Wow... it's been awhile! I'm going to be better about posting...

Ok OK- I’ve let a lot of you down… for this I am sorry.  I’ve been doing a lot of research… a lot of it totally just by coincidence… so I guess I’ll start with my best friend, my person- I’ve missed your birthday in March two years in a row after being back in LA.  This year I was indeed out of jail, as last year I was ‘down.’  It I have a card that’s stamped that I still can’t bring myself to mail… I don’t know why… but I owe you Olive Garden (The OG) whenever you’re ready to have dinner with me… I love you and I miss you.  (Crying at the West Hollywood library as per usual…)

When I got the charger for my rented laptop from the librarian she has this look on her face… like, oh no… you! Ha-ha.  I mean that was a while ago… but you never know…

So yeah, on or about Feb 2^nd I went to jail for four months for felony battery on three officers… I know right?  Who knew that it could be so much fun sleeping in the park that at 5am LAPD comes and… so I was asleep in my normal routine/attire and I get woken up feeling like I’m being drug out of my sleeping bag… I come up swinging with no clue who or what I’m swinging at, screaming for help, only to have one of the people cover my mouth.  I then bite the person covering my mouth cause I can’t breathe… I then hear “Do you want to be tasered… Do you want to be tasered?”  I don’t know if the person was speaking to me or to the person on top of me covering my mouth but that when I realized that these people attacking me are probably officers/cops.  They were… I screamed for help so loud that someone heard me and called 911 for me but officers from the same precinct showed up… which was fantastic… back up who has their backs… not mine… anyways… I had to spend four months in jail fighting my case but I ended up beating it…. The DA was like- “Mr. Ray, we are not taking this to jury trial and we will work this out…” I still haven’t been able to expunge my record but it should be soon I hope.  Oh, and when I got arrested there are some nasty things on the body worn camera evidence... like me turning blue when he was on top of me covering my mouth... and just some language I guess.  And they left all my stuff in the park... all of it.  Like, everything, including the FDNY hoodie that I adored.  It was given to me by a hero and was from Sept 11th... the one with the twin towers and the smoke billowing... ugh, it makes me sick to think that I don't have it anymore... like, it really meant something to me and the person that gave it to me... and they just left it... after I specifically asked them to get it for me...

I have so much more to write about… I had no idea that I would end up where I’m at now.  Thank God I’m semi off the streets.  I haven’t forgotten everything… thankfully I’ve been journaling and it’s been a long road.  I have so much ‘to do.’  When I was arrested and extradited or transported to San Jose the Sheriff’s kept my backpack here in LA as ‘bulk property.’  So nothing was send with me, or that’s why nothing was sent with me… I don’t know why a backpack would be considered such- but it was…. I remember them trying to open my laptop while I was in the back of the car… so I don’t know… anyways, I followed up about the missing property form I filled out forever ago and they aren’t going to reimburse me for it… so that means I guess I have to hire an attorney.  I mean, I was in jail in San Jose when the 6 months to pick up the property deadline passed so I don’t know… but I had just gotten my computer… a MacBook Air, the week before… so it was like, brand new.  I don’t know how things are destroyed through the sheriffs dept. but I hate to think it was actually destroyed and didn’t end up as a new present to or for someone…

It’s little things like this that irk me… the gay’s or k-6G’s as we are called in LA have a 99% re-incarceration rate.  Isn’t that crazy… like- the same people over and over just keep getting arrested while new people are added to that group everyday… oh and guess what… while in jail I got Hepatitis A from the water… joy.  It turns out that most people do when they first get there.  But, I met some really cool people and also heard some really cool stories- as heartbreaking as some are.  I’ll try to come as often as I can to the library to post and tell these stories… and talk about the last year or so of my life… it’s been crazy and eye opening and hopefully I’ll be able to raise some awareness for what’s going on…

I am thinking/considering going to Law School for a JD.  I’m not sure exactly what the details are but I’m working with an entity that’s going to help me pay for it… thankfully.  UCLA, Loyola, and USC are my top ones…. But I’m also considering Stanford as there was a professor from that Law School in my jury pool in San Jose- of coarse she got booted by the DA before we started the trial but hey… that’s the process right?  I want to get people off the streets and out of jail/keep people out of jail…

Like I’ve said before… the biggest thing I can say right now is for me, taking it to the box was the best thing I’ve done… since getting that advice from someone…

It’s crazy to think that if I was charged $300 in court fees as an indigent or person with financial hardship… the court rooms that do arraignments see like 300 cases per day… so if you think about it if 250 of those people are under financial hardship and there are like 230 court days in a year that’s $17,250,000 that one court room makes in a year… that’s crazy... one court room in one court house in one city/county…  I mean I don’t know what kind of math that is but it adds up to me and also that this broken system of ours makes a whole lot of money…

To be continued…

I got a voicemail from the Social Security people again that my ssn is frozen because of fraudulent activity… I guess that’s one more thing for me to deal with.  Hopefully this doesn’t get all jumbled when I post it, and that people can actually read it.  When I try to submit or work on things on my phone or at the library it seems either they don’t actually get submitted or they come out on the other end jumbled or incomplete or… so here’s to hoping for the best…

What I’m dealing with today ;)

omg I’m so frustrated... not only am I trying to catch up on everything... like completing my ssi stuff, the document I need for the commission, etc but today I got a phone call that my social security number is being suspended for fraudulent activity and also that Wells Fargo took $10 out of my checking account for me not using it ten times last month. Ugh. I know $10 isn’t that much money but I feel like it is especially when I’m trying to save money. So- just an update.  I know I haven’t been posting but every time I go to the library I feel like I have to reset my passwords and nothing I submit or send actually goes through. I really want a new MacBook so if anyone is feeling generous this would greatly be appreciated that way I can work from home and also have my stuff more secure! Haha. You can purchase it and then I can pick it up at The Grove Apple Store. I’ll try to be better about posting. I’m living in LA still and thankfully do have a roof over my head. ;) so things are getting better but I still have so much to follow up with and catch up on. My person- if you graduated I’m so proud of you and even if you didn’t I’m still proud of you. I had you a birthday card, then thought it was lame so I went and got you another one- then someone was massaging me on WhatsApp and it seemed like it was you kind of so I opened the card and sent photos of it but I don’t think it was you.  So I’m going to get another one- 3rd time is a charm and send it haha. Just don’t want you to catch any grief for me sending it ya know. ;) loves.

this is for my homegirl...

‘There is a great deal to say... ‘ who included that in their Oscar speech?  Omg I love it... I really do- guess where I learned or saw that... jail.  Ugh. I have to like catch everyone up! I recently looked at my last blog... I know I know I was bitching, some of the numbers are wrong in my post and the street is the wrong one...but the overall message is there and I know good and well I got on the correct bus and no offense to that driver but as soon as I asked if it was a 45 the first words out of his mouth were ‘I didn’t change it...’ not a yes or no.... so does that mean he changed it or no? I mean I know he changed it... it was only me and like 2 other people on the bus plus the two guys that got off with me confirmed it. So thank you! It just makes me angry- like I get it if there are like security guards on the buses late at night... it was late and I think or am glad that they were there.  But if that means they can change the routes or something... honestly I don’t know. There is so much going on right now with everything... like buses and shit are late all the time and then you think about how... you know fuck this. I’m pissed and not even playing that you guys are douche bags and I am not tolerating it.  A wire tap is always tapped once tapped? That shit is crazy fool. Like not cute. And then... I really want to write another blog and post it but I’

So just annoying that buses can just change routes!

OMG. So I’ve learned so much.  So somehow someone who is amazing got my debit card that my disability- short term (from surgery) didn’t make it to my mailing address address... it was like $50 every week for a few weeks.  And it’s money that is already mine- since I paid into it when I was working... just for the judgmental douches...but somehow last week I called to get a new one since it had never arrived. The lady wasn’t customer service driven in the least. Like- what the hell. It makes me mad because conveniently enough though my mom decided to help me out with $50 a month- how nice.  I can’t believe she stole/got my credit card. What a complete and total lunatic. I knew she was doing some of those- Checking up on Josh without him knowing it, messing with stuff that ought not be messed with, and then not even seeing me while here.  Someone asked me why I missed my ‘appointment’ one day when I just couldn’t leave where I was at.  Like, I just couldn’t- something felt off. Well- guess what?  How did anyone know I had an appointment with my Doctor?! Further more- yes it was my hiv Doctor!  Continuing on... I’m so annoyed- just before she blocked me on iMessage is when she decided to do this. I don’t know for sure she has m.,...

Oh wait I can’t finish this cause a bus changed its route and fucking he knew he had changed it cause guess what he said when I said this is a 745 right? He goes I didn’t change it.  Uh huh. So why did other people get off the bus?! Cause it wasn’t what they thought it was and or they were trying to help me. Thank you!  Innocent bystanders that have no business possibly  being late for curfew any more then I do. Ughhhh.  I wasn’t late though thankfully.  I am sad that it happened. 

Beneficiary...

I don’t know if I’ve written about this before but I realized that all my issues didn’t come from what people might think. I mean it’s snowballed into a much biggger mess Over the 5 years it’s been... or about 5 years it’s been... since I but ‘my other half’ as my beneficiary on my life insurance form for a contract that was then cancelled.  It was cancelled after I told my mom about putting him on the form.    I can’t believe it took me this long to put all this together but yeah. I just don’t know where to go from here- like is this a hate crime that’s been 5 years on-going? How do I get justice/figure it all out?  Do I go to an attorney? The authorities? Who? So stresssful.  Short blog I know. I’m going to write more. I just have been going through it... it’s your birthday, or close to it, and I am so sorry I’ve put you through hell- or not me but, yes, ‘them.’  I’m trying and have been trying to get back to you. I love you. And thank you everyone who reads and passes this on. I’m still homeless and jobless and have no income or support- but now the reason why is finally clear. It’s just heart breaking.

Best,


Joshua Ray

Housing Emergency! Help!

So I don’t know what the fuck is going on. Like, I’m kinda pissed about this whole gov shut down.  I mean a midevil corporeal punishment is needed for all of our elected officials that are ok with this gov shut down nonesense.  Like, whatever.  Some of it’s reopened but then some of it isn’t. I don’t know.  All I know is that people are being kicked out of their hotels and that’s a lot.  Like if that hopwa program is over ok fine- but then that’s even more piece that need housing and are on the streets tonight and damn- it’s cold as fuck in LA.  It’s kinda like that movie where those people are in Russia and they are drinking vodka or sippin it to stay warm.  Like, I’m heart broken.  And. Every time I look outside and it’s raining I cry cause all those people in tents are getting wet.   I want to take pics and post it but I just can’t.  Like shit.  I’m so stressed.  I mean they keep cleaning the side walk outside where I live, the Russ hotel, which is really a homeless shelter in LA.  I am so thank ful that LA has srowhich is a nonprofit.  However that it may be safe from the gov shutdown it still operates and receives federal funding. Like, so what I’ve learned from the industry and the la county commission on hiv (which I kinda participate in) is that section 8 is closed.  I don’t know what’s happened to those people already in apartments but the ones in hotels are being kicked out.  Which is crazy.  Yes, a warning would have been nice. But they didn’t receive one.  It’s just too much. Like on top of that- section 8 isn’t accepting applications, the applications submitted are on hold and then the ones with certificates won’t have their rent paid.  I mean I can’t believe that something that was created in the 1930’s by FDR to help save People during and after the Great Depression would be taken away. I mean, what’s plan B cause there are like about 8 million people in federally funded housing.  Some people in some places have already had to start the eviction process. It’s a fucking shock to me.   But read online and it seems like everything is fine. Apparently Long Beach is going to be accepting apps on April 1st. But like people are able to submit apps online at like 12:01am but what about those without computers and use the library.  I can’t handle it.  Like I can’t. It’s like survival of the fittest, and I mean I hate to recommend ‘coffee’ to stay awake to submit a housing application but that may Be what some do in order to be able to be one of the first in line but I still don’t get it- like I don’t have a computer at my place so I’ll just have to wait and do it in the am when the library opens and so will others and that’s not fair.  But hey, at least maybe that will stagger it enough to keep the servers from shutting down the website from too many people submitting applications.  It’s a pain to think about how many people are affected.  Hopefully this means that those with certificates are safe but I dunno. Like, I love how this happens right when it’s time for me to be able to do it. Like, if the gov is completely reopened which I don’t think it is, but the after aftercare are still hitting people at the level of having to be back out on the streets.  And the people that I know about are all hopwa clients.

It’s been awhile, eh?

Yes, it has!  So annoying. It wasn’t on purpose though I will say that I’ve learned a lot.  Like, a lot. Like. I didn’t know that it’s a ‘higher’ felony to bite a cop if you have hiv. I mean I wouldn’t bite an officer but I would bite a cop. So I wAs doing my thing- sleeping.  I was literally fighting sleep like a kid. I could just remember not feeling safe.  Like at all.  Eventually he got there and I was all safe and shit and I woke up feeling like I was being kicked or stepped on and then my sleeping bag was like being pulled out from under me. What’s a gay boy to do? Come up swinging. Yes, precisely what I did. I don’t remember the details but I’ll say that I imagine it to be like a comic book with the ‘bam,’ ‘boom,’ and ‘pow.’  Haha so amazing. Cause I got my licks on boo.  I had no

damn ya'lll

so people are so mean- i think they figured out who was who and sent him mean and awful emails all to be funny.... like with me in the room and then saying with my phone or my email open cause some kids are just cool that they were arguing with someone over email and it was them sending an email to my best friend.... ya'll thats whats happened... so now forgive me if my friend and i arent just out there with our tears of how mean people can be to people.... cause i had no idea... and this was in san jose... and so when i walk around like im crazy or anything... its just me.  I'm not but to say ive walked right by people who know me only for me to be jsut keeping my head down or the opposite... imagine all this happening to me and then now its me trying to make things right with my friend.... times are hard huh...

check your old email....

https://youtu.be/pXRviuL6vMY

I'm fine... did you get stuck in the snow?

https://youtu.be/Ici0k4lZ_TI

https://youtu.be/Ici0k4lZ_TI

Ok so I have anotehr blog that i have to go find a fucking phone charger for to post but then i promised i would put it in an email first then post it at a later time



and I know the Vivki from to real housewives of the OC's southern counter part so fuck whomever invented the toaster strootle cause if i wanna fucking find out if my parents had insurance policies out on me i will go ghetto and add that shit to the list.  Lemme not even play like I'll have to fucking riun that by my best friend...

ha his family making fun of him for having a gay roomie or best friend... thats cool and now he putting money in his account like he said and yall gotta do what with what.... oh all yall gotta pay huh.  well look... dang, see either way if i slept with mine i couldn't get him pregnant but sure tried (not) and yall did the same and now gotta pay for a kid?  ok, yeah so do i, cause i got one of those too... but look at my bitch.... putting money in, or trying to and cant even do it but still trying.... see what a... oh now we trying to fight cause he at the library tellin on his damn blog...  the gov be