Saturday, December 24, 2016
Sunday, December 18, 2016
closes in 2 min! AH!
I saw frost!
For the first time in my life I actually experienced the 'whatever' phenomenon that happens early in the morning...
I mean there was some paranoia and inner thought processes that had to occur first. I mean, I was outside in a public place... so first, I realized my clothes were wet-ish. I was like I know someone didn't pee on me. People do all sorts of things to people they view as 'homeless' so it's not as far fetched as one might think. Then, I saw the fog as I was breathing- or maybe that came first. I dosed off and woke up to grass covered in white frost- no one had even walked on it yet.
I promised someone I would blog daily... but someone walked off with my phone. AGAIN! Now the library is closing so... night! Loves.
God- get me back to LA. If nothing else for my eye ball...
For the first time in my life I actually experienced the 'whatever' phenomenon that happens early in the morning...
I mean there was some paranoia and inner thought processes that had to occur first. I mean, I was outside in a public place... so first, I realized my clothes were wet-ish. I was like I know someone didn't pee on me. People do all sorts of things to people they view as 'homeless' so it's not as far fetched as one might think. Then, I saw the fog as I was breathing- or maybe that came first. I dosed off and woke up to grass covered in white frost- no one had even walked on it yet.
I promised someone I would blog daily... but someone walked off with my phone. AGAIN! Now the library is closing so... night! Loves.
God- get me back to LA. If nothing else for my eye ball...
Friday, December 16, 2016
One day I was waiting to see a judge about some bs when...
So- today
I got a wild hair and posted some actual subject matter to Facebook. Lately it has been nothing but ‘this is what
I was doing 4 years ago stuff.’ Which as
much as I love the memories- sometimes tears are brought to my eyes.
5 hrs ·
I'm a kindred spirit
changing the things I can today and will reassess continually! I am blessed to
have earned the hardest undergraduate degree available- per the GBWR!
5 hrs ·
Ashton- I'd love to be
an Uber driver in SF and in LA! Could you help? With the Tesla also- SUV or
Sedan your choice. I love graphite grey! You and Chelsea and Ms. Biden can
attest to how greatful I'll be. Truly.
5 hrs ·
Things I'm learning-
mortgage rates are at an all time low! You get a $20k per year tax credit for a
Tesla- granted the high sticker price. H&M vnecks are like $5 and are
indestructible- thanks Meryl! Our future first lady and SJP have a lot in
common, eh? Sia and Anna Wintor should be bff's- and get matching Tesla's. And
WeHo will forever be my home- I've got to much to do to worry about some ass
hole bating me just to beat me up in front of his buddies. The security of
living in a gay city is truly priceless!
I am so
disappointed about the postponement of my Starting the Graduate Program at USC
that I don’t even want to think about the remaining documents due. This is the very last I dwell on it after
this last statement- the apartment and
not having a place to stay the week I was brought out to Santa Clara took such
an incredible toll on my everything. I
had interviews lined up, I had a couple of things to complete for my admissions
into a world renowned university master’s program, etc…. and it all came to
stand still. I’m still trying to climb
out of that crater as we speak!
Can I say
one thing about the Bay? It is
beautiful. I mean the air, the sky, the
freshness of the United States starts here.
That being said- no one we3ras sunglass’. Why? The rays still come through the clouds-
even more dangerously then if there were no clouds because the brightness is
lost. Sunscreen- do those who live here
think about this or know this innately? I doubt it. I haven’t and didn’t until yesterday and
that’s only because I haven’t dealt with it my whole life!
Sadly, I
fear I will never be at the bedside again.
The stress, trauma, and knowledge I’ve earned through the last three
years won’t let me. I feel like Oprah-
at the end of her show. I was built to
be a nurse. I have been that rock for
parents as they say goodbye to their children after some unforeseen trauma. I
have been that person standing on a bed with my hand in a patient’s chest while
we rush them back to surgery. I’ve
thrown Birthday parties and potlucks, and made mistakes, and been ‘Not just
another nurse.’ I have to do more
though- somehow I have to be known by more people. I have to be the person who has the courage
to say, this is not right. My
personality sucks- because ill also end up offering up a suggestion or
two. Just don’t let me be working on said
suggestions and end up on the front of a bus like one of my favorite
authors.
When the
creative wheels are spinning- if you know me or are around me I’m
infectious. Happy, Sad, Horny, and
Lonely- it doesn’t matter. I can wish
that a gift wasn’t mine- or I can use it to inspire. To give someone courage to take on their
conquest. Haha I fear at times I may be
that conquest- as long as one day AK is privy to my energy we are stellar.
Here’s
something I’ve learned- If you shoot someone with a beebee gun you can be tried
for attempted murder, if you rob a store with a gun that really your hand
faking the appearance of a gun it can be armed robbery, and a child in that
previous situation that also says ‘I will kill you…’ will go to jail for the
rest of his life before it even starts.
Holy Moly. I may be ignorant of a
lot in this world- but please don’t let that scenario happen to anyone
else. I say that because on my road trip
here I met the most gorgeous man/inmate- truly Heisman trophy material. He is 28, just had a birthday. He has been in jail for over a decade- since
he was 17… probably received a stiff sentence because a judge had to work on
some numbers or had an election coming up or had be called weak by a journalist
in the local publication that morning. Attorney
bills already at $100,000 and a family who had moved on unintentionally leaving
this Adonis behind bars with many others alike.
Luckily- said Adonis has more letters behind his name then I do and has
been working on reducing his sentence to time served…. This alpha is still
behind bars because the charges could be dismissed clearing him completely….
All because someone who didn’t know any better had the time and resou4rvced to
educate himself.
I got all
that in a holding cell before court- there were maybe 30 of us cramped in this
little room. I was terrified- a he was
sitting beside me (nervous because of the energy I felt that if someone tried
to hurt me he would defend me and any other person in the room…. But also when
he went to take a leak I being gay
looked the opposite direction- but every other dude was eventually looking at
him awestruck. Fuck- I wish I had the
courage to look. Odds are I’ve had
bigger, but the whole picture would have been nice., also me not looking hopefully
will motivate him to experiment if he runs into me once he finally is released.
People
are only in our lives for however long- during that moment the universe gives
us the opportunity to mobilize that inertia and potentiate infinity. This is why I’m not ashamed of a one night
stand, or that one second eye contact when a man eats you with his eyes on the
elevator that reignites the spark of a familiar romance. I say take all you can take in these
instances…. But also, give what you can also.
Ill probably end up in a wheelchair from selfishness- I want to take
away ten years of frustration from a man who was falsely accused and had
nothing to aid him but his own hand to maintain his reputation? Hell Yes. All because I know myself- no safe word will
be used and I’d probably use verbs that
will lead to an earthquake…. But hey- that’s what I get for not looking when he
took a leak no more then two feet from me.
Odds are the thing was inches from my head and that’s why everyone was
looking.
Dang it-
I hope he’s at least not in jail still right now feeling the way I’m feeling or
have felt…. Omg they say the last few weeks or days are the worst. Opps….now ill def have to say harder, and
omit ouch and stop completely from my memory until 10 years of inertia is in
me. Good thing I don’t have any plans or
a job currently- which is exactly what an Adonis deserves. Who knows- maybe I’ll be able to share this
imaginary experience with you guys as it becomes reality someday. He’ll be in charge so….
Like he
said… I’ll decide
Food for
thought from yesterday…
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