Beneficiary...

I don’t know if I’ve written about this before but I realized that all my issues didn’t come from what people might think. I mean it’s snowballed into a much biggger mess Over the 5 years it’s been... or about 5 years it’s been... since I but ‘my other half’ as my beneficiary on my life insurance form for a contract that was then cancelled.  It was cancelled after I told my mom about putting him on the form.    I can’t believe it took me this long to put all this together but yeah. I just don’t know where to go from here- like is this a hate crime that’s been 5 years on-going? How do I get justice/figure it all out?  Do I go to an attorney? The authorities? Who? So stresssful.  Short blog I know. I’m going to write more. I just have been going through it... it’s your birthday, or close to it, and I am so sorry I’ve put you through hell- or not me but, yes, ‘them.’  I’m trying and have been trying to get back to you. I love you. And thank you everyone who reads and passes this on. I’m still homeless and jobless and have no income or support- but now the reason why is finally clear. It’s just heart breaking.

Best,


Joshua Ray

Housing Emergency! Help!

So I don’t know what the fuck is going on. Like, I’m kinda pissed about this whole gov shut down.  I mean a midevil corporeal punishment is needed for all of our elected officials that are ok with this gov shut down nonesense.  Like, whatever.  Some of it’s reopened but then some of it isn’t. I don’t know.  All I know is that people are being kicked out of their hotels and that’s a lot.  Like if that hopwa program is over ok fine- but then that’s even more piece that need housing and are on the streets tonight and damn- it’s cold as fuck in LA.  It’s kinda like that movie where those people are in Russia and they are drinking vodka or sippin it to stay warm.  Like, I’m heart broken.  And. Every time I look outside and it’s raining I cry cause all those people in tents are getting wet.   I want to take pics and post it but I just can’t.  Like shit.  I’m so stressed.  I mean they keep cleaning the side walk outside where I live, the Russ hotel, which is really a homeless shelter in LA.  I am so thank ful that LA has srowhich is a nonprofit.  However that it may be safe from the gov shutdown it still operates and receives federal funding. Like, so what I’ve learned from the industry and the la county commission on hiv (which I kinda participate in) is that section 8 is closed.  I don’t know what’s happened to those people already in apartments but the ones in hotels are being kicked out.  Which is crazy.  Yes, a warning would have been nice. But they didn’t receive one.  It’s just too much. Like on top of that- section 8 isn’t accepting applications, the applications submitted are on hold and then the ones with certificates won’t have their rent paid.  I mean I can’t believe that something that was created in the 1930’s by FDR to help save People during and after the Great Depression would be taken away. I mean, what’s plan B cause there are like about 8 million people in federally funded housing.  Some people in some places have already had to start the eviction process. It’s a fucking shock to me.   But read online and it seems like everything is fine. Apparently Long Beach is going to be accepting apps on April 1st. But like people are able to submit apps online at like 12:01am but what about those without computers and use the library.  I can’t handle it.  Like I can’t. It’s like survival of the fittest, and I mean I hate to recommend ‘coffee’ to stay awake to submit a housing application but that may Be what some do in order to be able to be one of the first in line but I still don’t get it- like I don’t have a computer at my place so I’ll just have to wait and do it in the am when the library opens and so will others and that’s not fair.  But hey, at least maybe that will stagger it enough to keep the servers from shutting down the website from too many people submitting applications.  It’s a pain to think about how many people are affected.  Hopefully this means that those with certificates are safe but I dunno. Like, I love how this happens right when it’s time for me to be able to do it. Like, if the gov is completely reopened which I don’t think it is, but the after aftercare are still hitting people at the level of having to be back out on the streets.  And the people that I know about are all hopwa clients.

It’s been awhile, eh?

Yes, it has!  So annoying. It wasn’t on purpose though I will say that I’ve learned a lot.  Like, a lot. Like. I didn’t know that it’s a ‘higher’ felony to bite a cop if you have hiv. I mean I wouldn’t bite an officer but I would bite a cop. So I wAs doing my thing- sleeping.  I was literally fighting sleep like a kid. I could just remember not feeling safe.  Like at all.  Eventually he got there and I was all safe and shit and I woke up feeling like I was being kicked or stepped on and then my sleeping bag was like being pulled out from under me. What’s a gay boy to do? Come up swinging. Yes, precisely what I did. I don’t remember the details but I’ll say that I imagine it to be like a comic book with the ‘bam,’ ‘boom,’ and ‘pow.’  Haha so amazing. Cause I got my licks on boo.  I had no