Hi!
I am unavailable though I’m sending my love! (Not a person, but good productive energy!). Don’t worry though, I’m literally not really able to go out or around anywhere. My ‘ocular syphillis’ titer went up, normally a 1:2 or 1:4 now to a 32... so I’m an a series of IM Antibiotics and the same reason I can’t make it to the meeting today is why I missed the meeting and I’m sorry... I wish it was ‘drugs’ or something like that... I’ve worked on that and been very successful... Things were still the same on a very obvious level- or to me anyways. If things haven’t been to you all then I’m thankful... but, ‘when you go places things change- (not necessarily for the good), ‘things changed after I met you and not for the better’, ‘literally, when you go places it gets hotter (like sunlight? Or? I was ditched before that question was answered), ‘I don’t know why you’ve got your headphones in, we have your phone,’ ‘’don’t come here again’ (because the people that you bring with you... and I’m in a city where I know one maybe two people... I’m like I’m not bringing anyone with me!), or the behaviors of others towards me as they know it’s me causing the deviation from what’s normal (West Hollywood, Beverly Hills, Santa Monica, the libraries, markets, the traffic in the places I slept or sleep even now, mind you I only frequent these places at random- I don’t have a job or set schedule... planning these or setting reminders makes it so me doing so and commenting to my self ha- gotcha and then going back to sleep... or, the traumas I’ve experienced just in the six or seven ‘free’ phones I’ve had stolen, the four apple devices before that, the all of a sudden texts, emails, phone calls, notifications, actual knocks on my door, or people calling my name either around my house, in public, or on the metro that seems like conditioning or something.... the beats big ass headphones show the reality I’m speaking to... or just the eye roll or whatever energy that is a suggestive... like the bus driver waiting at a stop a little to long in a way of not getting on time with the schedule but to prompt me to ‘oh my stop!’ and even the ‘oh gotcha’ situation that happened the first meeting at st Anne’s I attended and had me so stressed and sweaty that I didn’t want to attend- but wanted to turn around and go home... but I didn’t do so, I attended and probably embarrassed myself or gave people the catalyst they needed... and please don’t act as though this isn’t a possibility... if it is out of your realm of reality or experience- your feelings of doubt or misplaced curiosity are valid, but so are mine. I shouldn’t give someone the opportunity to look in my bag but then the ‘way does he take that everywhere with him’ either was because they wanted to peek, or could also be the reason for the peel.... the patience to wait is appreciated as others have utilized guns, fists, golf clubs or the power of suggestion to peek... usually my vital documents or records travel with me, because they are hard to obtain, mailing address, the not showing up, the theft, or random mishap... not something I want to live through again after already doing so enough to have a pretty well rounded perspective of what has affected me, and contributed to my issues and their advancements. Like, someone saying don’t care if you cause traffic, don’t give a eff about if you’re going somewhere you’ve only been once or twice and all of a sudden the two times you’ve been on that line there was a electrical problem or ‘random act’ that caused everyone to get off the train and find an ulterior route... making everyone delays or inconvenienced.... and not only am I not that inconsiderate... but I’ve been used and used for others peoples gain, from flying over a billionaires mansion as a ‘opps thing’ but really planned thing by someone, not the pilot but the ‘my dad, the others uncle- or someone that’s not supposed to do things like that,’ or people going into a store with me literally either trying to frame me a ‘boosting shot caller or organizer or something- as that’s how much was stolen not by me, and then all the fingers that pointed at me... and the multiple attempts, the my mom and family working with the man who basically had me trapped in a location- like, if I wasn’t there I’d get arrested... kept happening until I starting taking shit to jury trial and being away or spending thirty or so day’s in jail, or being arrested at the library when I was late to meet him, or the message right when I was in the best thought process that was on point and not to far one way or the other of ‘come over,’ oh and not to mention the actual intent of extortion, and my parents crafty-ness of then him working for them., not to mention just the bus driver changing the route, not caring about the two people like me but not associated with me getting off the bus, rolling the their eyes as a used to this behavior from the driver or drivers, the two observes that were ready, and me asking- this is a ‘xyn-right?’ And the cutting off my statement with a ‘yeah, but I didn’t change it’ I’m like, I didn’t say you did, and I see how to some I may be saying the pot holds water when I’m the kettle and do as well.... but, the I’m trying to save time and energy- being efficient versus or v. the person who is informed or doing something not nature or were told to do or feel guilty of... there is a difference. (Just Incase- statement, fact, supported by hopefully IRB research but I can’t speak to that for certain. But, international research board... is where medical research is approved, validated, and monitored, and either rejected, stopped, approved et al.). Anyways, back to my eyeball... the infection was found during a scleral buckle placement (No no not chronic pink eye but another barrier to life) after a detached retina after the first time I had been punched (attacked almost killed) as an adult (dropping a gun thank goodness or possibly it going through a cars window upon picking it up or retrieving- missing me) in the eye with a device or ring or brass knuckles in Hancock park caused a retinal tear... the infection required 20 some odd days of acyclovir and PCN G through a picc line, spinal tap, and the two revisions of such surgeries I’ve had (don’t question me please, as one was while incarcerated after a wrongful arrest in pan pacific park) has required the series of abx. So, I am there in sprint I promise- and also as a testament to literally receiving ryan white services since being diagnosed... in and out of care as a result of hknelsssness and incarcerations and theft- in San Jose I didn’t go and get only to be stolen from and develop resistance... also, why I do not approve of a depot regimen (or at least not in the homeless community but also in general) because the theft of medication then goes away and so does a pathway for communication of the severity and dept and dire needs and suffering of people. It’s stupid that I have numbers like I have and the documentation of an paper trail and no one is listening therefore no one cares... and I got a real one of strains and a doctor was fired in the same way in regards to saying ‘well, you don’t have the killer strain’ much like my mom says ‘you’re not adopted.’ I’m on two meds- have almost normal cd4’s of an un-compromised immune system... and in part because I’m educated. Though, someone informing me that not taking meds, having an aids diagnosis which I’ve had twice while surviving through this nightmare I could get as a means of being approved for ssdi/ssi and doing so only to not go to appointments to then get word that the current administration wants to retest or revalidate hiv/aids persons and their current ssi/ssdi, and resuming my regimen has my pharmacist not happy, some in tears (or at least in my head maybe so- I hole someone cares that much, but if not on earth, I know for a effing fact in heaven!) is something that I cannot stand for. If it’s only me- then that’s enough! This isn’t researchable because of the in and out of care but once that with housing (and what I’m in now isn’t working for me- however, at my own fault- not of the entity! Me saying that and me being here is compromising or maybe speaking to more issues to be revealed... they can’t find out... so they ‘undercover’ people to find out... or a snake skin was found in my kitchen... yes, some of us remember dark times... or were told about them in a this is what’s part of our history... yes, a certain type of housing for people... my body and mind want to recover and process and prosper...and be there at the meeting and it’s something positive if it’s a stressor for another their feelings are valid for them... as I have to make this better or be like a living amends or something... I sent a photo of the standards for financial assistance to someone and shouldn’t have. As, I don’t trust anyone and the suffering and damage and harm me and et al have caused.... like, what I did was enough... but then came the ones that are supposed to be my safe place... parents, family, et al. Like, I was charged with a higher felony for biting an officer who hadn’t identified himself because I couldn’t breathe. And then I think of aids/hiv and people being forcefully thrown from their homes without even possibly clothes on their backs in the streets and fighting tooth and nail in absolute terror- back to the financial assistance photo- it said something like, I can’t make it up to you, but I can attempt to make it better for others, and I’m sorry- I didn’t even know this exists back then... however, that’s why I thought a name change would be in order or why I was speaking to me not being seen in the parameters... and why I’m glad privacy was brought up... it isn’t anyone’s business... I, wanted and would have once I had processed and accepted but- to say I still haven’t done that... I told the person but we didn’t discuss it... so I want to be there and when I speak to my situation of just walking around the block- this is why. I sleep, and dream of helping people... literally, running through code events in order to be better for the next... or give my self that third person perspective... I do that while awake in away now and not when I sleep because I’m not trying to have the suffering of people silenced- I will never harm myself, and just in case someone says differently it’s either a very specific situation (which I’ve had nightmares over and possibly spoken about out loud but in private- so....).. I’m not guilty or whatever, im efficient, a bit annoying to some and preemptive in a way that I hope is applied to every effort... because reactions to situations aren’t ever known- but with planning, anticipatory, and proactive leaders the reactions or results are expected. Without enough support and information and open minded thinkers... it’s not a well rounded effort... it does good, but people have been, are, and are not to be left out of the efforts because human suffering and unknowns are like the rebound effect of four... the good is outweighed by this suffering at least four fold. Taking an appetite suppressant and then discontinuing it leads to no suppression of said appetite by four fold... same with any drug... it’s your body that suffers from the unknown information just like in politics or life. You can’t be held responsible for information you don’t know when your making decisions- this said by a former Secretary of State and national security advisor in reverence to September 11th, 2001. Once again, im either seen a type of way, maybe another... but, not allowing anything I’m apart of, or doing my best, to not be used as another’s excuse for knowing of something, closing it to the solution, and then claiming ignorance when the results are... Deficient or ‘just not not helping’ or something that’s going to make another feel as though they aren’t doing enough or aren’t enough... that plus the result they desired equals... the ‘in reverence to and not the reference to September 11th, 2001. Opportunity for some has I feel lead to straight up being calculated and closed minded... closed minds are antiquated minds. Going back before you go forward, yes some cars do so... and aren’t supposed to especially in an automatic... cause that is harmful to your transmission, and is or could be used in causing harm and not recovering to go forward.., not everyone has had the opportunity to be aware of those factors... but could still be a victim to the results... and history does repeat itself until it’s learned from... just for example- another one that’s mine... I didn’t learn to read until the first grade in a public school, the church I lived at showed me what the Alaphabet was so when asked I couldn’t say I didn’t know about it, because orphans don’t have parents that pay taxes and weren’t eligible to attend public schools- I wasn’t allowed to fall victim to another’s opportunity... my version of Dr. Maya Angelou taught me to read with others sitting beside me so I wouldn’t feel distracted or in trouble- creating an environment built around efficiently and everything great. I literally don’t know for a fact but I hope that when I went to a community center in a neighborhood that buses still may not even travel through as a student nurse got to then educate about sexually transmitted diseases because they wanted to be able to do their very best at being primary parents because... lack of opportunity, and another’s ignorance or intent to cause harm by saying no or voting no or decisions have them no choice- my words not theirs. Their faces literally gave me light in the darkness of ignorance a professor to say ‘oh, you have no idea...’- I don’t even remember what we as a clinical group educated them about (I just remember the glowing faces of the women there...and it’s so out of date now that the affordable healthcare act has hopefully given them and their grandchildren and great grandchildren what we all should have had the opportunity to do for ourselves. I hate it- not only the attempts to try to repeal the aca, but, the thought and mind of another and the incorrect way of thinking. Those women and everyone deserve the opportunity to have an educated, licensed, healthcare team inform them of the best way in which to care for another and themselves... the ACA, the president that drafted its existence, and the House of Representatives that passed it at one hundred percent- the senate had already informed it supporters of their intent to hold it up for who knows how long... the poetic justice of them not knowing their job, the law, and the world in which they are mean to lead...made it so it skipped the senate completely and went into immediate affect! And then, one Senator’s courage in the efforts to repeal with a thumbs down... Senator McCain was the deciding vote to not repeal this... even though he may have had to do some thing he had never once even as a prisoner of war ever done- to lie to someone’s face...I don’t know it is was a lie at the time or not because some technology is very advanced... a testament to a stellar leader and.. the universe cause I guarantee you he did not do any thing not becoming of an officer or a gentleman. People are not bad, it’s just the walls we out around ourselves and others. I don’t know, but thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I started this as ‘a circumstance’ to me, ‘excuse’ to another maybe, and this is what it became. All true. All factual... and about to be a blog as well.
Literally as I was typing or writing it on my phone... I swear three sentences up the autocorrection had some words... I dunno it was different so... if it’s a bit un-edited seemingly... it wasn’t as bad as it is now possibly. Fact.
Oh and not my professor that I love... all of you rest assured that your gut is being tropic fed by pharmacokinetics and ask the dietician for clarification. Did you now some drips are fat emulsified to keep ones gut alive... and to think I’ve advocated for when it was being provided I just didn’t know. See, a light in ignorance. ;) Just in case... thank you!
