Started at 10pm or so on Monday night… I have the biggest crush right now… I don’t know what my Monday (totally thought it has to be Saturday or Sunday and it totally was, like one or two days ago… but, (what does nonetheless mean anyways… literally, none the less… totally think I’ve tried to figure this out before, and I didn’t get it and they were like it totally makes sense and I was like oh duh and now I don’t get it again just being honest… I totally can but I’m thinking of… oh yeah closing the )) became other than or then me mean mugging at my dishes which I did and then completed and then there’s the one, the one in the sink and the few drying… I’m not avoiding the task or tasks but like not going to court made sense I couldn’t be present in the right or correct way so preservation but also then the issues I don’t want to be court and court and court and Judge Judy and The People’s Court and Judge Mathis and I would love a good bankruptcy court show or tax law one like why not? Because, money is very very aware of itself and somehow I’m just saying but it’s not really talked about like that either so I don’t know but if it was not saying the Judges Shows aren’t real, they are I know someone who knew someone who said the person they know who went on said it’s real the paper said so and you must go with their Judge Judy’s in this case or something ruling. Have you ever looked up the word thing… I highly encourage it. Someone pronouned me very passively aggressively and so I had speak screen read the definition to me honestly I was like so over it on more then five levels and there are 16 or something different variations or specifics what are those called? And just to be honest I get a pronoun, I may be myself as myself and so are you but I’ve fucked this up one good time and really learned and grew from and had conversations with after and am still friends with but I’m not trying to be over the world about this but I can say something for myself, men, women, or anyone we all get one ok… those who don’t have the opportunity to see myself the way another sees themselves doesn’t mean that I am omitted from the pronoun situation, for someone to identify as a born as but identifies as they don’t have to see a straight man and go oh, I can bubble in male at my next paperwork completion happenings or whatever… it doesn’t work like that, who ever feels like that I hope I’m not reckless in saying this but unless your literally living a life as a married queen here and a married queen there like a gay male and then a transgender female then and even then it’s a box on a paper like I think that’s funny come on you know that’s happened and there is a p-value there ok… I mean it has to. If not, then my name isn’t Lucy… anyone remember the Lucy you got some splainin to do?
Ugh, I have to go down this road but if anyone I went to high school with who wants to call me… literally, I have some questions. And I think some hope someone is living beside me, acting like I’m stupid for not knowing they had a penis then and I’m like I didn’t finger you or suck yours so what are you talking about, not do I want to or maybe then I’m not sure but like some people are just friends but then all this isn’t or wouldn’t be it either that would make it not but my being gay may or I don’t know but like did I go to high school with people who were transgender because it felt weird saying I didn’t know anyone until I was thirty or so that identifies that way but like this has shakin me stupid… I’m like did I disrespect anyone did I not like pay attention because this person is attacking me as if I’m an oblivious dumber then now person who just doesn’t get, what isn’t being said direct, it. And I will it that as in that thing or that circumstance or depersonalize the shit out of all of that because that’s what you do first off and second off that’s like all ok to say… especially when someone isn’t being direct so imagine being a room with someone who none of those words could come across offensively and then avoiding them awkwardly as you know only I can do or someone like you or you know someone… that might be a little side eyeing, you know like with the lean… or belly button up lean and side eye double take second look all in one in a 0.7 second or less time frame… ok should this get posted I think I have done damage without as somehow this person as done all this through the walls basically and the few instances we’ve been in the same room or when I was a shelter and like yes nice but now literally trying to take my spot on a one plane diagram feeling of a rivalry and I’ll just trying to wash dishes or pee and in doing that I don’t want to hear people’s first and last names, officers or deputies names and badge numbers who you don’t even have a criminal record so how you know of where I’ve been before I don’t know know but even DSM says away from badge numbers and certain words and badge numbers maybe not but I’ve never heard voices and again like when the dodgers are playing things are different… ya know… at times I’m like oh there you are normal as in the tension in my home and like again someone not me who knows how to read waveforms or something was like bro you gotta handle this you’re being severely listened in on. I was like oh hell no. And when my passwords stop working or like all this shit cascades at once for you to repeat BLM over and over and over again… I can’t even say that I want to put that here but it’s what’s actually happening. And I’m sick of it. Like I guess it’s a good thing I’m nice and my writing that sentence even brought on a different like suck the air situation like ohhhh I can’t believe he’s going to say or use the word it? I’m like how tha eff… but then I’m like oh yeah… spinal surgery, or an ekg tracing, or a qrs complex and how jurisprudence and philosophy exist so but then I get pissed off when certain literally in that stupid arguments happen or like when racism presents or when agar is underestimated or a women is thought to be weak or like those kinds of things but the science or tech or just human ability isn’t like not capable of all of this especially after I’ve realized how much money some people have because funding this some with money be like oh
I’m waiting on payday myself whereas others maybe up in line and then you get there and the competition is not who you’d think would be there in this but ugh at least if they can do it though then at some point when I’m saying stupid out loud for the ninetieth time by 10am that they’ll be like hey asshole I’m trying to perfect protecting and serving give me a break! But no, that’s not what happens but again I’ve sent crazy emails like omg I think this person completely changed skin tone stalked me on Grindr then tried to get me to put their penis in my mouth and in my own home kinda of final draft sent with a 😷😷 in the body or subject line and like literally again this is actually happening… there is no making it up because I would never think of doing this myself to another nor would I ever expect it to be done to me only within the last few years have concerns around my parents playing Halloween on a Tuesday in San Jose at the library happened to make me think hmmmm I am like hmmmmm and hmmmm and I know that dumbass look on that persons face, I know that look, it’s the one where I throw words like this at my parents and they totally get called on their bullshit and are dumbassed look on their face because I’m supposed to be the pet rock of a son they always ssi’d hoped for to story over lunches or holidays about or who will stroke their victimization stick for awhile… oh you know I have to put money on Josh’s books he’s in jail on Friday at 3:30pm while everyone is in the meeting and I’m like thinking ok so store day isn’t that day, so is that really the place and time? Oh but look at my victimization stick… that’s how it presents… ugh, well I feel better! No I feel like this is out of bounds, or out of what’s acceptable, or even more so sad because this is the only time I’m blogging about this and I hope that remains though updates duh but my parents are el fin in my back and forth because with all this going on the last thing I need because you know the person I graduated with and my parents are cahoutzed or something and that’s terrifying and disrespectful and ruthless and just like ugh, am I really having to eye roll deal with this? I’m 34 fucking years old leap year or no leap year this is a bit much… so again updates but I’m going to try not to go out of my way to like speak so honestly about how others are interjecting or attempting to insert themselves into my um life and all and who knows my parents could be doing the same as we all know they’ve created profiles on gay social apps or gay social media apps before so what’s a little dress up and follow through to that type of reasonability?! Ugh, so I’m going to try… Mostly and with a totally change in tone I hope, with respect… SCOTUS and Incumbency alike I promised I’d write, sorry it’s here and I didn’t put a stamp on it but it’s from me and truthful and isn’t as important as the matters being heard or the legislation on the floor but I hope that my to do list of a promise isn't
blown to disproportional smithereens as in my own oh
i need to write a letter
supporting this… did it read that way? or… you know I now have four in a row typos but this whole time not one… not one… maybe the triple backspace
move along from kind once but that was it now twice… which if you write now after reading this please do know that I think security is very making sure that how a letter reads is how it is meant to be… like the bodyguard letters but present as a well written letter that appears honest being scanned to show that on another level is i hope something that is standard. "I write to you today…( in a towel slouched as I do so) for the" is totally worth being disclosed if it means that the elected official receiving to letter gets to know when or if those other types of letters are written… wether a college banterer which I'm still terrible at or not but then that would be resources and I had to say something there… with how this started to now and then there and to here… I'm really not lying this is so my life and I love it and it is all very very truthful
and thank you. ;) My blog has saved my life… by blogging I've saved my own life… one day it may read (as after forty years almost since HIV hit the states in five men on June 5 1981- thank you California, I read an article and its like wow thats where i was then and with
no iphone or computers or internet and here I am, we are
today and some have been maybe not the entire time but kind of and for awhile there law making or running cities or law practices so that I can say thank you and mean it, I have no idea how much I am to be grateful for but when these anniversaries come around I'm so… happy to be able to i dont know i guess all lives are this great, like 200 years ago did they have moments like this? I hope so, but not with people in the elected seats like we have today or the Deans or Professors or best friends like I have today but its all built from the law up… so, Speaker Pelosi and United States Senator Feinstein, Thank you for your continued service to The States at the federal level and I promise it'll be awhile
before I, which i used to do thjs everyday. i mean honestly! bumpin my keys and ears at the library smelling up a storm- but, I am able to exist and feel like im
setting goals and achieving them and actually am… I am not in the mood to concern myself with anything I've put in my
blog because its all able to be made something better or something that doesn't change… I always feel bad or have bloggers remorse but I know better… literally I could exist without someone attacking me
from alabama either them
or someone else or gerrymanering to then be in affordable housing by way of state and state and from somewhere else and I'm like sick of this same thing with that possibly happening in or at Arlington Cemetery or just the cheating a way in or through thinking they're smarter then everyone else or their peers please bye. It's gerrymandering right just is that a another consideration? or area? like, let me be the first to say that that is not ok. housing oppurtunities may not exist everywhere but where they are, they are not built for that sort of thing- especially from other states as a mission or tasked police effort or something. just saying… and then threaten people with light calls who aren’t even apart of all that but have respect for… like, just go, put your hands through the window at the closest prison and say I totally earned this, mcj right down the street… just saying. Again, this is all real time kind of… I don’t know how to change it but I will say the question I have now is do people hear voices… I don’t think so. Philosophy 101 and a persons voice, and how I’m being attacked from time to time like I am now cause I guess lunch is over and shift changes are real… I don’t care what anyone says, I’ve staying or gone or just been present in many places, someone is doing this it’s a fact, but again, I haven’t called 911, how easy would that be, plus could be your coworker that shows up and I’m not that stupid… so I’ll just keep doing me and minding my own as I’ve been doing for years and years and years and I know and pray that things will change fast, overnight even, or when it’s not just my life at stake or others but oh wait… I literally have the best life and I have love handles just to be honest… and I hate it but I should have posted this an hour ago…
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