1 in 4 youth become homeless after coming out... go after that Mr. President, please.

Happy Nation HIV Testing Day!  (1 in 4 youth become homeless after coming out…)

I remember the first time I got tested.  I was in college at UAB and my friend ran into me on campus and was like, ‘Hey, come with me to get tested?!’  I was like, wtf I haven’t studied for anything and I don’t think we have a test today?!  After walking a while and then going to a few different desks and down some stairs and basically to the basement of this building we were there.  I was asked a lot of questions… you will be as well if you get tested.  I answered all the questions and then was given my results- which I just knew were going to be positive… and I was negative.  I was like, holla!  This is the same day on facebook that after sleeping with someone who was positive like the week before I noticed everyone posting their negative status… I remembered my friend from the week before- how shocked he was that I still wanted to have sex with him after he told me… it was the most humbling experience really.  Like, I could feel his insecurity around his status and how like shocked he was that I still wanted to have sex with him after he told me.  He told I had no idea how many people said ‘ew gross’ or turned him down after telling people (he was bi…) that he was positive.  It was heart breaking.  The sex if you’re curious was mind blowing… like mind blowing.  He is one of the kindest people I’ve to this day ever met.  He like most people was kicked out when he came out to his family… and was making it on his own in the service industry.  To those that this happens to- come to LA.  I don’t know what to do but I know that I’m here and we have a City that’s literally GAY.  West Hollywood is amazing and yes, there is shade and sketchiness… but also, there are two brand new Gay and Lesbian Centers… I don’t know where the shelters are for the gay youth…as I shouldn’t because I’m not a youth  I can’t tell you what I went through  and what I’m still going through with my family… its not that they don’t want me around… its not that they don’t want me to exist anymore… its like they don’t want me to even have existed… like on Harry Potter when she performs the spell that takes away her parents memories… wiping her from their memory, and photographs and probably text messages and friends of theirs memories…. That’s what my parents want and I can’t give it to them… and neither can you…I had all this happen to me starting at the age of twenty six.  It sucks… and I realized that if my parents weren’t at the heart of all my misery they would have come to my rescue.  Let me tell you about this time at the ballpark during city league when a boy was picking on me and took my hat… my mamma went apeshit.  Well, ive learned that can’t no body pick on her son but her… and my dad of course.  I just forget that… as a child, whether you’re 14 or 40 you have this childlike love for your family that they cant and could do no harm to you… but that is so incorrect.   I can’t tell you how many children for a day old infant to a twenty something year old I’ve taken care of who was up in that bed in the ICU at the fault of their parents or caregivers.  Just know I love you.  I was so blind that I even allowed my family to hurt my very best friend here in LA.  They still are causing havoc in his life even though…  On this day many years I posted on facebook that I was ‘negative’ but even if I was positive I would post it… because that’s what I would do and I would wear it the same way I would a negative status… well, 4 years ago on January 31, 2015 at 9pm in Hollywood I tested positive.  It hit me like a ton of bricks that I was ready for until I wasn’t.  I had literally just seroconverted.   By the time I started meds a month or so later i was still like shocked… but that’s ok… I thought I was ready for the onslaught… but I wasn’t… but that’s how it goes… I was idealistic enough to think it was ok… I thought it was then ok to post on facebook that I had tested positive…  well, its sadly not and wasn’t and still to this day people are shocked that I did so…

One of the many issues...

So wow I guess like two years ago- my car gets stolen, I was in process of recovering from eye surgery, I was like looking for my car thinking ‘wow this can’t be happening...’ the sheriff’s (3) who were following a Fedex truck see me and ask my name... I was didn’t hear them well so I said excuse me... oh hell by this time all three are running towards me and tackle me... anyways I still have to complete the use of excessive force stuff but they took pictures and stuff.  I was covered in mud and literally looked like I had been drug behind a truck... anyways- I had my backpack with my brand new MacBook Air in it and other items... so when I was sent to San Jose because of a failure to appear warrant they kept my backpack down here as bulk property. Instead of sending it with me- which I asked multiple times for them to do.  When I got out in San Jose and got my things... all I had was my phone, no phone charger, my ID, and debit card, but not my ebt card.  It was a nightmare. I didn’t make it down in the 6 months they hold your property to get my things and so I guess it all got destroyed. I have to do something about this. I mean I tried and begged a family member to help... but their eye was on the life endurance policy they have on me... so yeah... we know how that year in San Jose went.  I got 10 misdemeanors! Ten! For just existing.  Oh well, here’s the letter from the weho sheriffs. The same ones that arrested me... feel free to call them and let them know what you think of them. Imagine- I bet one of their kids got my new laptop for Christmas! Ugh! One more perk of their job.

Go after violence...

So I’ll be up front with you... drugs and violence are two totally separate entities. Getting rid of drugs  or illegal drugs will not make america great or get rid of violence.  By violence I mean bullying, stalking, etc.

For example- when I get attacked in LA... this was the time they got my iPad, iPhone, passport, like basically everything... to me that’s so much more toxic then drugs.  Wether they were high or not or on drugs or not that act and the ones behind it... yes, I do think there are more then just the two actuals in the mix. Oh and I also think the noise that made me turn to face the person to my right actually had a gun... and that’s what got my attention instead of them stepping on a stick it was the dropping of a gun.  Take drugs out of the world completely and those evil cowards will still be around.

Those people that do what is called ‘swatting.’  Like- if that’s a real thing which I think it is... just like I think not only is that person who hit me in the above described situation living in the same vicinity as I am... like still kind of stalking me. Like was at the russ hotel with me and now has followed me here.

There has to be connections and links that make it so these people can be stopped. It is not fair that a person can ride around on a bike or walk around or whatever and call in fake or real issues... as a do gooder when really they are actually making those calls about specific people.

I don’t feel that those people have to also be connected with drugs in order to be charged with a crime. This was also done to me in the park when I was arrested this last time a year ago for beating up those officers.  Some do-gooder felt the need to call incessantly and complain that I was in the park sleeping.  I wasn’t camping there. I wasn’t making noise.  I wasn’t doing anything wrong other then being in the park when it was technically closed- even though it opened again in 30 minutes.  The point is to me that’s harassment, stalking, and the information regarding if that person has made calls about me before... or if people around that person has sent messages or calls about me or in regards to me exists. Like, go after that.  That’s violence and why suicide rates are through the roof.  And much much much more damaging then/than a substance.

Imagine getting a new car and it getting scratched, mail coming up missing or you not receiving it, your wallet going missing from your desk, someone giving you a bad review on yelp, someone calling saying your dog is barking a lot, someone being sly towards or with your boyfriend, your email getting hacked, your parents getting texts or mail that you didn’t send... all of this may seem coincidental but to a non-baby boomer like me it’s violence and a crime. And it happens soooo much.  It’s literally been going on in my life for at least 5 years, if not more and has managed to follow me even though the actual specific people may be different depending on where I am... the connections and links are still there.

And this happens probably to children of people also- just cause they are that persons kid.  Can you imagine... like I’m the kid of someone who is a victim of this and just because I’m their kid now I’m a target and have no clue about any of it. If this was happening to me as a teenager I wouldn’t know what to do or how to function and would feel so scared and helpless and tormented... hell what am I talking about... I feel that way now as an adult haha but I damn sure cannot stand by and let things of this nature happen to children.

Would I call these people of these acts domestic terrorism? Gang violence?  Hate crimes? Crime of passion? My brain doesn’t think in such a way to have to frame things within labels like that... if yours does, then figure out what the fuck to call it or label it and get to work please.  Cause I know that people in similar situations have tried to make things like this stop on their own cause no one has helped or they didn’t know where to turn and that’s not how it should or ought to be. It shouldn’t  be up to the person having a stroke or a heart attack to handle it themselves... or put their big boy britches on...

My friend said it’s been going on in his life for over ten years? I don’t know if it’s something he’s done, someone he knows/an association, or just because.... hey, how about you ask the people doing it to him and then we’ll know! :)

please say what’s ‘it’ or ‘who is they’... and to me that’s the same kind of hate as my friend being dead (and me not knowing it at the time), me telling my mom how much I miss him and how much I want to see him and her telling me ‘we’ll maybe if you start living right then he’ll want you back in his life or want to be in yours.’

I don’t want to think he’s actually gone and I do literally forget all the time and then it hits me like a ton of bricks and I start crying at the library or in my room in the middle of the night... and that’s ok.  When I finally get to the bottom of everything and have taken care of it all I’m going to take his flag from his service and burn it in front of the White House... (I said that after that... I’d probably go and talk to a physician about assisted end of life measures for myself... that way our souls can be together again in heaven... why wait right? And why give people the high or the satisfaction of seeing me walk down the side walk or at the market or on Facebook... and thinking, aw poor josh- his dear friend died  how sad.  That’s not crazy, that’s legit love.

Credit score...

Credit score pic...

UI dunno but odds are someone noticed before I did however my effing flip flops are killing me like CB’s were in SATC when she had to walk ninety six blocks in NYC cause she left her taxi money in order to not embarrass herself and yeah, I err did the same thing only I’m in LA and yeah... I got my credit score in the mail from where I didn’t get approved for a credit card however my credit score is good right?  I’m being vulnerable here... and so yes, my credit score is awful? So is this where I post my credit score of ... cause I’m gonna. The credit people are so happy that its  been raised (odds are illicitly by them since I haven’t paid off a single thing however have routinely accessed my stuff which is soooo bad.   It’s like they made it so it wouldn’t hurt your credit to check your credit just for me.  Aw, thanks. Honestly. Cause they’re like I know you see this food bill from almost a decade ago you lazy American... did you know at one point I had the lowest credit score of any American in the country.. (not totally true- and it literally went from 818 to 3-something in a month) did you know that it’s possible for the low limit for a white American to be not the same as someone of the same demographics and geographic location but different race?! Yes. 

I love how the definition of gentrification changes every time I look it up and also depending on what browser I use.   And if something is fictitious it’s not that it’s fake- other then in someone’s head. (Oh please apply to that to me... cause bitch wait until I get a quote from my pediatrician from childhood... cause all this shit might be on paper documentation from way back 32 or less years ago... but... I hate to have to go there....) 

I’m not creating a non-profit to make money- I’m going to eventually find an attorney to help me and then it’ll be all good. What sucks is that I may have to do this from another country? Cause I dunno. And listen- I’m doing my best- I mean Rihanna got her ass beat by not Chris brown but that damn exotic monkey or whatever he had/has/just got caught with and even they could find attorney to represent them... like, I mean damn. (On a separate note can you imagine sitting in DV classes thinking about the trauma of a legit like exotic animal whipping your ass instead of your bf and how annoying that would be... damn. That’s even annoying to try to put into words but hey, she must of not had his money...the monkey wants royalties for that song please...he be like bitch better have my banana!) 

I have so much but it’s exhausting on my phone. And my phone battery life is only at 81% (not the amount charged) was which means it dies all the time!  Like all the time. (Just like the fucking sentence at the beginning said ‘to do,’ I have so much to do but it’s exhausting on my phone- like I don’t know what to do.  I hope that who or whom ever is editing... oh I mean sabotaging is... Nevermind.  

It’s like my whole life- has been not only hacked but like anything I try to do is... for example.  I’m on the commission on HIV for LA County.  Like it’s absurd that I’m not getting email until after or on the date When I set up alerts on my ICal it gets deleted or whatever... it’s not that the emails don’t show up... it’s that they’ll show up on the day of the meeting or sometime after. It’s exhausting.  And makes me seem a little crazy when I tell people about it- but thankfully it’s a little easier now.  At least in LA there’s enough people to make it so that like all the people I encounter aren’t going to make me seem crazy- or add to or confirm the bullshit. (I retract that... depending on the time of day and area I’m in) This is such a set up- it’s so annoying.  I do get sad al the time... when it’s a push pull of people v people and it’s one side living and scared of the other side being able to survive past making it to college... I just don’t get it.  There is plenty of everything to go around, there has to be. If not then worry about that later... isn’t that what AI is for? It’s a real struggle that I have a billionaire trying to offer support and then another one... (yes, sometimes I think some people are actually just cgi animation created because that would be easier to control then say Jane Fonda and all her realness... and abc is owned by Disney... who does what? Animated movies? Ohhhh duh!  Plus if some of them are this and are billionaires then our nation debt and my realness of a putting things together is sure adding up.) literally the other one is trying to keep me from posting that it’s the baby boomer generation that’s ruining America.  That I think they are literally just the ones saying life isn’t fair... and are actually making it unfair. They are the first generation to have to live without the help- or grow up with out them... imagine that sibling rivalry... ‘oh I’m sorry, I don’t know how to sweep.’ Yes, there is an art of cleaning... Aw... didn’t think I was going to put that together? I mean it’s so annoying.  The new new Jim Crow laws and the new new new ones that I guess are going on now make it so that our news is not heard even more- but if we’re having to figure out the sixth person scenario of camera’d scenarios being watched on other cameras by other people and AI then who’s at fault for my password getting stolen and how the eff do I figure that mess out when those same cameras like the ones on the sidewalk or traffic lights can detect gun shots with their sense of smell.  So cool right?! - like the fact that they had a Tylenol crisis in one part of the country but then the crack/new Jim Crow laws happening in the same country but different time zone and like at the same time but no one knows makes it really annoying. 

Cheers to the weekend. And for my addicts if you identify as such- it may be a disease of the soul- but not your own... however probably the ones who raised you or said this is for your own good or didn’t tell you the truth or the ones who initially said that you have a problem. ;) 

I still have my little belly poochie thing- as stressed or as skinny as I get it’s still there. 

At a certain point everyone needs to know that just because your parents or whomever don’t/didn’t want you to know something and that also you don’t know something about yourself or don’t want others to know... doesn’t mean that people don’t actually know and won’t or might hold that secret against you/me... like if that’s what it’s about... you wanting to fill a void that you saw in the world and actually went to the lengths to find the right person for the job or whatever... acting like all that didn’t happen may have led people to think there is acting or something going on. It’s very vague and confusing until... 

Cheers to today!

Ugh... you know what’s annoying.  When your pandora is performing some kind of maintenance and it doesn’t work.  Like, I dunno... I updated and prayed and shit still ain’t gotten better... I guess that’s why I’m more spiritual then religious cause I ain’t trying to put my faith in no man and/or no bitch that ain’t my own... of course this sparked my doing Apple Music for three months free but also adding my debit card to the situation (on the metro- I  didn’t think about that until after the fact oh and one more reason for someone to think that I’m bs’ing when I say I’m broke.  . . omg one thing I’ve learned... utilize that iCal and set a reminder. However... National Change Your Password Day is going to have to happen again this year because if one more thing gets deleted from my iCal making me miss an appointment and I’ll just have to deal with it right? Yep, it has my shit all messed up.  Like- it’s exhausting. And also- some people don’t know that you can look on the apps and see which devices are attached or have accessed your account. But what, am I supposed to change that daily. 

LGBTQ Center in Hollywood- 

Me: ‘OMG...you’re gonna have to hurry- I’m making traffic worse on this street!’

Friend: ‘oh my God- this is why I never come get your ass!’

Me: ‘ok if security hassles me for sitting on the railing or if the guy that clearly followed me into the restroom and then proceeded to come back into the restroom to see what I was doing (brushing my teeth) shows back up I’ll be sure and use the ‘omg... I’ll be down in a moment I’m currently shooting an Ad for NASA’s satellite real time street view photography campaign...’

Friend: ‘that was so last year... omg, actually two years ago you belated bitch.’

Walking around West Hollywood has sure cut down on the amount of times I trip walking down the side walk- It has something to do with the other cameras that they can use to watch instead of their own. It’s something like that because yes I spend a lot of time in my room where I do keep the blinds closed/tilted and am not streaming tv or movies on my phone and yet somehow already I’ve used 192 gb’s of data so far... crazy right?  I dunno but odds are someone noticed before I did however my effing flip flops are killing me like CB’s were in SATC when she had to walk ninety six blocks in NYC cause she left her taxi money in order to not embarrass herself and yeah, I err did the same thing only I’m in LA and yeah... I got my credit score in the mail from where I didn’t get approved for a credit card however my credit score is good right?  I’m being vulnerable here... and so yes, my credit score is awful? So is this where I post my credit score of ... cause I’m gonna. The credit people are so happy that its  been raised (odds are illicitly by them since I haven’t paid off a single thing however have routinely accessed my stuff which is soooo bad.   It’s like they made it so it wouldn’t hurt your credit to check your credit just for me.  Aw, thanks. Honestly. Cause they’re like I know you see this food bill from almost a decade ago you lazy American... did you know at one point I had the lowest credit score of any American in the country.. (not totally true- and it literally went from 818 to 3-something in a month) did you know that it’s possible for the low limit for a white American to be not the same as someone of the same demographics and geographic location but different race?! Yes. 

I love how the definition of gentrification changes every time I look it up and also depending on what browser I use.   And if something is fictitious it’s not that it’s fake- other then in someone’s head. (Oh please apply to that to me... cause bitch wait until I get a quote from my pediatrician from childhood... cause all this shit might be on paper documentation from way back 32 or less years ago... but... I hate to have to go there....) 

I’m not creating a non-profit to make money- I’m going to eventually find an attorney to help me and then it’ll be all good. What sucks is that I may have to do this from another country? Cause I dunno. And listen- I’m doing my best- I mean Rihanna got her ass beat by not Chris brown but that damn exotic monkey or whatever he had/has/just got caught with and even they could find attorney to represent them... like, I mean damn. (On a separate note can you imagine sitting in DV classes thinking about the trauma of a legit like exotic animal whipping your ass instead of your bf and how annoying that would be... damn. That’s even annoying to try to put into words but hey, she must of not had his money...the monkey wants royalties for that song please...he be like bitch better have my banana!) 

I have so much but it’s exhausting on my phone. And my phone battery life is only at 81% (not the amount charged) was which means it dies all the time!  Like all the time. (Just like the fucking sentence at the beginning said ‘to do,’ I have so much to do but it’s exhausting on my phone- like I don’t know what to do.  I hope that who or whom ever is editing... oh I mean sabotaging is... Nevermind.  

It’s like my whole life- has been not only hacked but like anything I try to do is... for example.  I’m on the commission on HIV for LA County.  Like it’s absurd that I’m not getting email until after or on the date When I set up alerts on my ICal it gets deleted or whatever... it’s not that the emails don’t show up... it’s that they’ll show up on the day of the meeting or sometime after. It’s exhausting.  And makes me seem a little crazy when I tell people about it- but thankfully it’s a little easier now.  At least in LA there’s enough people to make it so that like all the people I encounter aren’t going to make me seem crazy- or add to or confirm the bullshit. (I retract that... depending on the time of day and area I’m in) This is such a set up- it’s so annoying.  I do get sad al the time... when it’s a push pull of people v people and it’s one side living and scared of the other side being able to survive past making it to college... I just don’t get it.  There is plenty of everything to go around, there has to be. If not then worry about that later... isn’t that what AI is for? It’s a real struggle that I have a billionaire trying to offer support and then another one... (yes, sometimes I think some people are actually just cgi animation created because that would be easier to control then say Jane Fonda and all her realness... and abc is owned by Disney... who does what? Animated movies? Ohhhh duh!  Plus if some of them are this and are billionaires then our nation debt and my realness of a putting things together is sure adding up.) literally the other one is trying to keep me from posting that it’s the baby boomer generation that’s ruining America.  That I think they are literally just the ones saying life isn’t fair... and are actually making it unfair. They are the first generation to have to live without the help- or grow up with out them... imagine that sibling rivalry... ‘oh I’m sorry, I don’t know how to sweep.’ Yes, there is an art of cleaning... Aw... didn’t think I was going to put that together? I mean it’s so annoying.  The new new Jim Crow laws and the new new new ones that I guess are going on now make it so that our news is not heard even more- but if we’re having to figure out the sixth person scenario of camera’d scenarios being watched on other cameras by other people and AI then who’s at fault for my password getting stolen and how the eff do I figure that mess out when those same cameras like the ones on the sidewalk or traffic lights can detect gun shots with their sense of smell.  So cool right?! - like the fact that they had a Tylenol crisis in one part of the country but then the crack/new Jim Crow laws happening in the same country but different time zone and like at the same time but no one knows makes it really annoying. 

Cheers to the weekend. And for my addicts if you identify as such- it may be a disease of the soul- but not your own... however probably the ones who raised you or said this is for your own good or didn’t tell you the truth or the ones who initially said that you have a problem. ;) 

I still have my little belly poochie thing- as stressed or as skinny as I get it’s still there. 

At a certain point everyone needs to know that just because your parents or whomever don’t/didn’t want you to know something and that also you don’t know something about yourself or don’t want others to know... doesn’t mean that people don’t actually know and won’t or might hold that secret against you/me... like if that’s what it’s about... you wanting to fill a void that you saw in the world and actually went to the lengths to find the right person for the job or whatever... acting like all that didn’t happen may have led people to think there is acting or something going on. It’s very vague and confusing until... 

Title Here...

Ive restarted this five times in my head and twice now in actual text.  Not trying to be a perfectionist but definitely time to start working on my delivery. It’s Monday- it’s everything I thought it would be- it’s such a nice day. I’ve actually handled a lot of stuff.  More to do. So some of the people I met in jail are popping up on Facebook.  Most of them went to prison... yes the African American transgender I love to death is still locked up- facts are facts, she got the longest term of anyone.  It’s exhausting. The way it works is that if you come into court with a record you’re going to at least the time you got on the case before- so if you did 6 months county time you might get the same time... if you did prison time, yo ass is going to prison. Or AB 109 which is doing a prison term in county- which sucks.  Basically they get no outdoor rec for their entire stay- I was down for 4 months and could only go out once per week from 6am-9am on Sunday.   It wasn’t that much better or different in San Jose (you know ‘the yard’ from that amazing David Guetta music video? That’s what I got in San Jo. Omg twelve more minutes and I’m home.  Fuck.  Like- how is it I piss people off just by existing? This dude is slamming the window closed on the bus like it’s my fault it’s open, looking/mean mugging at me like 7 minutes later as I’ve had time to notice.... ponder on... as well as write about the situation, and still looking over his shoulder at me- and if it’s cause I’m blaring Britney Spears in my ears then he just needs to be a little more alpha cause *NSYNC just started and then after that is what.... Backstreets Back Alright!  And no I’m not making this up as an alpha beside me indeed exhibited some protective body language over me towards his behavior and got him to stop being so sassy.  

So Im apart of an entire gentrification get down I think. I hope not- however, I did just move to south central.  No complaints about the neighborhood at all- other then yes, I am the only white personal I’ve noticed... currently I’m on a bus that’s full. Me and one other white guy who looks lost (no offense if you’re the person I’m talking about- odds are you might be part of the same scheme because I had the same look on my face when I first moved to the area... what the hell am I talking about?... let my anxiety flare up and I’ll have a look that makes people want to create a mem or whatever those things are called. Ha that or one of those scary cat ones. I hope I’m not cause one white person moves to town and all of a f’n or eff’in sudden homeowners insurance goes up and since most things in our country are owned by the same 6 people (since there are 6 time zones thought that’d be a reasonable guesstimation ... however generous it may actually be) they get excited and increase what they charge their renters who may or may not have legitimate contracts and may or may not be able or be knowledgeable of renters rights and things like that.  (Omg- yes, as a child I watched Duke’s of Hazard and just pictured a modern day Boss Hog snickering at the concept of renters rights and then I was like... ugh I’m trying not to make a joke about a certain oblong office... but the struggle is real.) 

Me not having a computer is even more of a fucking struggle today- once again if I had had one I would have been able to make it to a volunteer thing I had mid-morning today but instead realized I wouldn’t be able to go after calling to check on a benefit issue- I hate it when people on the other side of the call say? Well, since you don’t have a computer- even the lady at dept of social services who helps people with gov aid can’t believe that I don’t have an effing computer! Ugh! So I’m metro’ing it two hours (with them slowing down traffic down town on top of delays related to construction) to go to the office and fill out a page or two of verifications.  Yes, I’m relatively savy and can do all sorts of what seems like witch craft and wizardry with my updated adobe and adobe fill in and sign apps... however- from past experiences I’ve learned it’s better to go and do and receive them to try and not succeed and realize it’s past 5pm or will be once you get there and just like I want me money so does ‘the woman.’ (There- women want rights... they get the other side that comes along with it so eat your heart out.) I would love to ask how they feel about being the bad guy but sadly I already know how they feel about it related to what research shows... but.... fuck I guess that’s enough for now since I’m about to lose some of the audience. Ha- that’s not why I’m doing it but also feel as though I need to post and end with this... I’m passing the court house downtown and I’m like... how can you not see the problem and work harder, faster, and without question as to if there is an issue... like- there is clear nauseating hate in our country and it stems from the law makers and law and courts and if you wanna say it doesn’t- you and I will take our asses to Delano and I’ll introduce you to my friend who I mentioned earlier who got the longest term of anyone I know or knew in jail and is...