Please, hurry- time is life!

Ugh- what if...

So, my heart is full... and I don’t know if i can use that term in a bad way but like...

• Ha- leave it to me to be possibly being put in the jail house and sitting here worried about situations of others.  But this is a pandemic- a public health emergency and what if this is the last time some of these people in jail would ever get to see their loved ones before being put in the ground or being cremated?  
• Ewww let me find out!  Actually no I don’t need to because I’m listening to it. Like the district attorney he like throwing out slang terms like she from somewhere thats out of a movie!  
• Ewww you bring up my domestic issues from yet another broken system of a neighbor or someone else finding out that the person is fine af and wants to... ew no!   I’m pissed!

Omg!  They recalled it!  Omg!   Feel better. The struggle and the nerves...

The systems not only are rigid and present... but damn, they don’t even get a long or like really like each other. I’m sure there is animosity of all sorts!

• But I didn’t get locked up!  That’s fantastic!  I’m so thankful and like what the eff- was I so worried about... like my whole situation is ok now.  Thankfully!  Like, it was a real challenge and my public defender handled it all- as in did what she said!  Like it was terrifying- truly!  I get scared walking into building that I can’t readily get out of!  That’s the truth though! 
• It doesn’t get any better then an entity that you’ve had the misfortune to now mistrust because of the maybe this is where that assumed cliche comes or came from... like, assuming makes an ass out of you and me!  So assuming that you can trust the public defenders office would.... anyways- good news!  I’m not in jail, she didn’t lie to me,  I walked in and walked out with....

This is the vip and the last for now and is a joint commission or maybe third party on a national level task and is imperative and please... do...

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• wwww people are not dumb... the us doesn’t have to be the one that because they friend fell down so now everybody crying... waaaaaahhhh waaaahhhh effing boomer attention seeking news article be like oh the us has tha most!!  Cool. But per capita... meaning like in Latin in the 17th century... do you know what they did? Or decided... sir... but sirrrr, sirrrrr my hand waving as per this little virtual meeting room with the button... sirrrrr- yes? But sir, was it... oh you’re the attorney in the room stfd I dunno was it argued, dang I think possibly debated or considered with some of this and some of that in a collaborative effort but.... so wayy- remember our laws are based on the Latin meanings of words... so that’s the new new from the ancient... like the us has the most deaths, cool.... but people arent stupid and like the are you smarter than or... are you as smart as... I dunno.  But per capita.... like even the third grader or 1st grader is like duh!   Reading level and concepts... something like per capita isn’t too much to conceptualize and yes depending on the words used could become so... but like Oprah said this one time, they tell you your feeling it, we’re all feeling it, and then the way in which it’s all thrust into your being and lives... in that economic time and then the one we are approaching or in combined with the lives being lost everyday... there is no reason to make this seem worse then it is or with the ‘ego-centric American’ derogatory term used to describe our way of thinking (not a person to person fault... ) as evidenced by the article titled something around US death toll highest in the world!  Well, that’s not a realist number or stat and isn’t true. Not as in false... but a true well rounded all encompassing statement... I’m not trying to win but to falsely put our country at the top like that article does when on a per capita level we may not be... then eventually in the most or best or true way to look at these numbers we might be- I wish no one was gonna be- but that’s not realistic.  Like; the drama is being lived through breath to breath in varied ways, intensities and expressed uniquely throughout... so when people have a moment to make them selves aware... please let it be in the best way.... per capita is a term that means a value like death toll or loss of life as it relates to the total population. So like if one million people and five hundred thousand deaths in one country.... that would be half but if five hundred and 1 thousand deaths and five million in the population then that’s like one tenth of that population.... if they had 2.5 million out of 5 million total then that would be one half.  I’m endorsing a bit but our world in data is a .org I just used to look at some of the number and per capita the UK or EU is the darkest/worst possible out of the world and then the states as a whole is a bit lighter.... if you think the worst the worst... I dunno but yes, we have it as bad as what our living experience is at this time, but in a realistic perspective and actuality there is a whole generation in some countries that aren’t breathing because of covid-19/the coronavirus. I think synonymous might be ok to use here. It’s like For example a medication has two names and kinda three... the brand name or the trade name/trademark name are the same and then there is the generic name of the same medication...so maybe not in the best example but the brand name and the trade name are the same or synonymous with each other... do people already know this?  Oh and then since all the legalities convolute our lives in this example and in the press and world of the lives that the information can be life saving... the trade name is a round about way of saying the trademarked name I guess that’s more synonymous... so covid-19 and coronavirus are the same and are synonymous in that they both are interchangeable and I don’t know... I don’t know... it’s like the digressions are ok sometimes right?  Because we don’t need to be the worst we need to be the most legit.  I realize not everyone being military means ‘we don’t know for sure’ but everyone knows that ‘we know, oh we know... but we can’t say we know we know because then a legal mind may get rich quick going... but sirrr, sirrrrr, but sirrrrr ima be rollin to the bank like you rollin your eyes because wait sir, how’d you know?!!’  Don’t cover you ass in regards to the truth government... the truth, the most accurate up to date data and then combed through as to the legalities of the... now I’m a victim of that system twice- criminally allegedly and statistally statistical data reported speaking as already filtered so that that whole ‘but how’d you know... and some babbling buffoon yelling with decor from some courage in the form of a ‘but that’s against my rights statement....!’  SDASTFU! Like, not reporting numbers because we aren’t really supposed to know but know and then the cover up of that- cover people in information like that will protect them and make all of this better. Covering someone in knowledge is synonymous with protection... ok so prrcapita and the .org from above we about scary... like we’re bad but there are a hell of a lot worse... that article about we the worst may bring about the fuck-it’s going on a shopping spree all day spreading death like it’s every bodies business... but being that it’s a pretty level playing field as in a the worst a week ago have gotten even more worse and that’s reflected in the per capita numbers v the total number of deaths that doesn’t factor in out of what the total before the first death in that country was... like- I may forgo the purchase of deodorant today and rely on a frontline worker like a minority or non-white human being to on a not one but several of those hunan beings being the way for it to come from the purchase via phone and my in my room under a roof to the door/my hand.... 
• I’m riding this soap box them I’m done.... because I’m pissed and angry, fuck crying  and being sad like I’ve been before, but those same people live in an area that’s of a greater distanced more challenging more risky of contracting the virus as in a public transit or not a Bentley’d commute from work to home without the means to protect the vulnerables/loved ones they go to work everyday for all ewww let me find out some fat ass rich heartless person has been in an intensive care bed for the duration so far with some fake as diagnosis or out of pocket daily and five days in advance stay on a just one case or preimtive thinking or a well hell if I get it the. Theoretically me, a white male gay indigent could be in that bed on a ventilator before the person I described out of character for me in a way but that’s evil and I, as a person am demanding that there be an evaluation of every single person admitted to an inpatient bed in every inpatient care setting in our country starting as soon as possible. Time is life and interventions are not enough, it’s taking early early interventions that the delivery person because of the working hours, the commute home, the process of acknowledging the symptoms and accepting them and then actually getting into care and being taken care of related to the access of care or lack there of as is a hugeeeeee issue clearly through out our country... and that’s a sentinel event in my professional opinion. Especially if there isn’t a ‘grand rounds’ of sorts done with every patient evaluated because technically no coronavirus patient confirmed, suspected or unconfirmed or incoming type of inthe process of should have oh and then there is a believed to be label also... none of that should have gone into any inpatient care area in the first place...  But I don’t shoulda woulda coulda cause our facilities are built for that already so I’m being ‘not knowledgeable about....’ but have people in those beds as inappropriate admissions or an inappropriate admission day or whatever... or a fudged acuity based hositia stay or icu stay or all of that’s done and evaluated every eight hours just so y’all know... so if someone is admitted or in obs (odservation) waiting for a bed or whatever....please, please, please... for the delivery or front line worker doing their best, for me, for your soul and own well being of the universe, and for the what’s right... please make sure that for rught now in this moment and those to come on whatever daily type evaluation that’s hopefully made known on the national news that every patient bed is being used to its fullest and in time of crisis best most limit pushed potential because I’m a nurse and if a person gets to walk out alive a nurse will work at a speed and efficiency that will revolutionize the industry and have some stellar new grads being game changers and rockstars in their units in an ‘all of a sudden’ manner.  Oh all of a sudden you staring IV’s first try, first time, as a first ever trying student- dang!!!! Pretty cool.  Excise me, mr surgeon general, hospital admin, doctor, rn, person, family member- be apart of that and not an obstacle!  Please, for others and yourself.... and that’s from an accountant that witness all of that stuff to me just being a person who gets real information and news delivered in the best way possible... 
• I love you
• I’m not scared of but am in a way of what’s and what i feel is senseless... someone dying because of access to care in the land of opportunity in the year 2020 ad is just sentinel.  Especially when the news has the audacity to speak to minority death rates and senseless death rates and that they’re your frontline from bedside hospital to bedside delivery of Amazon products et al thennnnmn a white persona success story of a admission to vent to experiential success story and source of hope recovering fully from this virus off the vent and recanting her lived experience was and is and doesn’t have to continue to be a source of ‘doesn’t apply to me or mine’ et al as some may be mad as hell.... I’m so happy she contributed her life to research and she lived and is apart of others living.... but please do what’s needed to make sure that her contribution and others and the research and everything touches as many lives as possible.  I bet that white be having an attorney—- let that person find out they risk and act of yes saved her but could have killed her instantly decision to take an experimental drug or pharmaceutical isn’t being used to its fullest potential because of a fat ass (not literally  but like deragatorial way of describing someone committing a crime in my eyes) taking up an icu bed that isn’t sick but have lived a life of nothing but that type of life based on those types of decisions.... betta start rounding!!!

Thank You.  Truly if you make $1 billion per year as a frontline worker at this time you’re working for pennies because a life is priceless... so thank you. (Yes, I’m teary eyed and it’s from hope, heros and (anger related to some of this information and the way it’s being presented..) so- that’s my responsible consuming blog post for now.... thank you thank you thank you!   

I love you (say it don’t blog it... I’m going to do better... I’m going to do my best)