinking on a school trip which had been swapped out for something besides alcohol but nevertheless that was enough for me. After that I just was like... ugh this sucks.  And straightened up- but all that I did in a way of having fun... not because I had to.  That’s my struggle. Some people live a certain way only because they have to... or it’s what the norm is...  some people tell themselves it isn’t ever going to be an option for them... or that those things like graduating high school and then going to college... much like I thought prisons and jails were fake I think some people think that about college, and other things...or they just don’t have a leader that makes them believe differently.  An educator will believe in them but the dollars and cents doesn’t even come their way sometimes so... I’m glad something as made up and fake as money makes such a difference in the world.  Like, the only reason it has worth is because we say it does.   Money is... just make it rain sir... like making it rain is like where you’re at a strip club or a birthday party or someone’s.... and you hold money up (bills, not coins though at one point may have been what it meant if the saying is that old....) and like drop it like confetti.  That’s making it rain.... that’s what should happen... not deporting people who may have HIV only to send it to another country with little prevalence or treatment options.   I’m not going there... but I think you get my concern.  Like, those people that had to pack up today with the clean up... we’re their medical staff or anyone there to assess if anyone needed medical care? I hope so... if not then I’m sure it’s a lack of federal funding.  As I know it probably is... ugh. So weird... like yes we in debt maybe as a nation... but what is our credit score?  Oh that’s coming next... 

Yes... twice in one day...

I’m so sick of people and their dumb sayings.... like, your past does define you... maybe I’m mistaken here but isn’t that what a credit score and background are all about?!  It doesn’t hold people back, isn’t anything you can run away from, and it can’t be changed it’s so annoying.

So did you know that a republican an office stops most medical research.  Such as yes, stem cells that my understanding of is that they can... like, grow you a new pancreas if you need it... can you imagine? Like, that’s amazing right? Well- a republican in office stops all that.  It’s like an automatic thing... I learned it in high school and people may know but also- they may flat out not know. That’s why it’s so important to know what you’re voting as well as who. If you’ve had someone die of cancer or something like that.... I’m not taking about something as extreme as cloning... which let’s face it. If other countries are doing it... which they are... or at least the research then... we’re behind.... it’s like when we were racing to the moon. I have no idea why when President Kennedy was in office it was such a big deal for us to be the first on the moon. But, now I feel like cancers and all that destruction from radiation and the fruits of war (which-lets face it.... we can’t change it... )are essentially did you know that in the south we have reptiles that give birth to live offspring. Now is that odd? Is that how it’s always been? I dunno but girl- I feel like our cancers-the bad ones are from radiation.  And I know what we tell ourselves- that people come here for us to operate on them, etc.  But I also know- Americans are ego centric.... we think everything is about us. Well- it’s not.... it’s about the world. And we’ve stopped contributing to the global research body as a whole. And imagine all that research and movement we did the last 8 years that stopped.... now all of it just has to be thrown out.  Or universities keep it or kept it going and now want to be reimbursed for it... don’t get me wrong... the national debt is a big deal to me.  But I also know... that conservative and liberal comes simply down to dollars.  Money is a made up fucking thing. Like- essentially it’s made up.  If worse comes to worse we can just split the stocks again and all will be well again... as in you have 500 shares... now all of a sudden you have 1000.  I dunno.  A family member said it happened once in her lifetime. And I’m not going to even stand by and think that we have some fantastic candidates.... but as important as the candidates are... the party is more important... Democrats are all about putting money out there and making the world better.  Republicans want to pay off a national debt which is really just.... I dunno.  Made up to me? Like- it seems? Where did that even come from?  It’s got to be fake. National debt clock or whatever.... so think of how fast that research can move with a Democrat in office... for the next 4, 8, or 16 years do it not only for your kids.... but yourself. I’m 32 and might have 60 more years to go.... I may need a new... or know someone that needs a..., the point is.... look at what come from the Obama administration.  No offense.  It sometimes gets better before it gets awful,... and what I mean by that is it’s time to stop lying to our people... as in american  government lying to its people. Democrats will make that a reality.  Essentially yes.   You’re voting for the personality.   But also.  The basic mechanisms and systems that the party that person is sided with is what really takes effect. It’s huge.  A republican will not make a person walk again after an injury.  But a Democrat will.  A republican will not make the credit system more fair or offer stimulus checks or anything.   I live in a blue state.... a Democrat state... and here- if you make less than $80,000/year you can get Aid with food and healthcare.... California is fantastic. I’m sure most blue states are.   I’d rather be blue like the ocean vs red like a volcano erupting.  When President Obama won I remember this kiddo at work standing up in his bed like cheering.  It was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.   I’m not hating on President Trump... but I am hating on the Republican Party.... they want to prevent things that simply ought not be able to be prevented.  Like, medical procedures.... love.... autonomy (financial, education, etc.).... and if nothing else... think of this... private insurance basically only reimburses at what Medicare reimburses at anyways.... so no matter what.... it simply comes down to the clientele.  A surgeon this year is making less then they made last year.... doctors period. Lawyers. I dunno.   But the law does not drive our lives.... healthcare does.   Taking  care of people is what we live for- as forma or informal as that may be.   All I mean by that is if surgeons are making less... people who can say put your new pancreas into your body.... to replace a cancerous one.... are making less money.... then we have a problem.

The deportations and all... I dunno.   I know what I’m told and what I feel and something isn’t right.  Please stop talking about the election so far or so much cause God knows what may slip under the radar.  Terrifying. Democrats don’t start wars.  They stop them.  They put money out there. And create a better standard of living.

Republicans.... try to take health care away from people.... period.  Say no more.... I’ll never vote for a republican ever.   That’s that.... would you ever think a Democrat would take healthcare from someone.  No- they gave it to those that didn’t have it and also have helped fund/reimburse healthcare for its innovation.

Ok.  That’s all for now.

I love the concept of some of the things I read or see.... but the times  of laughing and acting like everything is ‘ok’ is over.

I hate being political..... but true democracy has nothing to do with political parties... it’s almost the opposite of democracy.   And you can’t say bipartisanship because that makes those insecurities glam up.... so just until they figure out what the hell to do about systems that are behind each... vote democrat.   Also- most of our troops are still serving.  So I dunno if one can actually run right now. Or maybe they know something the rest of us don’t.  If I said that your enews was selected just for you and may be totally separate from someone sitting beside you I would be right.  In Birmingham Alabama we used to have two newspapers.... a morning and an evening one.   Seriously. Now newspapers are going out of business.   It’s not cause people don’t wanna pay for news it’s cause they broke, homeless, or don’t have time to read it... Like, hypothetically.... I have a job, a husband I have to help lay an egg once a day, kids to bring up in a way that’s admirable, pray every day and night that everyone makes it back home or through the night or whatever, go to the gym for 30 minutes, go to the dentist but yet they are open 9a-5p and that’s my work day.... like how the eff am I even supposed to consider not working when I have after school care and food to put on the table and we have to have a dog which ought to be exercised and omg I just caught ‘your child’ with ‘an A in science!’ Or a penis in their mouth... the point is it’s so crucial that not only are we told the truth.... but lies that need to be corrected, corrected.    Double or nothing NYC knows the USA’s meet is cancer causing related to radiation... whereas yes- they are making it so their school lunches in public schools are vegetarian... maybe that’s how bad soy is or the lesser of
Two evils or.... I dunno.   But they say it’s because it’s healthier- in what way? I’m curious. Not to hate on them but as a meet eater is that something I need to know as an adult?  Everyone gets include, not one gets put ahead of another... and we move forward together or I hate to say it not at all.  The government shut downs are... not something that should be taken lightly.... and the fact that that’s even happening tells me that they just don’t want us to know what’s going on, or like... can you imagine other countries government shutting down.   Like, what the hell.   We look like fucking fools.    Damn.  I have friends I went to high school with that are still in uniform serving... I know they damn sure don’t think it’s funny.   Or maybe they live in a red state and that determines what news they get.  I dunno.  But our country was built on the idea of unions, and equality, and freedom to live a life as others live theirs... I’m so just honestly still shocked that I have let 5 years go by so quickly that I could cry.   But I can’t look back and I’ve been through a lot. But- once I’m able to actually accomplish something like- go to the doctor without someone knowing I’m going that doesn’t even know me.... or have a sense of security or.... I mean I literally just want to go to a bar but I’m terrified that they’ll be shut down or things will change after.  And that may be irrational to some.   But to people that know me o grave known me... if someone tired to help me in San Jose- or like go against the grain then bad stuff would start to happen to them.  It sounds awful... but it’s so true.  For example.... a store clerk letting a struggling person by a phone charger with food stamp money.... not a bad thing.   Could potentially save a life.   But then all kinds of Social (their kid getting jumped), the health dept and business licensing people finding all this stuff wrong with their establishment...all of a sudden (like on beauty shop), or just them getting anything negative other then praise for helping someone in need is what I’d want or ask for.   But- overthw last few years not what’s bappened. Imagine someone getting threatened after donating to your gofundme... or after giving you food or clothing.  This one person stopped their car, gave me a jacket because it was cold as I was sleeping on the sidewalk only to have the police pull them over a mile or so down the road and hassle them for no reason other then that.... crazy right?  Nope.  That’s what happened and might continue to happen.  Which is why I do what I feel I can do or is ok to do.... but also while having a lot of shit in the back of my mind even when I think of confronting someone who broke my iPhone charger or earbuds.   Because I don’t know even how to comprehend someone pulling my charger apart just to be mean...but it happened, twice, within two days... like what is that?  I may never know... but yes, I do feel a Democrat making life better will ease the tensions that cause those feelings to get back at or get even or to take from someone else.

They’re blocking me again or are being fooled.... I dunno.   But things circulate and get out there and around.  I just hope that one day I’ll be able to make sure that nothing like this happens to another soul or being.   Cause it sucks... I’ll be honest.  Thankfully- I was made for this.  Screenings are screenings if you’re a provider and aren’t screening people... if should be built into your co outweighed documentation system.  For you not to screen someone for testicular cancer or colon cancer at the ages or prevalence or before or when insurance will pay you to do so ought not be happening...  but they making less and might be working harder and I might not be at that age yet for any of that.... but a do some people hate the idea of Obama care.... and hopefully it’s not a provider.  But could be... just like an attorney may not like the idea of ‘financial hardship rates’ but guess what? That person/me doesn’t want to have those labels either. But, right now I do, in the past I haven’t, and in the future who knows.  But, my educated Caucasian, non Hispanic man who is gay self is not going to stand by and let others be harmed as I’ve seen.   I don’t feel bad, but I feel annoyed that I had such a misconception and so do a large portion of people I know.  A person having 100 misdemeanors is not a problem with the person... that’s a systems problem.  Period.  That’s like a kid that literally asked to be hit again and again after a parent has already hit them once or even warned them.  Like they Keep coming back for more? It’s like I’m the first person saying ‘I don’t get it...’

Monday!

I’m frustrated fool.  Let me say that I’m not even going to reach and say that all my struggles aren’t even just a... I found my self and my other half in California. I’m not saying you will also... but to my people in that little town with no traffic lights and only a four way stop sign... don’t be afraid that all the bad that I’ve gone through recently will happen to you.   Technically none of it started until people from my life in Alabama came to visit me or came to live with me. That’s crazy huh- naw fool, that’s the truth.  I think the secret is... if you move away from home... you go visit... they don’t come visit you.  I hate to say it but once I was rich and famous I was planning on moving my older relatives out here when they were at that point... through this I guess I now know who can come and who can’t! 

Girl, Iggy just asked if I could come and lay some pipe cause her shit leaking. Haha. Wow.  New favorite... 

This douche metro driver just ignored my little stop requested or acted like it was too late to stop.  I think he was thinking I didn’t pay when I got on the bus... you know just to be a great positive influence on the world. Well sir it wasn’t to late, I did pay as they have back door taps now (insert joke here), but never the less I’ll just go to my next destination and then double back to Trader Jo’s...  and then I missed the next one thinking it stopped right outside the market but alas... not so much.  I ended up in BH and since I am such a Thrifty Ice Cream fiend went to Rite Aid. It’s like- I know this sounds bad but you really don’t understand what or how much you pay in taxes until you have an ebt card. So if you get government assistance for food you don’t pay for bags is the main thing Ive noticed... but... I got a muscle milk and rockstar only to have to pay $0.10 out of pocket for some kind of tax.  I’m telling you our government is like NeNe Leaks.... very Rich Bitch!  

Did you know that Judah is a muni train in San Francisco?  I was like oh girl... i think that was the train I ran into this guy... well he ran into me... I thought it was his leg or something like someone bumping me to say hello... I turned around and he was like a foot from me... I look him up and down and he was like omg I’m so sorry don’t sue me.  Literally that’s the words that came out of his mouth. Can you imagine?  I felt awful.  I was like ‘aw you’re hung and rich and can’t even wear gym shorts on the muni...’ :( he was like, ‘omg you totally get me...? Marry me?’ I was like... ‘I have someone in LA I’m regrowing my virginity for... or else I’d hop on that.’   

Like- I know this is all my family... cause ain’t no body picking on me but them... like that kind of mentality. But- I’m honestly over it.  I’m telling you if I wasn’t so dead set on making sure that others don’t dead themselves because of shit like this I would have made their dreams come true along time ago.  Cause not gonna lie.  They’ve put me through hell. 

The housing I’m in is like an interim thing while I wait for the gov to get it’s shit together... Like, All these people I know have no trouble getting section 8 and housing and are like settled and buying furniture and getting ready to take a weekend trip somewhere cause that’s what you do when you have a safe place to call home and I’m at this place in south central LA- with billboards being put up about me saying ‘no gentrification!’, with this douche housemate that has broken three phone chargers and a pair of ear buds in three days (that’s not only a shit ton of money, but has such a hidden agenda behind it)... which has San Jose and my mom and dad and my dad’s alter ego person written all over it.  Total bitch moves. Like, lil bitch I’ll fuck you up. If I thought this person was doing it in their own accord... I’d totally handle it... and by guck you up I don’t mean in a physical manner.  Like, hitting and beating someone up is so dumb- that person still doesn’t really know what all the reasons are behind it. All that’s brought on is escalation.  But, I am not about to harm the messenger which is just doing it for the money or something like that... sounds crazy... but the gap between rich and poor makes it so these fat fucks have too much money and hate in their hearts... and are probably bored.  Instead of going to school or something awesome are reverting back to their childhood bullying days as an adult.  I’m serious... it’s awful cause the president simply is in this category... it’s like HELP!

Ps there are 13,000 kids in these god awful border camps.   So probably the 7 is actually probably 700 or 70!  They just moved some to Texas! They are going to be sex traffic the ones that are HIV negative probably. I say this because Hispanic men 13-20 ish are the ones being diagnosed the most as of right now!!!! Ashton Kutcher this is your and Cindy Biden’s time to shine!! 3, 2, 1, Go!