Is it pandemia or pandemic…
- It’s at the end, but the pandemic is still ongoing, so here is the assessment tool from my university that I may have already posted…. But in the best effort I can have- here it is again. Be well. And I’m working on quantifying my homelessness into a resume… to be continued…
- bit.ly/C19stayathome
- I don’t know what else to say… other then what I read feels different and last night I read that schools are trying to open in the Fall for in person learning- like, I could have cried.… I was told to diversify my education, go out and see the world and then learn while you’re there…and it is so important, but I don’t speak to how beautiful my campus was or how all of them are pretty much the same as far as aesthetics go. I don’t know how they do it, but they are all unique… I never once noticed when I was at university any one else really talking about it either, even when a quad came to being. If you don’t use it you lose it. And I believe that. If there aren’t people or student soon the corridors, who is? It wasn’t until I went to UAB’s website recently to see what they had to say about the covid-19 pandemic… that I honestly appreciated its beauty.
- It’s too scary to play with, to assume that it is an exercise of rights to wear or not wear a mask-i have been literally like laughed at. I don’t do the and very well meaning when I say but that’s not fair or that’s not how its supposed to be!- the to follow anddddd with the implication of that’s how its been, or what else is new, or the worst..what are you going to do about it… I applaud someone speaking to the issues and literally as someone who was rightfully turned away by a manager as soon as I hit the door a few weeks ago. I’m ok with it.
- I hate that I have to note the difference part but to my not is worse then behaving like it doesn’t exist. But, I concern myself when I know what that’s like. I know what what Is like? Being different? Being a female? Being a leader? Being a trusted person to do what’s right? I used to. I’m getting it back. I’m becoming again someone I want to be around myself, and it is not easy. Its a pain in the ass and I want to scream at myself when I don’t do my best. Or when I do something as a person who knows setups when I sense them and then allowing myself to compromise my sense of sense of self as well as anyone else involved- its like the damage or issue goes from one and one to like the 7 and 7 within a matter of a thought or moment, and to put that into my instincts and story or life is something that will be sensed or felt. Im not trying to take away from the store manager that turned me away but nevertheless ill say that again that is a type of courage I know nothing of… like, I have a hard time standing up to white people. Honestly, and sometimes like that day I was worried that if someone who doesn’t feel the same way I feel over heard or saw someone like that speaking to me in the direct way that is phenomenal trust I know, I have it when I need to as well. I was concerned that someone might call and bash- like in a bad way. All it takes is someone to call once and it mean something- so from me to that situation know that for someone like me who needs someone like me to be there from time to time at the right time to make sure that even though I knew I needed a mask and was looking for one and hoped that the store would have one- even with that, I had planned on being like, well no one has one, or see if maybe I could get my items and return back or that others were being allowed to do the same and then where would be? So thank you- if you were there you know the situation and I'm not calling to say oh I admire the difference for doing their job and shit like that- you’re enough, you don’t need me, but I did concern myself with the opposite of me… the person who stands up for someone who they identify with regardless of the injustice or issue. The pride if you will fo like maintaining is just so something that I am done with, never have been a part of, wanted to be apart of, and wasn’t ever taught. A lot of my greats or courage do that in a way- they speak to certain things and im sure they can feel my energy around it. But again, they do it anyways wether I like it or not. They do it I feel for a greater purpose than the two in the conversation or matter but for the overall collective. So know that I don’t approve or I don’t admire it- what is that crap anyways… but, should I need to speak those words to combat the opposite of me, don’t worry… I will be right there as the equivalent but with a difference of perspective or opinion or to be honest, bias or judgment, ugh, ugh makes me wonder how the collective even made it this far. You’ll see if you keep reading. Haha. Its like…
- Just to say, I did go to a different location, they did have a mask, I did purchase a coffee to make my energy better and glucose level and then I did feel better in my self- which I can be so fooled with. Trust, a little dreaming and a overall sense of internal phenomenal and I’ll literally forget that when I open my eyes it won’t be where I want to be, where I feel that feeling stems from, that the world isn’t perfect, that there is a pandemic, that I have a whole doubt of a situation to face- but, I ended up fine and I hope those involved or apart of did as well. If not eww let me find out. That’s again the worst- when someone uses me to then do harm or misguided good. Like, no. Im like, excuse me, I’m a *-word in select spots of a rainbow, not a cloud… *-word-er! Ha! No that’s just as bad.
- The blue rubber band is once for asparagus. But its used for me to me bring a behavior to my awareness and make me more mindful. Its worked in the past- I have it now for two things, when I have a totally negative thought or when I say something like a cuss word to reference a time period I know nothing about. I don’t know if tis because I was spanked as a child or what but please consult a mental health professional before doing so in or on your person and especially another. Omg- like I could set us back to pre Oprah don’t spank your children times and like, not in the literally very obvious manner but in a cognitive process or cognition and im like, again! Gay not gay not the issue but a rainbow! Rainbow! Clouds are for meteorology and cumulous and no! Rainbow! *-word.
- Since then I have (the wordiness I'm omitting is definitely being humanized… that whole upper section I didn’t even have until just now- like- *-word.. haha. But see, just as bad! And I’m going to be funny, and a good time and a straight up night mare- but the premise for all of this coming and trust its worth the attention to my words and not in and through sarcasm but with humanity and pandemia in the face of tomorrow and hope for us all. Literally from the two to up and down and asl[dnf[oiqwenf0 to then me and then without included as to see a different perspective.)
- I received the relief individual amount, people who don’t know, omg I’m so sorry and I swear I thought I posted it but if I didn’t or if you didn’t see it or hear of it- there is a none filers form on the Internal Revenue Service’s website that you can complete on an iPhone for sure as that’s what I used…. To either be mailed or direct deposited as I put my paypal! Seems like ages ago, and things are only going as fast as they are permitted… time gets away from me because here I am on a new Mac, on the light rail, (though now on my bed re-considering it all in this… haha) hoping that I mean something as that day I felt like I didn’t, then I felt like I did when shown kindness and in the form of a mask- it like gave me dignity when though I was quickly correcting my feelings and words internally I didn’t feel it from the outside world and that’s just how real I felt, and how though now I feel differently… its how important I think you are, not that you’re just enough, but that I hope no one else becomes infected much less leaves this earth from it. It is the most scary thing- and I have to say it before I give my hope….
- Please don’t make an issue though just to do so. I know who am I, but I am concerned and if I don’t say that I would lose respect for you if you screamed but I have rights misguidedly and I truly felt you were just being not a rainbow then I’m again, being the cloud- directly so… not even as a judgmental self proclaimed one but worse then that. To know better and to not be human and help another is something I know all to well- and will have to answer for… for another time.
- Yesterday I went to cvs- I was like ugh these have all been used and one is broken and like I’m saving them because I feel they are and are actually medical waste- oh, and British broadcasting corporation put it literally non-compostable. Meaning beyond durable as though they may be treated as biodegradable. They are indeed a biohazard beyond the illness they may contain having protected us and me…. So just to be precise…. I was able to purchase one. Thank you. So if I've been confused- I indeed have my proof of purchase to speak to the truth- I ain't trippin though they are quantified somewhere entirely but its nice to delegate that a but to fiscal and me situations.
- It is a current event I guess- I know this is stupid here comes the scary….
- but I didn’t realize the flu was a virus. I guess I knew that- but yesterday I looked online at the CDC and like the 1918 flu was bananas. 50 million people died worldwide and then 675,000 in our country died- how did they even survive? Im not tripping- like we are all purposed… in just a having survived then but we have only reached 5 million worldwide and around 90,000 in our country. Please please- find your own terms within this time as I did, you have to. If I contributed to some defiance, it’s because I was acting with self in mind and am in a weird place fo like a living situation and sometimes as soon as im told something that I internally feel a that’s not right feeling about, I have a almost compulsion to either get in line, or get it something as in the numbers and now are a luxury many don’t have and their families. Its not a luxury or opportunity- its a loss of life and not coming back. So a whole decimal place as in 1918 to then now…. A whole decimal place. Like I made it quantifiable that there were eleven between the total of the cares act and what the total as it is in my name actually rounded out to be… again. Yes money- and different reality as in access to information… but the opportunity is very absolute, or to me… just do your best to make sure that if I see you or anyone sees you that if I’m not on your level even in that moment that I then have a opportunity to be through your actions and life. Its a lot to ask- but right now all we have is each other… I can’t imagine my well being after 45 million more people world wide die, or if 525,000 more from our country or the states die… I cant imagine it. I can- in a literal way… its just the condition and remorse I’ll feel for ever playing with my purpose again and even though then it got me here, it is also a contribution to the actuality of the pandemic as well- io don’t get to pick and chose and even in the assumption of having an influence period is an injustice… but I know that in my life I have an influence as a law of nature… but more importantly so do you and I promise your influence on me is greater then my own….
- It doesn’t complete my thought process or make it more solid those numbers- it literally makes me want to ask someone who knows specifically how we got from there to here. Look online, or watch the about consumption movie…and then get back to present day…. Horse and buggy to Bentley.… I can’t even get over watching Catherine the Great on Apple TV and remembering oh yeah, they really did have glass and fountains then and that’s like way before that time-… glass so old in some of the houses still livable that its thicker on the bottom then the top in a window pane because the sand in the desert that’s always moving and the sand at the bottom of the ocean that’s always moving- just because sand is sand and we make it glass doesn’t mean it’s different in nature… it still knows its place!
- I was going to rewatch the Tutors but I was like, I have to move forward in thought and if it was thought provoking then, it would be now or it couldn’t be is that even a phrase… or it could not be… I just selected something that’s kind of the same though yes the setting is Russia and there is a woman in a position of power and there is slavery and war and all that is still modern day- literally go online and search modern slavery…. I was like, really.
- Literally Vogue has an entire section on their efforts to protect people from it-m I put them on blast all the time but its really Conde Nast who is the entity or something and none of you can be selfish enough to perish from this virus as I don’t even know what a trademark is… like, hello! Im serious! Don’t be selfish! Survive to tell me about it once it’s declared over as a pandemic or virus so that I know what a trademark and please know that registered means zilch to me in the same phrase…. Whats a registered trademark got to do with it? Excuse me there- you laughing, I'm not being funny,…. literally, I don’t know… I have no clue…. You're laughing at someone disadvantaged and now I have to call you a douche bag and not cognitive aware myself as you made me do! Seriously! And I’m asking how we survived or made it when clearly I’ve bene the one hiding under an alpha or something… …. … … … duh. :) I don’t know. Again. literally, just bare with me…
- So yes, its not that I don’t believe in modern medicine but it does make me think again that we are all here for a purpose- as I give my alpha a headache, or even an eye roll opportunity… 50 million people and then the great depression and then all this other stuff… what made me look it up was something from home and where I first was really like sacred, scared of yes an illness but somehow the stigma is in our DNA. It may show itself in different forms like the hunger pains do or have, and I don’t want to go there so im deleting some because its not an association that’s best or even educated or reasonable… but there is some mention to qr codes and the testing as well as the need for very strong wifi and also when and how often and saliva versus the other ones.
- Its no time to cut corners and I say I don’t know im not liable for that other then what’s within the subjectivity of others and me… but the Governor, President’s of the University sin which they are called to protect and ensure the values and integrity of are- just like the people on the news… I can’t imagine how they feel but I can’t want to take the doubt away more then I really do- because they have been survival for us all… could those numbers have already become repeated- could they have been better, could it have been prevented… all of you who think so walk to the bathroom and thump your forehead with your finger, index and thumb and make it count. Because that’s not cool… and to be honest who the off is to speak to that- not that I think things couldn’t have been differently what? Like they had an example to critique or be loud about? No. If you think you have that place- I dare ask if they were aware of what’s available in the same way… just because I’m in this position doesn’t mean I know what you know or think is basic…. But I have the position and ewwww … ok done..
- I will say that the 1980’s weren’t a crisis, well now isn’t… the 1980’s and San Francisco is a defined epidemic. Here’s more crap about- you know its bad when you’re me and even I’m impatient with myself…. But ok ok…
- Epidemiology- apparently it’s 2500 years old. like, 2500 years old. Like, b.c. is Hippocrates and hypocrite I don’t know- is that where it stems from?… alls I'm saying is that like… life is hard enough. There is no reason to hate each other and create injustice between )******* ok ok…. Here its coming…. one another or even within yourself as I see it….) one another or another and one like I see the world…. because I’m 0 or zero just saying… life is hard enough without one of us trying to or the other trying to and then back and forth… like, learning to ride a bike is hard enough!
- That’s it, I said it…. Learning to ride a bike is hard enough- I mean walking is a true not really going to hurt yourself within normal limits kinda thing. Stairs and brothers and alphas… all real challenges for me even now…. But! yes, it is hard enough and is what life is all about within the equivalents of a bike and the person..
- With or without training wheels. like, is there research there or not I don’t know… but I know that’s a true example to me that normal everyday ongoings of the world and is and isn’t fair depending on the developmental stage involved with the language and frustration communicated… lip, kick, toss, but mom! But dad! Stupid bike! Helmet all falling down over teary yes and red faces- don’t let me fool anyone. If I tried today that would be me. seriously, I avoid wheels outside of a car or bus for a real reason.
- Like lip or no lip and the helmet and the frustration of but it isn’t fair- don’t rebuttal with… yeah, well life isn’t fair! ew. Keep that somewhere vulgar. … A true life is that being the unfair or unfair portion of me as a kid learning to ride a bike and no, no one really taught me… I literally just took off on it after leaning how to do so with a friend and then of course it became unfair and fair and all of that within the backyard of my home as a kiddo the moment a parental turned their back. There was a curve around a tree and the fence and like it was so fun the first quarter turn and then splat. like, couldn’t even make it two feet after. I was the maddest young enough to just be learning how to ride a bike person on the face of the earth. I was straight up afronted…. I might have even peed on it just cause.
- Does it need any outside influence? No. It doesn’t. It does not. The fair part is the unfair part of just an occurrence that isn’t an accident but a life lesson of riding a bike… can any of that be taught outside a kid learning to show off and then teach and re-do and show and then keep watch over a larger group or be the one to make everyone wear helmets or then make sure the ramp is sturdy enough to support the others and takes a responsibility for it outside of being apart of the group? Can that be recreated or taught? Is that even a rational thought or statement…. No. It’s just life. Not even a life lesson but I’ll reach a bit… like, I even know what that means… adn I’ve said it… when I am watching something to see how a situation is when I think its truly just not a rainbow but a cloud…. ‘learning to ride a bike is hard enough- do we really need to make it within that as it pertains to each of us any more difficult?!’
- I don’t think so-
- 1.4 and 1.4 in two minutes, for two days in a row! And even the bike be like- ummm no one to hop on- are you kidding me?! That whole scenario from what I know to be the worst so far in the states would need four minutes to be realized and then noticed to be those days. Three people…. And I was incorrect…. 4.2 minutes for three… so in three minutes it would be the someone and someone with a bike, someone watching and then just the bike in less than 5 minutes.
- Literally again, say anything you want…. But that’s life at the hardest I ever want it to be in the future… It just happens. Its precious, scary, frustrating as life can be when you’re thinking that you are not enough as I thought I was not enough and then after carefully considering the bike as the problem and realizing again that it was me and tossing it a few feet and then crying over realizing I was the problem but possibly the first time I’ve ever taken three deep breathes and picked myself up and just got out of the feelings or self and created my emotions over there and me and the bike here… that can’t be taught or even brought about… it can only be supported… supported from human to human… we are literally holding the world together and in a sense I hav not say my space is mine… get your own… I have six feet as a me to six feet diameter… not radius. A radius would be me in the center… with three and three totaling six. That’s incorrect. I am sorry. Its like you get your six feet as do I…. And I am physical distancing which isn’t meant to be antisocial… you can get sick from staying your house. Im not being reckless, but some people are scared to open their blinds, use their air circulation, open their eyes, or even step into sunlight. And sunlight kills the virus- please don’t think I’m being an asshole but I will say that to be generous with physical space as well as apply the same to the world and and another and what you’ll be tolerant of. Not lying, if I thought people tolerated me before the pandemic.. the selfishness is like beyond that when I’m in line or at the market…. seriously. The interpersonal space or like the benefit of the doubt or I hate the word patience…. But the degree to which I accept the imperfections of the less than five minutes above should be acknowledged as well. Please do not finger point with the accusation that had it been twelve feet between you and I physically that things would be different. If you do that, or feel that, please remember that energy is driving our survival…. It is. good energy and mindset from me to you is absolute. Even if you think I wouldn’t like you or don’t like you… allow me the opportunity to take that off your hands in the future because I have a tendency to just be me. please, hold the accountable accountable if its there- that’s good energy, and time and place specific to the ones it applies but I hope that its done in the proper manner. And by that I mean in the most thought provoking way of chain of command or outside the media or news before its proven or verified that there was a mistake. Otherwise- its slander, or libel, and could yes, get a lot of attention and coverage but hype like that isn’t setting a good example- if I messed up I would want the opportunity to speak to it in the public and to the public first. It is not my position to say that in the way it is for others affected by this… but, I hope that with all this and in all this that if I say that’s what I feel is best for closure and the world… dare me to say it on an unperson level because I might not. Honestly, here I feel like I can because I’ll be heard, but in life and in a real person to person confrontation like with someone wanting answers… I have to remember that the bike and the person are enough and even in supporting that situation I could be harmful. So- I'm not hiding behind keyboard courage or taking a stance- but with all that people are facing I hope that its as best it can be. This is what law and/or the law is all about… its at times like this and of times of best to nurture and support…. Even if times are best, there isn’t complacency…. There is always action. Ok ok, go back to socrates and hypocrites or whoever—- maybe then law could sit back and chill at the stellar job… but there are just too many people already gone for that and if you’re hopeful for what I am that no one else gets the virus and leaves the earth…. I hope that if you learn people are still and continue to be that it's not you or me… but, that is your best and my best and can translate into our actions… but that your best is enough, without it it could be worse! Or unchanged or…. I hope I never see a pandemic or epidemic again. Its too literal and hard…. I don’t walk around directly hoping that today in the world there are no car collisions or deaths… I do, but not so precise and literal as I am with this. Parents or people as a whole… what would I do without you. Or what would the world be without you. I just have me to worry about…. That’s easy. I have my friend duh. And right now its hard enough. I said some stuff last night that even I was like- lemme go get a scope of ice cream. Waking up crying and stuff thinking that a nightmare or bad dream was real… spshshhhh…. I had to move out of that one real quick.
- Less is not more, and more is not less… but truth, knowledge, and the freedom of information act and allove that is a guard against me like turning into that person at the market I labeled as pride mismanaged ok. I’m for real though. And I’ve felt insecure in a way over feeling that there is something im not being told- and if you feel that way give it up to me or place it on my burden of the situation because I have a assessment or survey from my university. It’s thorough- very thorough. Like, if there is insecurity or doubt or something… I invite you take it. Its at least twenty minutes and I do have permissions to share it with friends and social media. So here. It's for everyone and if I don’t share it, the effects could be…. Well luckily, here… all of that trippin is alleviated. Its a pandemic, if nothing else… its a way of getting the fear or worry out and into the hands of real real real real legitness. Yes, of course I did. Its the first one I think. I love the apple one. And all the ones I’ve taken… but the UAB one below is my foundation. My absolute. If someone ever again still wants to know where I come from I can now show them with real truth… yes the town I grew up, the walls that sheltered me, but the people, educators, the people that are my courage and purpose, and then all of that is at UAB….however, there is where I found myself in others and was very much my adult version of learning to ride a bike, and then comes nursing school, where I got my first scholarship- imagine money from a family or in the name of someone who believes in me and I’ve never actually met them? I applied thinking that at least I can say I tried… ha, I'm still shocked to defense mechanism it rather than just say I was humbled by it. I never knew that until then- not only the support, but the being believed in. So believe me when I say if nothing else there is opportunity to vent or communicate your take on the pandemic….really that’s all it is… its a chance to also be apart of the decision making and to give input on the way things are communicated around it- as well as how they have been. I don’t want to ruin it- as in the surprise. Until, tomorrow hopefully- im just trying to be respectful of the virus… someone told me once they don’t fear this or that, they don’t disregard, or acknowledge…. but, they do respect it. Addiction, talent, health, money, a friend… it's all the same in a way… if you respect something, then what can be other than your best? If I respect something, then what can be but my best.
- bit.ly/C19stayathome
I know its so long! But please, no matter what… remember that I care, I promise. If you feel alone, I care… or that no one cares, I swear I do…. Come find me, we can chat though no promises as to what kind of trouble we might get into...
tomorrow is a landmark...
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