Thank you though!...

On Thanksgiving... Thank you for...

The price cuts... I know people who literally purchase presents for the entire year... birthday, Christmas, like- clothes... some stores aren’t so seasonal, waiting all year and saving because their crock-pot broke three months ago and that’s a phenomenal way to gourmet the worst/cheapest pieces of meat... or soups, and vegetables, or like whatever else... seriously... gear for athletics, underwear.... 

It’s like preparing for game day- and a competition hopefully like a non-violent one... I know, those stampedes at Walmart are really just a parent trying to make a laptop happen for kiddo this year as, last year I didn’t wake up early enough or someone just wanted more then I did (not really but... the lengths one will go to depend as she said it was...) either way- after last year not having one under tree and that was the item that as a parent I felt and could we it actually being the catalyst or spark or like... the reason homework could be fun, and shit college isn’t cheap. So this year, it’s happening... last year we were newbies and didn’t journal or think of taking notes about the year before until someone say me crying and offered that to comfort me.  The good thing is that sometimes it sucks... the whole internet thing... it shows what’s available at what price and isn’t always true or is a bit misleading... I can hide a newspaper and the ads and it’s all the reason to have a big holiday get together so that the kids can money market themselves and the parents can game plan. Like where to park, what roads are timed traffic lights, successes, failures, busts... waking up at 3am the day before Black Friday and remembering to pack a propane heater cause it was cold last year!  What food to pack- etc. people can get that relatively easy- food banks, esp if you have a family, a kitchen, a friend and their family that are vegetarians cause my family likes meat.  So thank you.  Like- some people live in neighborhoods that amazon doesn’t deliver to for whatever reason and that’s if someone utilizes a bank or has a bank card cause just like with me and the government just taking money out of my account, without my knowledge and notifying me after the fact... I was incredibly fortunate to have had random sh just ‘hit my account’ so luckily they got only $1.42... making my account zero... that was a few months ago... that account is closed now again not my choice... but not much is when the options aren’t options but are choices made by someone else for you to then... it’s not a decision at that point but a... I guess I just pick and that’s if there are two selected choices for me to pick from. But, because of the sales and door busters and love and hope for the future and planning and effort and love (yes, again love...) family’s or a single person can do the most with what they’ve saved, and done without in order to do so... so that no matter what has gone on or what is ahead... in that moment or moments (thank you..) people get to feel special or important either by what they receive or what they get to see someone else receive.   It’s not that it’s a materialistic thing... but I wasn’t surprised with a trip to the spa when I was younger, and like didn’t ever get anything extra or anything present wise other then Christmas.  It’s the only time when even though I had picked out the clothes usually or knew what I was getting... it was that I actually got it.  So yes, I knew it was coming... but I swear there is something about having something you want but isn’t something (god I hate this fucking word...) that can be afforded any other time but Christmas and the door buster thing I didn’t know existed until high school and then of course I was like ‘what the hell?!   Let’s go!?’ And then we went either that year or the next... yes, at 5am!  I’m not saying anyone has to feel bad or should and I’m not giving you permission for that.  But, I do give you permission, to know that literally people plan for this or add to the Black Friday list for 365 days previous, to be in the moment and thankful for either making those sales happen, or for the person that gets up early, the workers, the pre- preparation that happens for months (I have indeed worked retail for the holidays a few times!) before, giving someone the presents, and also if this isn’t something you know anything about as I know people that are just as appreciative for what they get and are, i hate it again, afforded those random

Gifts or surprises- just know that the effort and the love and hard work, I believe is still there... (I say all this just Incase someone wants to try to make me

Out to be an asshole... which I’m not...) like, someone get a computer someone gets a Mercedes or honestly- just the time with someone... the love and effort and sacrifice is still there... and thanks to merchants et al... (I don’t know how much of the sales are like, reimbursed for- someone knows I’m sure... I feel that it’s stores that see the areas and see the other areas and made the decision to possibly do something under the governments radar or as a spur of the moment kind of thing as- damn all the areas got it bad, oh hey, ok... let’s do this, nation wide shhhhh... then it’ll be oh my bad, well, false advertisement is a hell of a thigh and so just this year... I’m sorry mr/ms... anyways, and it was such a gold thing that it’s what it is today. Thank you... it honestly makes people’s lives better and could be that spark to help someone make better grades, for me- it got me those clothes that made me feel more confident and comfortable in my own skin that until I got a job and paid for myself came once a year- and in high school and in life period that’s so important... or for me it was. For some it’s the new cook wear to make dinner for their family (and of its the new cookware or just the motivation behind it or ease of clean up etc... it makes lives better), nonprofits can provide more quality and quality, teachers purchase items for their classrooms or nicer pens and highlighters.... shit for some it’s the only time when there’s a dedicated for sure (kind of) opportunity- like as it pertains to work, online shopping, sales, availability, and family time to assess and argue/plead your case for extravagance or like, even just the bonding and growth and energy that comes from it. I mean, every little bit helps... but the opportunity for people to get to... like, how do I put this?  How many arguments can be traced back to money or finances or poverty?  How many divorces? How many sleepless nights? How many dv cases?  How many misdemeanors, felonies, loss of lives, prison terms, need for self preservation or need for coping or like the need for a drank... or multiples and then....all of that doesn’t go away... but the sales and relief that comes on the day after thanksgiving does more then what’s reported or broadcast by the media... the stocks and bonds and blah blah who gives a fuck... it doesn’t touch my life directly nor does it a lot of people... like when everyone has a stock then maybe I’ll care more... ‘I see that number is red sometimes, it’s green sometimes- shit, my check doesn’t change, the cost of bread and butter doesn’t change...’ But, the day after thanksgiving that changes.. and I can purchase two computers for my twins instead of them having to share one and can purchase the case, the wires mouse, you want a what? ‘The hell do you want a custom made or whatever mouse pad for with someone you’ve known for three days all cuffed up together for? You know he’s not the one right!? That’s easy- the laptop come w a mouse pad and so no and no... pick something else... but?!!?!’ The entire dialogue can be changed and it makes lives better, more then just financially... so, from me, as someone who felt a little better in the clothes I received purchased on the day after thanksgiving or even was the person that received a computer for college after finishing my freshman semester or as a new homeowner (back in the day... lol) that wanted new bedding or as a friend, boyfriend, and/or relative that was able to give presents that I felt comfortable giving (like, I’ve bought presents I didn’t feel 100% about simply because ... no I lie, I haven’t given a present I didn’t feel comfortable about but I didn’t start buying presents until when?! Until I learned about the sales the day after thanksgiving... so as all of that... thank you. (And every little bit helps! ;))

(The current administration is possibly putting a kink in the system and I hope they don’t. However, not to fret... that’s something that has needed to be changed for a very long time!  It is not right, proper, acceptable, kind, and to be honest it doesn’t fucking make sense- that if I s a person go to Taco Bell for a taco and my

$20 doesn’t pass that marker test... that I as a person, in this country have to eat that cost.... look, no one else got a lawyer and is up there... ummm, and aren’t most people relieved or suspended or ‘taking some time off’ when investigations or questions or shit like this happens.... vindictive behavior is not gender specific... and I’m just saying... lemme cause a diversion so that... or lemme just really fuck some shit up since... no no. It’s thanksgiving and I will not have anything stop the amazingness in all its forms that happen because of the day after thanksgiving sales. ... like that’s strategic and purposeful and unacceptable that something like that would first be known on thanksgiving day at 12:30am... that they might be extra cognizant of counterfeit money being used... please, go make a gratitude list and leave the people alone... odds are there wouldn’t be counterfeits if their was another option or a need... that’s the governments fault and they ought to take responsibly...💯🍆😮👌👍 thank you. And happy holidays... truly. And yes, I do love you. With or with out stuff, the effort is truly truly there- thank you. 

Rivalries...

Rivalries...

Ok I’m reading this article with the comparisons between millennials (which to be honest had no idea I was one?  I thought they were people born in or around the year 2000 but this Vox article says differently) and baby boomers.  It says that millennials would rather complain about student loan debt then buckle down and get a job.... ok baby boomer, since you either locked up you competition, put them on death row, and oh wait, you’ve done the same to the millennial generation in a way. Created a fail proof system at just making it impossible... yeah, you always have a choice... great, apply that to your stank ass attitude and stop bitching about how millennials want to expand social services.  It’s just frustrating because I don’t get it, I honesty don’t get it... for example HIV/AIDS costs our country $20 billion per year, over 700,000 lives have been lost since 1981- I think that number is  low ball figure as you do have to consent to an HIV test in most places so a respiratory infection/ventilator was probably to blame when really the undiagnosed HIV was the issue. But, I digress. Also in those numbers is it’s projected that with current efforts and preventions another 400,000 people will be diagnosed in the next ten years. So by expanding social services guess what- that can literally be curbed.... not curved (yum) as in the it going from ‘hell’ to ‘Aw that wasn’t so bad,’ to parked, and something that will live in a freezer in a few places in the world/universe and no longer be something that has people dying senselessly, some without families there for them since diagnosis as stigma is real, and oh wait... I know I’m taking this article a little serious but like with elections, the current issues, the space station falling apart- and to think I didn’t even get to go yet, people dying over the ‘principle’ of the issue- remember the good ole days when it was at least over a dollar!?  That’s what I was always told growing up, being that I was constantly seeking safety- you know someone will kill you for a dollar. Ha, insurance scam failed ring a bell?  Even at 5 I should have been able to call a bitch a bitch, but... that line and principle and all existed then in that situation as it does now.... oh! So it speaks to millennials being addicted to their phones... well, if the ignorance et al (cruelty, I’m>and you’re<, you ‘need to do!’) so that’s I’m greater then/than (I still haven’t figured that shit out all the way- but I didn’t know how to spell their, much less the difference between their (I-people) and there (as in a place because of the here) until fuck like the 7th grade. Leave it to a baby boomer to hold me back and the generation above them to catch me up!  She was black, had gigantic glasses, taught me to read in the 1st grade and everything else I needed that year, taught me a little about money, and cared more then a pay check could ever compensate for...).  Do I literally think they

Are raising their grand kids because of situations they put their kids through- in some. In others their is much more that applies.  

It’s weird that I have no idea what ‘tiktok’ is- the hunger games and Kesha come to mind but that’s about it.  I will have to investigate. But it really does speak to how ok boomer- I agree, they would rather be offended and have their feathers ruffled then like look at the situation from a neutral perspective and be like, oh shit... maybe I am an asshole.  Feel a certain type of way- by all means...but if you will either in a vote (that’s cataloged at the end of the day- so they know if you’re an asshole or not) or in any other form hate on a ‘something to make lives better,’ then that’s where I fall off. That kind of cruelty or ‘lack of compassion’ or... its just not something that I honestly know how to handle or approach. Like, i have thoughts that pop into my head sometimes and I’m like- there is no fucking way I just thought that... it’s usually inappropriate not violent- sometimes a little judgmental.  And the answer to all of it is so clear and easy... education.  So if you say, ‘getting dp’d was the moment when I knew...I was in over my head’ and I laugh, not like lol or rotfl but like that like little ‘like half smile, inhale of a fourth of a laugh, with the head/neck backwards and to the side’ maneuver... guess that that means?  It means, I can relate. I thought dp’d would be much better then something like bad or painful- which is when someone can really get offended. But, the maneuver just really signifies that you aren’t alone and tragedy or dp situations happen to others as well. It’s like- when I was outside, in the park, at the library (in public all the damn time!)- I said to someone, one of the very few people I actually would be vulnerable with in the sense of ‘you know to be around people 24/7 and 365... I feel so alone.’  I don’t know if I said lonely or alone or what... but, the take home point is there. 

Butt hurt- saying that being called ‘a boomer’ and ones own offendedness towards that is equivalent to the ‘n-word.’  I mean it sure wasn’t someone who has the right to be offended by the one name who applied it to the other but damn if that doesn’t just accurately paint a picture of how far out some peoples perspectives are.  Neighborhoods where 👮 don’t go and lives lost, not publicized to talked about or to me even acknowledged.... brought on by the boomers et al who ain’t got a clue about the world in which they live.... shit, no wonder climate change is.... imagine a boomer being like... like that’s air..... air is fine... see ‘sniff sniff’ it’s fine... as it pertains to climate change.  Ha. I feel bad- like the whole equality of pay and that whole situation and my comments shows you how out of touch I am in a way.  I mean, I didn’t think of a woman seeing how hard their mother works for pennies compared to what they know someone earns being that voice... I mean, maybe not that out of touch as I’m saying it should be across the board equal... but, even right now I’m like, ‘damn I can be a douche!’ And I can. Especially, now... like of the current situation I’m in I honestly have a... like sometimes I just can’t get it right, like Brexit... I said I was ‘praying for Brexit’... I later was like- self, that was really dumb, you’re an American and our government lies to us and that being said I don’t really know what the fuck it’s even about.... I mean, kind of the overall motif.... but even then.... so what I meant was that I’m praying for an outcome that is best for universe.  It’s like picking sides and you don’t even know if there is more then one person or side when it could be a person with multiple personalities!  I think it’s funny- but what’s not funny is not having all the facts or information or openness of mind and heart et al... to make a decision that’s best.  Like, conservative person... you been restricting social support for a longtime... has it made your paycheck or quality of life go up or down or stay steady? Ummmm, I think... I don’t know... oh please, a duck is a goose is a mallard is.... concern for the type of plastic that’s used as kiddos put those in their mouths when playing with and that stresses me the eff out.  No, nothing good has come from restricting support for people. Ok, restricting Teflon and all it’s cancer causing traits.... thank you!  However,  a stimulus package (wink wink) to go with it would have been ideal.... dunno if a person of the opposite party would have done that and it might have been attempted... but I am so over hearing someone or hearing the government or tv say, ‘you ought not’... without the perspective of ‘but it’s all I have or all I know...’ considered in the equation.  Ok, teenager- don’t get pregnant. Well, how do I prevent- abstinence. (Are you effing kidding me!) When it’s like, well, condoms, or homeopathic things like ‘sorry straight guys I think it’s gotta be searing hot water to the testicles’ decreases sperm count, or other interventions and also pharmaceuticals.... I know I know, I’m right.... going that route and then saying, but listen, just make sure you want a pet of that person with you for the rest of your life- as it is that big of a ‘shit for me a miracle! Ha! What you mean someone wants to get naked with me..... ‘literally at one point in my life I would have made sure no one was standing behind me!’’ It is that big of a deal- how wonderful that with the open communication messages are received and communicated much more... in a bang for your buck kinda way.  Plus- the interpersonal connection, the oh lemme talk about some more stuff (yes, I’d be reaching for a cork screw at this point.... cause I dunno water would mean I’d have to go pee more something- no, I was future tripping a little.) and also with open communication and not the ‘I’m this and you’re that’ motif (love that word! How have I forgotten about it for what feels like forever!) comes the creditability or like legitimacy or respect or whatever.  You solidify you’re a person and not a douche bag- in a nutshell shell. Omg I’m watching the UCLA/USC game- and the announcer just referenced Alabama.  Geez. That’s like bringing up kovorkian in a pre-op bay before a transplant... like, no.  

Ok ok I digress again- the annual commission meeting was like stellar. So like sometime in the 1980’s around 130,000 new cases were diagnosed annually. Now it’s down to <50,000.   What’s important for is that in forty eight counties, seven states, DC, and San Juan... there is a substantial rural HIV burden accounting for 50% of the new diagnoses for 2016/3017.  It takes awhile to acquire, interpret, etc the numbers before they release it.  1 in 2 people with HIV have the virus at least three years before diagnosis.  1 in 4 people with hiv have the virus at least seven years before diagnosis. 1 in 5 people with HIV are diagnosed with advanced aids. And 7 in 10 people with hiv saw a healthcare provider in the twelve months prior to the diagnosis and failed to be diagnosed. 97% of people newly diagnosed are getting it from someone who is undiagnosed or don’t know that they have it. The South currently is 52% of the new diagnoses in our country!  

People living with HIV who take HIV meds daily as prescribed and get and keep an undetectable viral load have effectively no risk of sexually transmitting HIV to their HIV negative partners. 

U=U is a campaign started to reduce stigma and educate- Undetectable=Untransmittable.  

They have the meds for once you have HIV, but also Prep- pre exposure prophylaxis, and pep- post exposure prophylaxis. I do wish I had done more research and started my self on prep back in the day- odds are I would be negative. Take advantage of your resources though!  It wasn’t covered by insurance at the time and had just come out so I was nervous about it.  

The President’s 2020 budget proposal had a lot of new money to it- thank you!  At the amount of $291 million!  Divided out over the agencies and with a broader range of options.  

I know. I hate it also.  It’s uncomfortable, awkward, and saddening- but, talking about it and also asking your medical provider, school nurse, University medical center people, the gay and lesbian centers for a test will take away some of the power over it has over us and for me, I was scared to give it to someone. Seven states account for over 50% of the newly diagnosed cases in the whole country. Well, and some counties. I bitch about stigma- had I not posted it on Facebook and shared it with family- things might be different.  There is one person if diagnosed today with whom I’d share it with- other then that besides my medical doctor it really is none of anyone’s business and you do not have to disclose your status....ever!  (If on meds U=U....!)

I hope that all the ‘get your book published’ commercials I’m seeing are a sign for something great to come... if nothing else it will give me something to do.  Since my criminal record and credit score keep me from working- sadly so does my degree making me either overqualified or raising eye brows... trust I’ve tried. Thanks boomers!  ;) ha!  I love you.  

I just ate a burrito and Kelly Ripa is in my head... long story short she was saying her hubby knows he’s gonna get some if she orders a salad.... if it’s like a nacho platter with a side of beans then it’s all bad!  ;) don’t worry young gay... you just have to perfect your preparation... ;)

Apparently...

Apparently...

So all those I’m going to call you kiddos. To all you kiddos trying to make the world better for yourselves, everyone else, and future primary and secondary school people- one of the accusations is that Trump laundered money through the NRA!  Are you kidding me!  That makes so much sense it’s sickening. If that person speaking right now calls these proceedings conspiracy theories in an effort to make fun of them... hey, douche hole!  Guess what... (ewww, I wanna call him a douche hole or douche bag but I’m trying to be...) conspiracy theories usually most often turn out to be true!   Like the movie with Julia and Mel!  Um, totally all turned out to be true!  Ummm, ok ok- conspiracy theory.... I get it, it sucks... I’m sure the conspiracy=classified red stamp got confused like DACA and DOMA.... but he with held the federal funds for California... I’m sure that’s his power play- like, how he gets his way or how he manipulates people. He hold the check!  As if it’s his to control anyways! 

Omg all these republican dudes up there trying to be Ms. Kamala Harris and all they doing is showing their holes instead!  Somethings just come natural! Ha- before you know it they are going to make them take their shoes off at the door just so they won’t fight!  

So I need for some more revenue to come on down the pipeline and into the pockets and in the safe keeping of our firemen. They have no revenue, the police have that porn company and the jail and have trustees and commissary and since people shoot at them and also our military some of that technology is passed down. However, being that they don’t arrest people (I cannot believe I’m just now thinking of these disparities!!!!) the individuals don’t get those benefits either.  It’s like a lot. Plus they go out into the community and provide value able education and to be honest it was awkward as awkward gets having to be the one to get on that damn slider board thing when I was getting my fire card or fire safety cert so that I know how to actually use some of that equipment should I need to or at least if I needed to back in the day....like not comparing apples to apples cause... but, in the grand common sense and knowledge of of country when is the last time an officer or set went out into the community and provided do’s and don’t’s as it pertains to what to do if stopped while walking down the side walk, or what to do or not to do when your pulled over and an officer is approaching your vehicle.  They bitch about it or they shoot you if you don’t act right... just saying.  Firemen go and conduct fire safety drills.... and what the police et al doing!?  I just hope that my concerns aren’t valid... like, the commissary and money flow of the police and jails would be why they would have an advantage possibly in the grant writing or acquisition of funds or just those little money market account type things to contribute to the financial aspect of research and development.  Plus I’m sure they have some great ideas about how to save others while protecting their own in a more efficient innovative way!   Oh!  And they are doing community engagements sin efforts to make sure that people who live in those fire hotspot areas are prepared. It’s not funny but it is funny- they dont tell you what to do until they are shouting at you and then omg the convenience factor of a sneeze with a weapon drawn has been used how many times?  This was supposed to be about firemen and I how I feel they are doing the most with essentially 400% below the federal poverty level of support or money or actually men. 

Yesterday marked the day in 2019, when someone who identifies as a latina female has earned an income equivalent to that of someone who identifies themselves as a caucasian male.  It’s confusing because its back ass backwards- so as a white man, in this example.... I made $12,060. (That’s the fed poverty level for 1.). Actually, let’s use $50,000. So if I earned $50,000 in 12 months.... it, in our country, has taken the person who identifies as a Latina female 23 months to earn the same $50,000. So that’s $4,166  a month that someone earns, there is someone else who earns $2173.  

Ok ok.  So someone just told me to have fun at the dentist... I was like oh you know I will.  Haha. I’ll probably show up with a numb jaw, talking even funnier then I do, and if only it wasn’t the first of a few appointments. My dentist was like I know came from somewhere with some dollars... why were you on the streets. I was like because of hate. I’m gay/happy and to some that’s toxic. He was like, oh that makes sense. You had the appropriate amount of dental work for someone to make it to college having a parent who knew they had met their match as far as ‘stop your evilness and be a parent.’  I was yeah, I went to college and though I was covered under my dad’s insurance the $20 copay was a little out of reach when you factor in travel time and expense to get to my dentist, the time i could have been studying or working, and then the missed income and extra expense ha!  Yeah right. But nonetheless, sorry Afrojack has me all distracted... three more stops... Help!  I’ve become accustomed to an hour long commute. It’s just dreadful- not only have I negotiated my life around it but I’ve allowed it to hermitize me.  Which is not very me at all.   Ew and guess what.... I’m sharing a room right. Ewww I’m like livid- so all of a sudden in the closest I see a black rvca jacket!  Ummm, isn’t that shady as efff. Ugh, now I feel like I owe an apology here and a ‘the fuck homie’ over there.  I do realize that they make more then own jacket. However, I don’t believe in coincidences!  

Omg, I know!

Omg I know...

    I’ve been missing in action like whoa!  I’m not making excuses but just for circumstance purposes... I don’t know wtf is up with my sinuses but holy moly there is a flood of (thankful clear) fluid pouring from my nose.   I was at the library- probably last week now that I think about it, wow a hot minute, and was in the I’m not effing getting up and having to grab all my shit and go to the bathroom for a tissue!  Ok ok- my self conscious self naturally got up, headed for the door for an appointment or something and then walked right past the rest room! It was about a block or two before I realized... my forgotten tissue and sooo- snughh, snughhh, snughh made my presence known!  ;) Cheers!   I went to a meeting, the commission- it was phenomenal.  The ‘ending the epidemic’ is real and started by the current administration- thank you.  Their is more funding coming in with the goal of eradication being in 10 years.  Lofty, but with funding and loosening of some of the restrictions about where and w whom and under what circumstance it can be utilized... people are amazing.  I’m thankful that the ‘it’s a funding issue’ reality and the misconception of ‘its not doable even with money’ debate has been settled.... and with what? Haha, funding!   I spoke- I was like beyond nervous, so with a crackling voice and sweat and a little bit of a stutter here and there I just brought to life the situation I’m in- I kept it on the ‘I’ which is something someone really cool told me to do... I did say (unfortunately that I was nervous... about three or four times!) that my situation applies and then there are many similar stories- but I was like so one of my medications is $1300 per month, the other is $1800 per month, the emergency shelter/shared housing I’m in is paid for by federal grant money that’s $1500 a month or so ($50 a day), so we’re up to $4,600 a month or $55,200 a year (literally I just had to use the proof of purchase from my diet mountain dew as a tissue because once again I forgot to throw a tissue or two in my pocket. Ugh!) then I can’t remember what else I added in there but the take home for me and what I wanted the people in the room to get was that I only receive $194 for food and $221 in cash per month or $2328 and $2652 a year to do with what I want (like dollars that actually touch me for me to have governance over). I mean limits apply.... like thankfully some fast food places accept the food dollars and then at the market there are some limits and also out of that there is a need to maintain personal hygiene and supplies- toothpaste, toothbrush, soap, shampoo, Deo, floss, et al, and any like clothes I may need, writing utensils, socks, shoes, oh and rent- which is 30% or $60... so that’s already $160.  So like 8.4% of the almost $60k per year thrown at my situation or on my behalf do I get to touch and actually have governance over.... like my housing I basically go where they tell me- currently by LAX.  Not that I’m not happy or that they arent great, but it wasn’t a choice, it isn’t in an area I know or want to live- though I feel safe and like it. There is little wiggle room for me to do anything- if I get an interview I have to find a non-profit that ‘does that’ because I’m still expected to wear a suit and don’t have the income to purchase one without the direct supervision of another.  If I need a new set of head phones, a sheet pan thing to bake something on, or whitening strips, a pair of socks. I’m not bitching- but most often you, or most often I know what’s best for me.  Believe that- I’m empowering you that your own gut feeling just like with test taking about your first answer usually being the correct one- your gut feeling about decisions in life is usually the correct one. And at least that way if you fail you have yourself to blame and haven’t really included any one that you can either blame or let down with the failure- which I don’t like that word... living and learning.... the only failure is when there is regret.  If for me that’s the only time I would use that word... like you don’t or can’t fail at life.... you simply live and learn. So if I regret something, it really wears on me. It does.  In such a real way that I honestly don’t do it again, until I eventually forget the ‘regret feeing’ and live and learn a little more in that fashion only to become reacquainted with it again!  It just makes it so at the end of the day- the autonomy that should be with me isn’t... it’s with others.   There is an independence missing somewhere.  It does piss me off a little- like $1500 a month could get me a room in the neighborhood I’m familiar with.... most people live where they do for a reason and for me it’s an area where I feel ‘not different.’   Being in an area of mostly gays makes me feel like I’m not different or an outlier because I like dick in my mouth.... there are some places where that quality is the norm! ..., and would be well!  I get that there is a trust issue there- clearly the person today in the impeachment proceedings that said ‘we trust the American people...’ is making changes coming down the pipeline.  ;)  Ha, that was a segment from a situation and a segment of a statement that doesn’t directly have anything to do with me... but see how annoying that could be when a DA takes a segment from a phone convo you were having with someone and yeah- annoying right?  (In one of my cases the DA used my sarcasm against me.... and didn’t include the ‘are you effing kidding me, I wouldn’t think that!’ I didn’t watch the hearings for a few days- like I stopped when the dude was like something something this is $300 million in federal tax dollars from the American people meant for anti-corruption efforts in another country.  Baha!  This is a movie and script right?  I’m all about giving aid and all, philanthropy is so important... but I like yelped out loud and went into the other room. It’s like... such a ughhh thing to do.... raise your hand if your home life sucks or sucked, like sucks with the best efforts possible of the actual application of suckage..... but everyone thinks from the outside looking in that your nice appearance and clothes and smile and attitude and polite manner and good job and fresh haircut means everything is swell through and through. What’s that called, like.... because it’s what our country kind of does.... oh look, nothing to see here, nothing wrong, nothing to see... oh shit, you’ve got a hurricane coming? Here you go!  Maybe this gazillion dollars will help!   Oh, and here’s some of our actual people power to aid in the heavy lifting!  Meanwhile, we have the most people incarcerated per capita then any other place in the universe, we have a criteria for government aid that has a requirement of living at 400% below the federal poverty level, and....

I’m so thankful that some libraries are open later!   A public library open past 6pm?  Omg I luckily found one!   and it just saved my life- I had to fill out this form for an attorney/this thing for unpaid wages from a contract way back when... and luckily luckily I will be able to make the deadline of when it needs to be submitted!  The struggle is real though!  Lol oh to have a printer at home- ha which to be honest I’ve never had!  Well maybe in high school.  It was kind of expensive at $0.30 for two pages... ;) but, I also love Fedex and those types of places.  It makes me wish I had bags and bags of dollars to buy or just send as dollars in themselves to friends, family, random people, and people I become aware of in need. But even if I used one of those places I still had to type the actual letter. Ugh.  To be honest I’m like right past the deadline... though I do hope that they accept it... it’s like- my money right?   But nonetheless someone else can totally keep me from it?  Or at least set hard limits that may lead to the not acquiring of what’s mine.  Needless to say If someone was really shady and barely tried to make you aware of the million dollars that are yours, and inform you that if you don’t contact or submit said form by a certain date... that too bad- looks like you were doing fine without the million dollars and didn’t complete the form and so we will just keep it for you..I shouldn’t discuss it cause I’m still dependent on them to say ok cool- your moving and eh al means you still get what’s yours... I dunno even how much money it is!?  Haha, watch it’ll be like $0.05. Can you imagine?  I’d be ok with that- at least maybe it wouldn’t happen to anyone else- this leaving out of said wages earned...and that’s how I should respect money.  It’s how I am learning to respect money!   I know I know not turning my form in doesn’t really show it but! I was waiting for my new addy!   Omg I hope I don’t have to move again until it’s like into something my own or a roomie situation I’m comfortable with- it’s so annoying.  I’m grateful, and so thankful that all this exists- I’m just being impatient and to be honest I’m exhausted!  I hope that my efforts though make it better for those just starting a nightmare similar to mine.... ugh, one day when you need emergency housing you’ll be able to go to the same place you go when you need cash aid or food and be able to have a safe place to lay your head by the end of that business day. 

I’m reading this article and someone is speaking to being afraid to reach for their phone as to record their encounter with officers- the officers are being excessive with there actions or forcefulness with this person in tears (mind you her brother was shot and killed by officers and the way the article reads the same arresting officer in this situation) I wish there was a way to know how many people, how many family members, neighbors, teachers, nurses, teenagers, youth et al that have been shot by someone in a position of authority simply because they were reaching for their phone in order to either call for help or record the encounter.  I’m just saying- In my high school drivers education in Springville, Alabama I was taught to call dispatch or the non-emergency police or sheriffs line and verify the officers badge numbers and make sure that they had the right to stop you. I un o the back story of it was impersonations or kidnappings or assaults.... but, I can’t relate to the article in a sense of it being about the harassment people and families of those shot and killed by police/sheriffs (can you imagine that nightmare- the same person that shot your son driving by multiple times and waving at you, or flicking you off, or harassing you at family gatherings.... or in one case at the celebration of life for the family member killed!)  but I sure can as it pertains to the push back I’ve encountered all because I asked for a badge number.  (I mean if you want to get that official with things we can!) Like- dude you about to put me in handcuffs, hell yeah I wanna know your badge number!  Oh it’ll be on the paper- oh you mean the carbon copy paper that oh write by hand and have perfected the technique of your name and badge number not being visible on my copy. Literally- 10 misdemeanors, 3 felonies, and a strike.... and not one time have I been able, when I actually received my copy been able to read their information.  This mother in the same article is saying  ‘how can I teach them to have faith when I don’t...’. her heart ache is so real- I can feel it in the article from The Times (LA).  I can’t imagine the issues the journalist (what’s the difference between a journalist and reporter?  So basically interchangeable though I guess a report conducts interviews and a journalist prepares and delivers the news.) who wrote the article might soon have to deal with. I hope not.  Truly, it’s not like he is effing creating the stories or bringing all this about- he’s simply making it known- thank you!  I honestly totally believe these stories and people- why would they lie?  Why would they make up lies... they wouldn’t. Their hearts are breaking for the ones they’ve lost at the hands of officers who are meant to protect them- dealing with that and then dealing with taunts and fear and retaliation and further arrests... like, this one family member was arrested after she ‘smarted off’ to the officers or officer that is the one who actually shot and killed her family member... you must be joking.  That’s a nightmare not real life, right?!  No- sadly it’s real life. I must say this article is specifically about Deputies and the Sheriffs Department. But, my experience, my personal experience and interactions with both allow me to say that it’s a shared commonality. The article’s main point is that the ones at the highest rank are resisting the community and it’s right to transparency in regards to law enforcement. I know that something can be done about this on a federal/national level.

Don’t even get me started on the emails in my gmail totaling a whopping $10,352,975 of ‘you’ve won’ or ‘your check for... is on its way!  How crazy!  It’s crazy- and sadly I have fallen for a few of them- not going to lie!  Like- I’m already gullible, to the point it’s almost sad. But, the broke bitch version of me that some aren’t familiar with... he’ll do a lot, cause hey... you never know!  Haha, as long as someone doesn’t talk about how they have picked up a $100 bill/a Benjamin off the sidewalk recently.... cause at one point in my most desperate times of ‘get me back to LA’ when I was up north I totally watched the sidewalk as I walked- haha and the better part is that at the time I didn’t have eye glasses or my corrective lenses. So- it was like I really had to look and concentrate!  Omg- how sad. Honestly though I’ve never been that person- I think the closest I came was once my quarter was returned on the bus... and upon retrieving it I found a stash of coins!  Eyes lighting up I held out my hand to show the driver what I had found only to have him yell at me and then give me a hard time about a ‘free ride’ because he didn’t believe that one of the coins was actually mine!  Ha. 

Omg all good though- except I hate walk an unknown route... some of these sidewalks and the placement of the bottom to make it known you need to cross the street, the distance in between and sequence of the light, light rail, cars, turn lanes, and then me with my over use of the button.... it’s a lot.  And I always end up getting in my steps those days!  Which was tonight! Haha!   

If no one has told you today they love you, I do. The struggle is real, just don’t make the struggle more intense or real then it is... i don’t catastrophize but I do just let my anxiety and fear turn me into an awkward sweaty mess.  I’m working on it. ;) 

Oh, and the new MacBook pros make me wanna ‘insert that noise g-Eazy caused Britney to make in that one song’- yessir!’  Though, an iPad or mb air would probably be sufficient- though mid as well go big! 

And did you know that New York Life Insurance had the audacity to deny my housemate coverage or a life insurance policy related to his HIV status!   I guess get it while your negative!  Or else, you ain’t getting it!   Just crazy!!

It’s a quickie, I’m headed to a meeting...

I’m inspired by the bus operator that just waited for the buses in the intersection to waited long enough for the one or two others to exchange patrons as a few of them ran to the bus I was on... I was so thankful to see their relieved faces... that feeling of, not being in the right place at the right time- and having the replay of the bus pulling off without you as you wait for the next and the- haha i dunno if I’ve applied the stages of grief to this but I might need to take my own advice- and thank you to the bus operator.  I’m not sure if my assuming your a current or past bus rider and now an operator but your care and concern for others made my day better and was already pretty stellar.  Thank you. 

Ms. Warren/Senator Warren is amazingly picking up the battle of taking the burden of healthcare costs from the states to the feds. It shifts almost all costs from households, states, and employers and into the federal budget.  Taxes wouldn’t be raised on the middle class. The NY Times (yes, I subscribe to The NY Times, The LA Times, and other news to your emails... its perfect and annoying as sometimes you have to be a payer and a subscriber to completely read the article- but I love it other then that!) notes the efforts of THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY to redistribute wealth.  To the, this is like from past things I’ve heard people say- like that the super duper rich are scared of loosing money, blah blah blah... it’s like, redistribute wealth... meaning they aren’t taking anything away... take note Republicans... as you regardless of how you vote could benefit.... so please consider that.  Just as everyone in our country is suffering no matter how they voted... with The Democrats... you could have more money for your kiddos birthdays, a new car, debit relief in probably more then one form... multidimensional approaches are so like.... something to... not lying when I thought of the $20.5 trillion plan (that apple is the first $1 trillion company/business in the country....) and all of that money being ‘freed’ up in a way it was like tear jerking.... If Senator Warren is elected then it’s like, the states are going to have to be sure and put some. Democrat Party butts in those seats to make sure that the ‘good and generous and i want to cuss but.... see- ugh I I’m not trying to be right but like... I do not believe in n telling people what’s going on- like this is what’s going on but even just now I wanted to be like g**d**ma* and just the phenomenality just... wouldn’t let me- thank you!).  Like good, generous, and g*d**m*... ha, between the bus operator and then Ms Warren’s plan.... and the buffalo chicken rollers I have in my bag- i am so ready to take on this week.... oh oh, if only my life was like an independent one v a dependent on the system one (I know... dependent at this time... I have to keep telling my self that) I would be knocking out papers and studying and cleaning my house and shit, id possibly even go to da pound (both- the town and the animal one—) fuck- I guess this is a sign that I have to, have to, have to, see if my attorney did the 917 thing I talked about or what the next steps are- I know the cussing was worth it, it’s like a ****, I know that’s what is the best thing for me to do....

He’s a tribute to my new earbuds and how Calvin Harris was thinking about you, Tyga apparently has bad ass bitches bouncing on his dick, Martin Garrix (he’s just dreamy) is High on life, and The Chainsmokers (omg- where do I being) are hope. Pandora Provided Phenomenality. (I swear- the reality of things and the applying the ‘ity’- I wish I was the first in actuality to do such... I know, I’m still swimming in a high of phenomenality- Ms. Warren is a bad bitch. 

“We’re waging war against the most destructive fires in our state’s history, and Trump is conducting a full-on assault against the antidote,” Gov. Gavin Newsom said.  California has cameras posted up to stay on top of fires - and everyone please be cognizant that part of the team that fights these fires, protects our lives, and risks theirs are ‘doing time.’  Yes, they earn conservation credits in doing so... many who apply for this once sentenced don’t meet the criteria... I’m generalizing and after spending a little over a year in total of my life in county jails I feel I can do so... it’s like my heart hurts for these men and the injustices that have them incarcerated (not sure if women and/or transgenders have this availability) and the (esteemable (this is the wrong word usage... an esteemable act is something that builds your self-esteem)) type of character traits and just the type of stellar men.... other men et al have.... ugh I’m not doing... but, it’s speaks to our need for criminal justice system reform in a from the top to bottom, the individual, the employees et al, the law people et al, the like how many different classifications of an individual did I encounter in my criminal record....Like peace officer, police officer, security officer, oh wait then sheriffs, correctional officers, jailers, deputy,.... attorney, public defender, DA, commissioner- as a judge, clerk, court reporter... and it keeps going! 

It is imperative to the world, universe, and let’s not forget other country’s that we do this... I do not believe in the... I’m going to use the word disparity here as I think it pertains to heath care specifically yet speaking to again the issues facing everyone from your mama, your prima, your brother, neighbor... and who came up with that word (see being a judgmental hole... thinking that it only applies or applied to healthcare... so who takes reasonability for the disparities that exist from state to state.... omg it’s the criminal minds! Ha!   I’m joking and shouldn’t- people are in cells as big as a cell in your body when compared to like a mitochondria (I use that as an example because a mitochondria is the power house of the cell. Truly.)... like I was taught by some of the most amazing educators in the world.  I don’t care if it seems like I’m biased... I am.  From the 1st grade teacher I had in one of the cities that was in the Top 10!  Ha! Top 10 deadliest to live in, in the state’s! Like not the state...the city!  So that teacher I swear was Dr. Maya Angelou... if not in actuality then tell that to my heart.  She taught me to read, in the first grade!  Like, I should have been sent back to preschool or kindergarten. Weirdest word!   And that’s not why- but one of them. Not sure which when speaking about the role and government and all of the...  So I was told that if a state ever like Did or was doing something weird... we used the example of a speed limit. Like if a state made a speed limit of 100 miles per hour then the feds could step in and regulate if needed.  Ok well, here I am, saying this has got to stop. One country, one world, one universe.  As far as I know.... ha!  Seriously!  There is no time like now to make this happen.  Seriously. 

Raking leaves is as effective at combatting the climate crisis as your phone’s spellcheck is at fixing your tweets. @GavinNewsom is doing his job. Maybe you should try it.

Told you a quickie- cheers to Tuesday! 

Working... even in the...

When being read to in the shower... I felt...
.

Ok- more pressing points! I’m so thankful that Mark Z is... doing what he does... taking up a humanitarian cause (making the world better)! He’s in court or congress being attacked by politicians... and I’m just like, if you need time to gather you thoughts or I don’t know- prepare, get with your team and see what you can come up with about American’s not having access or privilege to a bank account. (He’s having to defend Facebook and himself in regards to crypto currency- which the name is the name is the name and I dunno.... but like- I might buy her red bottoms with the crypt- dough... I dunno but asking her if that’s an issue might just... ) How is that hard to believe and I do love the round about of a situation where oh they have access... anyone can go to a bank!  ok mam, but will they be approved, how readily available are the terms for the accoubt to then fit into their lives... and also... what’s the shit that will hit the fan in their lives unknowingly (I’m editing this and the bullshit distractions continue!  But yet I am still done...) to that person yet known to like everyone gathered around that account: for example... my account- I don’t know how much I owe in total, no idea where it’s from, the bank/banks that are mine doesn’t have someone to speak to me at the branches about it, yet... they literally in our country and in my life as a legally acceptable thing to do to a person took the last $1.42 out of my life... and then sent me a letter telling me no details... just the entity, a number with a one and a half hour wait to speak to someone and that they did it.... like, one more sly way people that win the lottery probably end up broke as hell sometimes.... cause like for instance... someone with plenty of ummph could place $100k in my account- I won’t touch it, it can just sit there.... double or nothing our bitch ass legal system/how things are currently done in our country would have me back to a negative amount within a legally contracted amount of time...as I wasn’t able to purchase the dishwasher in h liquid at the $0.99 cent store that would have been my 10th purchase for the month with my debit card that would have met the ‘to be free’ requirements of Wells Fargo... speaking to ‘the lovely timing of... the automatic closure of my account’ (that i hope doesn’t actually happen...)because the government got that shit to zero and then Wells Fargo is collecting theirs either now or in the future...yes, $-10.00 is my balance. Like- I don’t know how much they think I owe to whomever, but that before I know and verify and appeal or dispute... they can and might automatically just take their amount out... (This would be an experiment to see like how much or what amounts they would take out in what increments and at what pace... like in two months if I owe more then $100k would it all be gone? I dunno) So he’s trying to create an entity that will make it so someone like me can have the simplest most basic thing that kind of makes you a human by standards set forth in the states by the states and clearly for them versus a person... I’m sorry I’m being so hard on this situation... but your tying this man up in court as he’s possibly doing some leg work of his own about things that are affecting people in a real way on a real level...it’s seems like a very retaliative situation.  You’re taking away time that he could be spending wherever with or without his family and at the same time do whatever project he wanted to or hell.... it doesn’t even matter... you’re like creating a heart attack of legal fees, possible situations for future character assassinations as you drag him around and like oh shit this situation in 5 years if not taxed filed correctly  could be the bullshit that has him landed in San Quinten all to make an example out of him (or try to again) when all he was doing was literally making and trying to make the world a better, more humane for humans place... again, taking time away from his life and it seems as though he’s pretty prepared, pretty legit and informed and it seems like the person who is ‘representative’ of something of the people doesn’t even understand or have the knowledge of what the population they are  representing goes through or their struggle... or doesn’t care or... like I said a bias is a bias and maybe she is fine with someone like me going through this and thinks it’s ok, and appropriate. How that struggle exists and why and... nope, can’t even go that far cause I guess the disconnect or ‘don’t care’  is that real. I wish I could say there was a way for him to be like ‘fuck this shit, I’ll come back when you’ve prepared for this... because I have a small business of a billion dollar entity to get back to as well as a family!   And you dont even know that people in this country struggle or can’t have a safe place to keep their money and or you just don’t care....’. (I’m just saying maybe don’t don’t say that but something like that...  as i dunno what could be... but I do know that I don’t mind checking that situation for you.... in the most real housewives of Atlanta kind of way...  she’s like ‘who’s gonna check me boo.... and (omg I wanted to say bitch... but if I put that in text it might get censored in certain states as that’s a real thing happening as well... in reguards to the b word... ima say maybe instead of bitch I’ll say baffling... like) ‘baffling’ I’m saying I’ma check you for him in a blog post so stop tripping over your own ego or/and his tech giant self... as that’s annoying... he built Facebook, as much as a corner store owner is invested in his small business... so is he!   But having him in court, as a bully who can’t understand why his ‘small business’ and him are linked is just stupid... and I’m saying- it’s not right!  And worry about the economy and how your character assignation of him et al will hopefully not look so bad on Monday as it’s Friday and thanks for fucking making him work on the weekend now- even more then he may or may not... cause like... he may care about the word, and people.... actions like these show the governments ass in the most perfect way... cause in the event... of a financial crisis or stock issue... it won’t be politicians that do anything other then get paid over time or woe is me themselves, and have to work (we all know I hope and feel as though they care but not today with this situation)... but it’s people...
and now the government is like- but how does someone without a bank account.... (just clueless or being legally smart with words as to not put themselves in a legally binding compromising situation with admitting to situations they know exist...) ok...so, just cause they don’t have access to bank accounts doesn’t mean they won’t be the ones impacted the most... and it’ll be all over and in every bit of Facebook... that he’ll have to look at (duh!  That’s his job... and yours would be... this?.... hmmmm) every second of every moment until you get your shit together (and then for an undefined period of time in the future... the associations with actions by the government and the human suffering and like literally your decision in this matter then the possible funerals associated with it... isn’t going to be admissible in court or out of his life... and facebooks... it’ll be right there... I’m literally black and white text and letters and videos and pictures!)... and a cuss word is so something to ruffle their feathers instead of... I think it shows emotion and caring but in the press and all that live and living color media that they don’t subject themselves to unless it’s..., what I would say... honestly.... if it were me.... would be ‘wow, Mr. Z., that’s amazing- I never imagined that’s the place you’re coming from...  can I come and see what you’re talking about?  So that I can see and know for myself and in a first person kinda way (if i/they are that literal with needing to know for themselves what people are going through or what your speaking of... but, I don’t really trust them either so maybe it’ll be a slide point presentation or something...)what the people are going through.... see no one checked anyone really... I just am venting in a blog about current events and how I feel about them... like- not even mention that now all involved already we’re going to be going home and processing the ‘feelings’ from the day.... one or both may feel personally attacked and I’m not going into how I feel that one persons feelings may be valid while the Others aren’t(like that’s be rude!)... because they are all valid feelings... but in case I needed to... like, you’re trying to regulate something, with a republican administration in office, that doesn’t even exist yet (in a way of probably putting the same oppressive crap and inaccessibility in the world versus... what needs and ought to be...) like, no they didn’t have speed limits until way after the horse, then the horse and buggy, the automobile, the American automobile, the bikes, the.... like it was decades after all of that before a regulatory something was needed so... and you’re planning and control and efforts I’m saying as a person living a life that will be touched on a first person kinda level... I feel are totally just in jealous, not appropriate, probably biased places that they ought not be... sorry not sorry... mine are valid just as yours are!  I do hope that after mr z’s efforts over the weekend of saving the world and thoughtful considerations as well as your thoughtful considerations in and of these matter.... who knows.... hopefully the case of the Monday’s is going to be associated now with the ‘ahhh hhaaaahhh’s’ instead of the ‘Aw helll nawww’s!’...

It’s not that I think this would happen, but I hope that the government gets their shit together and does some research and becomes abreast of the world in which we live... like, it should be a standard of government (like a standard of care) that they do not make uninformed decisions or have discussions about matters they are making a decision or judgement (not personal but possibly based on personal judgement) about or on....I digress... I’m saying I hope, but don’t expect or have expectations.... like, don’t let their mean girl attempts, as repeated as they are and have been and may be in the future send you into early retirement... don’t play like that may not be the goal anyways... like, oh eventually this do-gooder might ‘give up’ if we just keep putting him through it.... like, if we do this or don’t regulate this... who knows what good he’ll try to do next or create or innovate based on what he sees, feels, knows, and is aware of what people’s struggles are... they aren’t saying it and are doing the exact opposite of what they need to be doing or what I feel they should be doing... which is.. to say.... Thank you!  Thank you. Thank you.  (Wouldn’t it be nice if, something like this was coming also....’Thank you! You changed my outlook about the world the people in which I serve are living in and struggling in... and now I can better do my job’...)